Be Afraid Young Man

There is one place that scares me more than I think just about any other place - the grocery store on a Saturday mid-morning.

The morning of Christmas Eve we stopped by a grocery store in Mt. Joy to pick-up a vegetable tray and it was a zoo. You know you're in trouble when the parking lot is full and half a dozen cars roam the lot looking for anyone who is about to leave.

Now, here the morning before New Year's Day, we have planned a trip to the butcher and the grocery store.

It's going to be crazy.

Everyone's out for last-minute this-or-thats. Everyone's picking up New Year's Eve and New Year's Day supplies.

It's going to be scary.

But I have to work up the courage, have to be brave. We've got to go. We have no food. lol

Plus, I can't start the New Year off without pork and sauerkraut. It just wouldn't feel right going through the first day of the year without the potpourri of sauerkraut filling the house.

We have to go.

It's going to be nuts.

I know. I know. It may seem a little strange. And this is all written a bit tongue in cheek. But there are just those who are built for this kind of stuff, and those of us who just aren't. You can count me in the "aren't" column.

Wish me luck!!!

No News is Good News

I've started to get into a bit of a rhythm about things, a routine that seems to keep me at my best.

There's nothing very exciting about it. But boring is good for me. And no news is good news.

I've always kind of liked boring, as strange as that may sound. I much prefer stirring up my own excitement rather than be randomly bombarded by it. I guess I feel better being in some control.

I've always been a very mellow, quiet guy too. I'm just not interested in a lot of drama. I really have trouble understanding folks who have a short-temper, or like to fight and argue. Boring is good. No news is good news. Just keep it nice and smooth.

And keeping a nice, quiet, predictable routine is working for me.

I still have to build fitness and strength, and that will continue for sometime. The impact of radiation really threw me on my behind for a few months. And that lethargy really weakened me overall. My soccer coach in high school always said that it takes months of regular exercise to be in good shape, and only days without exercise to lose it.

I'm devoted to the routine of the daily exercises and I can already tell the difference they've made. Hopefully by early Spring I'll be back on the Trek bike, and once again become a regular site speeding through the streets of Marietta again.

I've learned to manage the side effects of the chemotherapy as good as I think I can. I can overcome the fatique simply by staying busy and staying active, however simple the activity may be. Of course there are days when the fatique just demands a nap. But I am getting a better handle on it by building daily schedules for myself.

The right combinations of medicines and menu have chased the severe digestive issues away. Again it takes sticking to routines and predictable habits to keep things routine and predictable for me, and my body.

It's not exciting. But I'll take the boring. I'll take the routine. A day where I can control my schedule is a successful happy day for my body, and another step toward continuing to get stronger.

Deep Questions

Over the past two-years our garbage men have mercilessly beat our garbage cans to a pulp. I try to make it easy on them. Everything's bagged in three large garbage bags, all are securely sealed. And it could be as easy as picking up a bag, then another, and another, without even lifting a garbage can.

But pick-up the garbage cans they do. And they beat them against the truck, throw them around to various locales. And I know it sounds silly, but from the look of these garbage cans, I'd say they may just be jumping up and down on them for fun too.

Jeesh.

I tried to save my garbage cans by only take large bags out for pick-up. But then one night a few local critters smelled something they liked in one bag and shred it open and spread it about the place. It was quite a clean-up for me the next morning. But I was half expecting it. We are a regular stop on a pair of Marietta skunks nomadic trail. So I quickly went back to setting out the garbage cans so the garbage men can start meticulously destroying them again.

The past summer has been especially rough on the poor garbage cans and it's obviously become time for some new ones. The handle has broken off one. Cracked holes have formed along the bodies of the cans. The cracked holes almost seem the perfect size of a boot.

Well I got the "boss" on board with the concept of purchasing new garbage cans, and she confirmed that the expenditure could be drawn from the January budget. We both agreed and planned a trip out soon to make the purchase.

I could tell Barb still had a thought stuck in her head though. Then suddenly she said, "How do you throw away an old trash can?"

Hmmmmm. I thought about it for a bit, and said, "I don't know."

If we just set the worn trash cans out would the garbage men take them with? Probably not, they're in the business of taking what's in trash cans, not the trash cans themselves.

If I wrote the garbage man a little note, like - "Please take this trash can with you. It is now trash after you've banged it, bumped it, kicked it and thrown it around for two years." It would have to be a big note, maybe with some pictures and a "LOOK HERE GARBAGE MAN" headline on it. Not too sure they would read it, or take the old trash cans.

It's almost like a George Carlin dilemna, one of those odd little juxtapositions in life, that makes you think and makes you laugh.

Maybe if I beat the old cans up even more, take a hedge trimmer to them, break them down into unusable pieces it will look enough like trash to be hauled away as trash.

But add that one to the ever-growing list of deep questions: "How do you throw away a garbage can?"

My Holiday Blessings

Christmas has been the best this year,
I haven't had to shed a tear.
Things had been difficult,
but not to worry,
life is not to be rushed or hurried.

I had the best time with family in their homes,
for in the recent past tears had shown.
But all is much better now,
and we all made this year through some how.

I have prayed and pondered on what is to be,
but most of my prayers are meant for someone very special to me.
I feel as though my prayers have been answered in many ways,
in the passing of 365 days.

I have been blessed with my continued husbands health,
for in this world it's not all about wealth.
In all of this my daughters wedding was wonderful,
and I need not boast,
I shed tears at the hearing of the toast.

I am grateful for so much in life,
too many to name,
but those involved remain the same.
I thank those of you that truly care,
for I feel I have alot to share.

Christmas Notes

Well Santa did stop here and there is not a lump of coal in sight. I don't know how good we were this past year. But I must have been at least a gas leaf blower kind of good. lol Thanks Alyssa and Charlie.

Sunday morning we got together with my family. It was a miserable cold, rainy, foggy day outside, but warm inside up on the hill. My niece Heather provided entertainment for all. It was great to have everyone together. We get only so many opportunities to all be in the same room.

And Monday evening we got together with Barb's family. Another little one stole the show as Barb's nephew Ellis bounced continuously through the living room, doing complete laps through the dining room to the kitchen and back to the living room again. Again it was great to see everyone together.

Tuesday I woke up at my normal 5 a.m. But Barb slept into almost 7 a.m. That's crazy! Doesn't she know there are presents down here that need opening! lol

During our first Christmas together, I tried to pick-out some clothing and shoes and stuff that I thought she would like. I just wanted a test run first and showed her some catalogs with my ideas. She carefully looked over what I had picked out and then politely said, "These are kind of lesbian clothes."

LOL Not what I was expecting.

I think I'm coming along now though. You really just have to pay attention. And I'm zoning in on Barb's Victorian Gypsy kind of style. I actually picked out two pairs of earrings that seem to be on target. Scary. Who would think I'd be able to pull that off?

We enjoyed not having to travel on Christmas Day. And enjoyed waking up with hot coffee and tea and some banana muffins and each other. We took turns exchanging gifts and listened to Christmas music amongst our decorations and lights.

Thanks to everyone across both families for such continued kindness and generosity. And thanks to all for such a Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas

Yep. That's right. I said "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays." I just don't understand a benefit of taking the Christ out of Christmas.

Is political correctness smashing everything into a soft, lifeless, mush.

It's all gotten a little silly. It's fine to wish someone "Happy Hanukkah" or "Happy Kwanzaa." But don't wish someone "Merry Christmas."

I'm interested in other religions, beliefs, cultures, backgrounds. It gives me broader understandings. And, if anything, only serves to strengthen my own beliefs.

Why can't we celebrate diversity and celebrate differences? Why can't we enjoy each of our cultures and backgrounds?

A few years ago a Jewish family in Lebanon County threatened to sue a school district over a Christmas concert that included Christian-based Christmas songs. The school district, with no time to change the material for the concert, chose to simply cancel the concert under the threat of legal action.

Why work to destroy rather than build? Why work to subdue music and celebration? Wouldn't it have been more productive to organize a concert featuring Jewish music for Hanukkah?

I think I'd enjoy seeing a Christmas Concert, a Hanukkah Celebration, and a Kwanzaa Festival.

When it comes to our diversity, I'd rather live to enjoy it, immerse myself in it, rather than try to squash it into one giant, lifeless paste.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Ready for Christmas

I'm probably looking forward to this Christmas more than any other since I was a kid.

When I was working I was always so busy. Christmas just seemed to get in the way of my busiest business times of the year. I hate to say it. It sounds terrible. But it's true.

I've always worked long hours all of my life, too long.

Once I worked somewhere over 50 days consecutively, including Sundays, and I worked 12 to 14-hours a day. Hundreds of color corrections, masks and silhouettes, stripping photos of models into photos of landscapes, I needed to make an impossible deadline, and I did. Then I collapsed.

For newspapers I've worked every time of the day or night, any day of the week, to cover events, meetings, you name it.

I've always taken my work home, tweaked and edited and re-did things until I felt I could be proud of presenting a design, illustration, or photograph. I was my own toughest critic. But at the same time was always very interested in my craft, and continually improving and keeping up with ever-changing technology.

And when I finally started my own business I was a one-man show, so it was record-keeping and customer service and sales and fulfillment and well, you get the picture.

Although I find great virtue in those who are passionate about their work and put in endless hours (and there are a lot of us) - I think we work too hard.

Looking back, yes hard work offered me positive life experiences that helped me learn and helped me build certain characteristics. Yes, hard work helped make me successful and offer me a home, a family, a meal, a chair to sit-in.

But it also led to me thinking that Christmas was more of a nuisance than anything else. And that's not good.

Now that I'm "retired" I have the time to see Christmas a little more like I did when I was a kid. The magic, the warmth, the giving, the sharing - I'm moving slow enough that I can soak-in the meaning of the season. My uncle always said, "You can see more in a canoe then you can a speed boat."

We work harder, and longer hours, than just about any country in the world, perhaps with the exception of a few asian countries.

There are rewards in hard work. But it is important to have balance.

This Christmas, don't forget to take the canoe, rather than the speed boat, soak-in all the blessings around you, enjoy the comfort offered through your friends and family.

Work will be there waiting for you.

Super Pimple

Alright, really, I never actually thought I'd ever be writing about a pimple.

But, then I'm not really writing about any run-of-the-mill pimple here. I'm writing about a super pimple.

Yes, cancer does have a sense of humor. Up is down. Left is right. Suddenly you're experiencing things completely foreign and new to you.

During my radiation treatments the regular balances and normal reactions within my body changed. Things that used to do one thing now did something else, or even nothing at all.

One unique event was the appearance of "super pimples." These beasts showed up almost exclusively along the radiation treatment line - the distinct line that separated treatment areas from non-treatment areas.

I've never had anything like them.

Now, they're gone, they've cleared up.

Well...there is just one, behind my ear. It's been there since July - really, since July! It feels like cartilage, firm, stationary. I began to question whether it was a pimple at all.

It was. It cleared up yesterday.

Cancer does have a sense of humor - a pimple that lasts six-months, a super pimple.

A Christmas Carol

Well, I finally got to watch what I consider to be my all time favorite Christmas move which is A Christmas Carol in the old black and white version. Thanks to Jim "caving" on another early gift. To me that movie has always had alot of meaning, I remember having a deep appreciation for that movie.

When it comes to some of the holiday programming, I have found that this movie at least on the cable network that we have, it is hard to find on television. I have found that the newer versions of this movie, aren't nearly as good as the older ones. I am a true sap when it comes to this movie among other types of programs and anyone who knows me well enough, knows that to be very true.

Thank you Jim for making the Christmas season special as always, and "caving" like you tend to do.

A Fortunate One

No matter what my problems may be, it's easy to still feel fortunate. I have an incredible wife, family, and friends. I have the old, historic house I've always dreamed of. I have heat in the cold of winter. I have a lot to feel very fortunate about. The list goes on and on and on.

It only takes a trip out of the house to realize how many in this world struggle to get by, even in our ideallic heart of Amish country.

Yesterday we hit the butcher shop and the grocery store for our two-week supply of food. When we went into the grocery store I saw what looked like a homeless couple. I watched as they manned two motorized carts that the store provides for handicapped people.

Their clothing was a collage of mixed rags, dirty layered clothes. I can't imagine they've had a shower or bath in days, or weeks. They looked very, very rough.

As we went through the store we'd run into them again and again. As we finished and reached the checkout, they passed close to us.

I noticed that they did not look like they really needed the motorized carts. They looked tired. But they did not look handicapped. Then I noticed that in the hour that they had been scooting around the store they had not picked out one item.

Then it hit me. They needed to stay warm. They probably had done this before. It was 22-degrees yesterday morning, bitter cold. Not only did the grocery store offer warmth, but they had the neat motorized carts so they didn't have to be on their feet the whole time. They could stay in the store until someone noticed and complained. And then depending on the interaction of management they could decide whether or not to buy a pack of gum and be on their way to the next warm store.

No matter what malody you may personally be experiencing. There is still someone suffering worse. As I've said many times before, I may have cancer, but there are small children dealing with cancer too. In the big picture I'm a fortunate guy.

Protein

We love our butcher.

I know it's not normal to feel such an affection for a business. But we do. We love our butcher. And it's that time again, we're heading out into the cold this morning to visit Groff's in Elizabethtown.

If you know Groff's, and some of you do, you already know what I'm talking about. If you haven't experienced Groff's, you might think that I'm a little crazy. But if you do visit Groff's I know you'll end up just in love with the place as we are.

Every time I've talked to a doctor over the past few months about diet they've constantly insisted that I make sure to get enough protein. With Groff's just one town away, that hasn't been a problem.

One thing that I've found very, very interesting through the past few months is that the combination of cancer, chemo, and radiation, has made by body only appreciate fresh, quality, healthy foods. It will reject anything else.

I used to drink way too much soda. I can't stand soda anymore. My snack weakness for the past 20-years has been Doritos. Jeesh, I think somedays I could finish an entire bag at one sitting. Not anymore, Doritos, chips, snacks of almost any kind, my body now hates. Try to eat some prepared microwave quickies? Nope, my body rejects that fast. Pizza? Burgers? Burritos? No way.

Now my body will only accept fresh ingredients, made simply and made well. Now my body will only accept foods and meals that I should have been eating all along. Overall, I'd say that I'm eating the healthiest in my life right now, because my body is insisting on it.

For example, Sunday I made blackened tuna steaks, with hashbrown potatoes and snap peas. Monday Barb slow roasted a piece of sirloin with red potatoes, carrots, onions and fresh bread. It's perfect stuff. My body agrees with it. And it's healthy, and at healthy portions.

Saturday though, we agreed to just order a pizza (I had a craving). My body punished me for it. Sometimes I never learn. I'm like the monkey who gets shocked when he reaches for the peanut.

My cousin first introduced me to Groff's when he was attending Elizabethtown College. It started innocently, with some homemade beef jerky. Then it moved into smoked beef sticks. Then it cascaded from there into everything else - the freshest, best meats of every variety, and smoked meats that are beyond description.

I do not know where the grocery stores get their fresh ingredients, specifically meat and vegetables. But they taste like styrafoam. It's terrible.

Once at Groff's they ran out of ground beef and they said, "No problem we'll grind some more." And out came a round roast, freshly ground through an old hand grinder, about 10-pounds worth at a time. Something as simple as ground beef, you would not think there could be that much difference from the grocery store. It's night and day, not even close. The grocery store ships in hundreds of pounds of pre-packaged, frozen ground beef from Lord knows where. It's fatty, greasy, and tasteless. Groff's is bright red, fresh ground beef that cooks clean leaving no fat or grease at all - NONE. It's spectacular.

I am a regular at Groff's, a loyal customer. They all know me. We share small talk. They allow me to order ahead by phone if I like. But I don't. Being a cook, I like the interaction at the shop. I can examine cuts of meat. I can ask for special cuts. Last visit I asked them to stuff a couple pork chops, and butterfly a couple filets. It's no problem. It's what they expect. It's part of the business of a real butcher shop. Try asking for a special cut at the grocery store. LOL Try finding someone to help you at the grocery store. I swear the 18-year-olds at the deli are having a contest to see who can find the best hiding spot.

Last visit to Groff's I asked one of the owners how long they've been in business. She turned around and pointed to a sign that said something like "Since 1886." I'm not sure if I know another business that has been in operation that long. SINCE 1886??? Wow!

And especially a local butcher shop, in this day and age when all the local butchers and bakers and candlestick makers have been run out of town by the huge grocery stores, Groff's is very unique.

One block off the square in Elizabethtown they occupy a space that they've occupied for years. As the landscape of the real estate changes around them they remain simply the same. And they still maintain the same smokehouse right there on the premises that they've used for years and years and years. If you arrive at the right time you'll see a new truckload of pigs being delivered.

Two sisters and two brothers, all of the same original Groff family that started the business around 1886, run the business today. All are beginning to approach retirement age. And none of the sisters or brothers has had any children, threatening the continuation of the Groff's name and the business.

I told the one owner, upon finding out that there were no Groff's offspring, "You better get busy!" I got quite a face in return.

It would be sad to see such a business end, especially because of the family lineage ending, especially after surviving amongst the giant food corporations while so many others haven't.

Tonight it's chicken cordon bleu, made fresh at Groff's. It can't get easier. Groff's has done all the work and we just bake it in the oven.

No pizza around here, no burgers, no microwave food, no Doritos - cancer is demanding healthy eating, fresh ingredients, made simply and well. That's no problem - we've got Groff's.

Now we just need a Groff's of the fruit and vegetable world.

Whoa! Too much blogging, I've got to get out in the cold and get to my butcher!

Cardboard, Grout, Door Stops, and Getting Stronger

I hope everyone is waking up with electricity this morning. Apparently high winds overnight took down a few trees, and a few wires.

It's cold, and it's windy this morning in Marietta, as the last of the storm moves through Central Pennsylvania.

I really do think we should consider hibernation here in the northeast. When it gets near freezing and below, it's hard to get motivated to get up, get moving, and get out in the elements.

The five a.m. wake-up each day is much, much easier the rest of the year.

I'm going to stay busy with menial tasks around the house today. It helps me fight the fatique, and it gets be back, slowly, bit by bit, to more productivity in general.

Today I, again, have to dig myself out of being swamped by cardboard, piling up a little faster right now because of our work with Santa. I've vowed to stay on top of it.

I set some tumbled marble tile in the master bath on Saturday, and I'll look to grout that tile today.

I need to install a couple door stops. I hope to tinker with some antique hardware meant for our master bedroom main door.

It's another episode of This Old House here today (now if I could only get Norm to stop over and help out).

Not A Snow In, Just A Rain Out

As unpleasant as the weather is today, it is better than being stuck in the snow. As a child, I would love to go sledding and build snowmen and such, but when you get a little older, it's more than a pain in the butt!!!

As I find myself recently checking into E-Bay the first time in my life and doing a little selling. Jim had an Archie Manning football card, that we decided to test the waters with, it actually sold. I guess I was somewhat surprised, because it took up until nearing the end of the ten day run until any bidding began. I guess we will continue to try it occasionally


Have a wonderful Sunday!!!

Making it Last

Yes, it's true, I have been giving out Christmas gifts early. I just can't be patient and wait. The doctors say there is a kid inside me, and if they try to remove it I'll die.

Actually, I think I'm just trying to spread Christmas out across the entire month. I'm trying to make it last.

My sister is infamous for her enthusiasm. Typically when the gift giving starts she tears into it, opening gifts, distributing gifts, and it's suddenly over in five minutes. And I still have a bunch of gifts on my lap and at my feet because I was just watching other people, enjoying watching, soaking it in.

So I've been giving Barb a gift here, a gift there. It's to the point where she just starts laughing at my childlike enthusiasm for it. She tells me to be careful, and save something for Christmas Day.

We're heading out to watch Barb's niece play basketball this afternoon, before the winter storm moves in tonight.

I won't be giving any gifts today. I don't think so. Maybe. Well probably not.

Keeping My Schedule

I've developed a little schedule for myself over the past few weeks, which seems to be working, so I'm trying to stick with it.

I wake up every morning at 4:50 a.m. Freckles escorts me down the stairs and to the kitchen, where I take my first dose of Nexavar for the day. I hit the la-z-boy for about an hour and soak in the local news.

Then at 6 a.m. I follow with more medications that help control the side effects of the Nexavar, and I spend a little time on the laptop, maybe blogging a little.

Sometime before 7 a.m. I make breakfast. I eat more for breakfast now then I have in many years. This past week it's primarily been a couple slices of banana bread and a breakfast sandwich of some type.

Sometime after breakfast is digested I start exercising for about 30 minutes. I keep getting stronger but the exercises are modest, some deep knee bends, sit-ups and push-ups, and some work with some hand weights.

Then it's off to the shower. And afterwords I take care of any outstanding business for the day.

My most energetic time is always between 5 a.m. and 11 a.m., so I try to wrap up all of the "must-do" things before lunch. After I digest some lunch I look for ways to keep busy. If I become to idle in the afternoon I become overwhelmed with fatique and then some days concede to a nap.

I was explaining to my Mom yesterday, who stopped in for a visit, my delicate schedule and how I try to keep it so the important things (like exercise) do not go undone.

She said, "Jeeesh, you're just like an old woman."

LOL

And it's not like I hadn't thought that before. Well actually I thought that I was like an old man.

But that's the way it is. When you're working the chemo and the cancer there is no such thing as normal life anymore. Up is down. Left is right. I've always listened to what my body tells me. But I can't do that anymore.

When the fatique hits, I'm not supposed to take a nap. I'm supposed to fight it, get busy, figure out a way to stay awake. That's from the people at Bayer who make Nexavar. Many people on Nexavar give into the fatique and then suffer other malodies related to being so lethargic.

And this fatique is not a matter of just feeling a little sleepy, it's fatique like the kind of fatique that makes an infant fall asleep in their oatmeal.

If I don't feel hungry, tough luck, I've got to eat. Nothing is as simple as just listening to what my body tells me I need.

Well I do appreciate my Mom stopping in for a visit yesterday. If I can get myself as active and motivated as she I'll have accomplished a lot!

And thanks Mom for bringing the chicken patties from Groff's! They've been making great lunches.

A Difference in Generations

Once when I was headed for my kidney specialist I shared an elevator with a talkative, older, retired gentleman.

He darted from subject to subject, interdispersing his storytelling with wit and questions to me, that I wasn't really meant to answer. He was a piece of work. I love guys like that. You just know everywhere he goes he's talking. It doesn't matter whether he knows you or not. Well, it doesn't matter whether you want to talk or not.

The elevator opened and with a nod I walked out and immediately realized that this was not my floor. I got off too early.

No biggie. I live for those stupid moments. I turned around and quickly got back in the elevator, smiling.

"Don't worry about it," the older man said to me, laughing. "I've done that a bunch of times."

This time on the right floor, I stepped out of the elevator and took a right, moving toward my doctor's office. As I reached the door, I peaked over my shoulder and noticed that the man from the elevator was visiting the same doctor's office.

I held the door for him, and he exchanged the courtesy of letting me register first.

As I registered, the receptionist collected my co-pay of $25, and ushered me to the waiting area.

I found an old magazine to read, but before I knew it the man from the elevator was sitting right next to me.

"Did I hear her say that you have a $25 co-pay?" the man asked me.

"Yes," I replied.

"Maaaaannnnnnn," he said, "it just keeps getting worse and worse. What else do you have to pay for? You know my insurance has always covered everything, all my life. That's just the way it used to be."

A nurse opened a door and stated loudly, "Jim Albert."

What a Way to Start a Day

With a storm system moving just north of us this morning, the sunrise came in a spectacular red. A red hue flushed over everything on the ground, while the sun peaking through high sparse clouds dashed highlights over the edges of everything.

Spectacular. I just stood at the back of the house and soaked it in for a good 15 minutes, until Freckles had enough and demanded fresh food and water.

What a blessing, what a gift, what a great way it is to start a day. The unexpected magic of a new day makes it alone worthwhile to get up and dive right into it.

Terrific News

I just received good news from my daughter, the test that she has to take for part of her licensing, she received a 99% on. She has to take a written test on January 5th, so everything seems to be falling into place. So of course I am very proud of her.



You see it happen every day,
so many things change in so many ways.
You take all the steps to succeed in life,
sometimes involving pain and strife.

Everything ends up being worthwhile,
and all it usually takes is a nice, big smile.
Enjoy each day as you can,
and you soon shall see as to when,
the rewards of life can be numerous,
because life should be full of exuberance.

*just a poetic moment*

First Hand Experience

We decided to stay in the warmth of the house yesterday and watch Michael Moore's latest movie "Sicko."

Yes, Moore tends to sensationalize things a bit at times. But, quite frankly, I was surprised how straight he played things in this movie. If I didn't have my own unique personal experiences, I may wonder if he only chose the stories to assemble that supported his point. Moore's point is that the U.S. is failing its citizens in the area of healthcare, and that universal healthcare is the answer.

Because of my unique personal experiences though, I know that the current system is a failure. I know that many of this movies' proclamations are absolutely true.

And, quite frankly, it's embarassing to me.

We decided as a society to provide some things to everyone, schools, libraries, museums, an opportunity to learn. Why would we not decide to provide everyone with healthcare. It's inhuman. It's downright cold and mean. And it's not a good reflection of who I know we really are.

When my cancer spread earlier this year I was overwhelmed with kindness that poured in from everywhere. I know, from personal experience, how kind and giving we are.

So why would we stand by and allow our system to leave 50-million people with no insurance, no access to healthcare? Why would we allow our system to deny care to those who truly need it?

Who we really are, kind, generous, giving people, is not being truly reflected by our system in place.

We hold our structure of capitalism dear. But capitalism and democracy are not the same things. And in matters of healthcare, capitalism has superceded democracy, because as a whole I truly believe that we do want to take care of our own, we do want our sick looked after.

When you really think about it, the idea of driving healthcare decisions based solely on profit margins is really inhumane. In our country, the insurance companies must create profits for stockholders by denying sick people coverage.

And that is exactly how it goes. My insurance company has fought to deny me doctor prescribed treatments and drugs consistently. I've had necessary treatments and drugs delayed and denied by my insurance company. It is in my insurance company's best interest that I die, because until I do I'm a cost burden on the books.

My biggest worry about having cancer is that I will not be able to receive a treatment or drug that I need. You are always on edge. I've talked to quite a few cancer patients, and it's not the experience of all, but it is the experience of many.

We are told that "socialized" medicine is a nightmare in Canada and England and France. I do not truly know what healthcare is like in those countries. But I do know this, they do not worry about whether they'll be able to receive care if they get sick. They have that peace of mind.

And personally, whether I had this cancer to deal with or not, I just do not feel good being a part of our current system, to allow it to continue.

I think that there is a sick person out there right now who is fighting his or her insurance company so they can receive necessary treatments, and much too often not receiving those treatments. It makes me sick.

I think that there is someone's ambulance ride that will bankrupt them because they did not get the ambulance ride "pre-approved" by their insurance company. It makes me sick.

I know politicians on both sides of the fence will tell you that privatized healthcare is the best and only choice. But they are being given donations as high as one million dollars from the insurance lobby. What do you think they're going to say?

I know our own Rick Santorum accepted over $900,000 from the insurance lobby. Too bad Santorum is no longer in office. I'll miss 'ya Rick.

Sorry for jumping up on my "pulpit" this morning.

But I see what we've become and it's not truly who we are. It's not ok with me to just let sick people die, whether that person be me, a loved one, or a total stranger. It's not how I was raised. It does not reflect what I've learned spiritually. It's not the manner of my family or friends.

It's not something I'm comfortable being a part of. Are you?

It's All a Matter of Perspective

When I was a kid I loved to play basketball. I played every day, all year. I played through wind, rain and snow. I played indoors if I had to.

I learned that my all-time favorite basketball player, Pete Maravich, carried a basketball with him everywhere he went when he was growing up. If his Mom sent him to the store for a loaf of bread he dribbled the basketball to the store and back. Maravich said he slept with the basketball.

My basketball was never far. My Mom concluded that my "filthy basketball" probably shouldn't sleep with me. But I always knew where that ball was.

Through a year I'd use the basketball so much I'd wear it out. A seam would begin to split and a bubble would begin to form from the inside bladder starting to sneak through the crack. Santa always seemed to know though, and a new basketball would be under the tree every December 25th.

Once Santa brought me an old ABA style red, white and blue ball. It was the coolest ever.

As long as it wasn't raining too hard, or wasn't too cold, or too windy, I'd spend a couple of hours (at least) each day playing ball. If the elements were too severe then I'd play inside, even if that meant a rolled-up sock and my clothes hamper.

I'd play out entire games, entire seasons, envisioning the interaction of other players and game situations.

Once it snowed a couple of inches overnight but cleared off the next day. I concluded that I could shovel my court and still get some basketball in today.

I shoveled the court meticulously, clearing the snow from the playing area. Now mind you, I didn't shovel the front walk, or the back porch, or any part of the functional driveway. But I did shovel my basketball court.

It was cold enough to wear one glove on the left hand but I kept the right hand bare to be able to feel the basketball roll off my fingers when I shot. When the ball flew off the shoveled court it would roll through snow and become an instant giant snow ball. I saved one corner of the shoveled court to knock the snow off the ball.

Now I noticed while I started playing that a few men had come out of the clubhouse and begun playing hole number 1 on the golf course. We lived on a hill right next to the course, and from our vantage point could see at least 50-percent of the course.

After a few hundred shots, my Dad came out with some trash. I said to him, "Hey Dad, look at these crazy people playing golf today."

He stopped for a moment and looked out at the golf course. He looked at me and said, "Well what do you think they're saying about you."

Strong Week Overall

Looking back over the past week I have to be pretty happy overall. I've eaten strong all week, the digestive system has generally stayed under control, the energy was a little stronger, and I've exercised everyday.

Of course there is always this little strange this or peculiar that each week. But I've stayed after the big three that have been so consistent - eating, digesting and fatique.

Plus the Christmas tree went up this week, and is lighting up the front windows, surrounded by wrapped gifts. It really sparks more interest in the season, and invites Christmas in. Our timing was perfect. We got the tree up just before the snow started to arrive.

Looking forward to the upcoming week, the snow will have to melt if we're to stand any chance of making the borough's last planned leaf collection. We probably have a good 20 giant bags worth to collect yet. The weather forecast is calling for warmer temps (in the 40s), but it's also calling for rain, snow or ice every day through Wednesday (which is collection day).

I'm going to keep eating, keep up with the medicines, and keep exercising, and hopefully we can pull two strong weeks together back-to-back.

Cold, Rain and Snow

To all our Florida friends . . .

The weather guys and gals got all excited last week and predicted a couple inches of snow that never came. So with the next storm system they predicted a dusting and we ended up with about 3-inches in Marietta.

OK. It's a tough job, predicting Mother Nature.

But what a good job to have! If you mess up it's the fault of powers much greater than you.

I guess we can all find something else to blame, powers much greater than are own, for almost everything or anything in life.

But everything seems to be imperfect by design for a reason. Maybe overcoming the challenges of such a diverse nature all around us is more the challenge to live up to, rather than to run away from.

When You Know It's Right

Jim and I were having a chat last evening while we were just hanging around. We discussed the past year and the trials and tribulations that we have been through. I explained to him that you know things are so very right between two people, that you would do anything for them. It matters when you end up knowing that you are with the right person, it may take some time to get there, but for most I would think that it usually happens.

It's about realizing that the person that you are with would do anything for you (and vice-versa)that they are possibly capable of and you can open your heart to that person, along with other things that make the two of you complete. Our relationship as husband and wife are what dreams are made of, it always takes alot of work, but we have both finally made it there.

The Christmas Ladder

Every year I think everyone is absolutely nuts in this town for putting out all the Christmas decorations during Thanksgiving weekend.

Then the annual Candlelight Tour of Homes takes place on the first Saturday of December and I remember why everyone decorates so early. Oops. Well our electric candles were in all the windows at least.

The annual tour of homes is a pretty neat event, since we have some pretty neat homes in this little river town. I remember when we first showed Alyssa our future home town and she said, "This looks like a movie set, like it's right out of some old movie."

There are a few old mansions and grand homes around town, two of the grandest were built by the man who built the Hershey Theater. Barb used to serve on the board of the organization that sponsors the tour, and I handled their web site, before the cancer spread earlier this past year. Who knows? Maybe someday again we'll get back involved, if they'll have us.

We caught up with the rest of Marietta yesterday by getting out for our tree and putting up our holiday decor. We don't go overboard. It's understated compared to most.

We drove north up the river a couple miles to pick out a Douglas Fir. It was bitter cold and extremely windy. Barb picked out pointsettas in the greenhouse as newborn kittens followed her every step. We did not come home with a kitten. I pretended to help the gentleman cutting and bagging our tree. And as soon as we had it in the back of the FJ Cruiser we both sped back into the greenhouse.

Back in Marietta I threw the bagged tree through the front door so I wouldn't drag needles through the house. The tree snapped into place quickly in the stand and in record time was standing proudly before our front windows.

The first string of lights was bundled neatly and layered on the tree neatly without a knot or twist in the lights at all. This was going WAY too smoothly.

I plugged the second string into the first string already on the tree. Only half the lights on the second string lit.

I analyzed the second string for a few moments, pulled bulbs from places and put them in other places, twisted that, pulled this, pretended I knew what I was doing, and then announced that these lights were garbage.

I knew it was going too smooth.

We decided to take off for the CVS in Mt. Joy and Barb ran in for more lights (and came out with a surprise box of chocolates for me...lol).

Back home we were quickly back in business. From there on out it was surprisingly smooth.

I did, once again, string lights on the "Christmas ladder." The what?!?!?

Years ago, I visited an acquaintance who was just out of school, making little money, and trying to find his way. Rather than killing a tree he really couldn't afford, he made the decision to have a "Christmas Ladder" instead of a tree. It was a six-foot step ladder, and when set-up and strung with lights looked pretty much, kind of, sort of, like a tree.

I thought it was brilliant.

When my grandfather passed away I inherited his step ladder. Ever since then I've always had a "Christmas Ladder," strung with lights, decorated with ornaments, and surrounded with gifts. It has always been both a sentiment to my grandfather and an honoring of what I felt was a genius original design concept.

My first Christmas with Barb and Alyssa, I explained the history and interest of the "Christmas Ladder." Since Alyssa made faces like she was working on the world's largest sour ball, I pushed the story further and explained to her the historical significance of the "Christmas Ladder" to my family and how it was passed down through generations (hee hee hee).

Alyssa asked if we were going to get a tree. "Why would we need a tree?" I asked her. "We have the Christmas Ladder."

Well Alyssa was convinced I was out of my mind. She discussed it with Mom, and with Grandma. I was approached with concerns that I may be involved in some type of new culture that decorated ladders during holidays.

I had to give in with my small prank. Of course we were going to get a tree. I always do. And we went out and got a great tree, and decorated it, and had a great first Christmas together.

We decorated the "Christmas Ladder" too. We woke Alyssa up early one morning for something "really important." Then sleepy eyed she stood before the ladder as we asked her to plug in the cord for the ceremonial first lighting of the "Christmas Ladder."

She plugged them in, gave out a tired laugh, and went back to bed.

Pushing Forward

I've been pretty energetic this past week, after a week prior where I almost took a nap each and every afternoon.

The appetite and eating in general has been up this past week too. Don't ask me why. I'm not sure the doctors really understand either when it comes to these new drugs.

We made up some New York strips last night with a sherry mushroom sauce and my stomach took it like a champ. Beef is often not my friend these days. Although I'm still shy about ground beef or sausage, I will try an occasional strip steak or filet.

It could be the steady exercise routine I guess. Last week was the first week that I stuck with the exercises each and every day. And I'll be pushing myself to exercise every day this week as well.

This week will start pretty busy though. We're taking off for my butcher and the grocery store this morning. By the time I have all the groceries unloaded from the FJ Cruiser I'm usually pretty beat. And tomorrow we're going to go grab a Christmas tree and get it set-up and start the Christmas decorating.

But Christmas shopping is way ahead this year. I'm breaking all kinds of personal records this year in being prepared. The fact that my life is simpler now, with most of the daily focus on simple things like nutrition, rest and exercise, has made it possible. I always worked 10 to 12 hour days, six days a week (like too many of us), and keeping up with personal obligations would often be difficult.

We work too hard. There are other significant aspects of life.

Somewhat of a Disappointment....

I went to our local elementary school in hopes to find a craft fair this morning and what I found was more like a home business fair. This was not exactly what I had planned. Some of things were of the typical such as Pampered Chef, Tastefully Simple, etc., but then there were others that just did not strike me as interesting. After all, that was not the reason I had gone there after-all.

This is the time of the year when I personally would think that these types of things would be easy to find, but maybe not. I was actually looking forward to maybe some Christmas gift ideas and possibly decorations. I think I will continue to do something as Jim would call criss-cross (actually cross-stitch) I don't know maybe that will be my money making plan???

I know that this has been a confusing blog, but that is what was on my mind.

All a Matter of Perspective

I was curious if anyone had time to listen to the story from Kevin Kling that I had posted yesterday? I really like this guy.

When Charlie and Alyssa came over for dinner last night I played it for them. Listening to the story again I seemed to notice even more how it translates so directly to my past year.

Events in your life can turn your perspectives upside down and all around. And like this storyteller I found new perspectives through traumas.

It's easy to get caught up in the details of the lives we create around us - jobs, the stock market, raking leaves. We can become so busy and focused on our needs that we forget about our blessings.

I've always kept in touch with my blessings. But, I too, of course, get caught up like everyone else in my daily needs.

I've always maintained an attitude that the best things in life are free - a sunrise or sunset, a child's smile, the love of family. But I'd also get caught up in the silliest details of work, which in the big picture are meaningless.

My trauma, like the storytellers, has opened my eyes and freshened my perspective, to see all the blessings in life, and to feel thankful for being able to experience them.

Prayer: Once a Last Resort, Now a Habit

I was going to transcribe in my own words a story I heard on NPR radio sometime ago. But then I was lucky enough to find the actual story as told by Kevin Kling on the NPR website, I decided it would be better just to share the link instead.

This was one of those stories that just stuck in my head as soon as I heard it. (And trust me not too much sticks up there!)

With my own battle with cancer this year the story seems even more poignant.

I hope you'll take a minute or two to listen to this story. It's very entertaining.

Click here to listen to story.

And We Learn From Them

Heather and I sharing Thanksgiving Day.

I like to warn people that I'm very immature for my age. As each year goes by that becomes less and less true. But it's still a motto I like to live by. And it seems to make people laugh.

Children have such innocence. Sure they ingeniously work up their tricks and schemes over time. But they approach life with wide eyes and open minds, willing to believe wanting to learn. And they approach life without the prejudices our life experiences have silently heaped upon us.

I do think that it's important, no matter what the age, to keep a little of that childlike enthusiasm inside.

Once, many years ago, I was working in a press shop. I was the art director and I roamed the plant once or twice a day to check out how jobs I designed and set-up for production were working out. It was invaluable. How did I screw up? How did I do well? How can I do better?

Deadlines in press production are often a little insane. One day on one of my walks back through the plant I saw a friend, working a magazine through a folding and stitching machine. I could tell he was worked up. His voice was raised. His body darted about the machine. His face was stiff with anxiety. He was trying to make an impossible deadline.

I snuck up behind him and whispered in his ear, "I like puppies," and I walked away.

I glanced back. He was looking at me walk away. He was still stone faced, still feeling the stress. Then suddenly he broke up in uncontrollable laughter.

At the end of the day he came up to me in my office. He had just finished the crunch job on deadline. He said to me "What the heck was that 'I like puppies' comment?"

I smiled and just shrugged my shoulders.

He smiled back, and walking away he said, "Thanks, I needed that."

We all need that from time to time.

So keep jumping out of those armoires Bill!!!

teeheehee

Keeping Pace

My archnemesis, my mortal enemy, my daily battle, is against cardboard.

We seem to drown in it.

We are internet shoppers. With the price of gas, and the extra time necessary to travel to shop, the cost of having something delivered seems to make more and more sense everyday.

And with every delivery comes more cardboard. It seems to build at incredible rates. All the cardboard must be sliced down to required size and boxed for collection. It's quite a process. And quite a challenge to keep up.

I have declared war against cardboard. At present, the battle could go either way.

But we'll continue to shop on the internet. Keeping me out of stores in general makes for a kinder planet. I don't know what it is about people in stores. They seem to forget that any other human exists on the planet but themselves, parking carts across aisles, commandering sections of stores at a time, lost in a far-away gaze at the products around them, hypnotized in another world.

It's like the first time I went to an all you can eat seafood buffet at the shore. It sounded like an awesome idea . . . until we got there. The buffet was a war zone with people diving into crab legs and clearing them all as soon as they hit the warmer, elbowing, jockeying for position. Ugh.

One of my priorities wherever I go is to be conscious of others, to not have any negative effects on anyone else around me, no matter how simple. It's just me. I want to stay out of the way.

Yes. There are some things that you just need to go out to shop for. And I know a couple gals that enjoy the "hunt," and graciously leave sourpusses like myself at home.

I've never been able to complete my Christmas shopping without having to go out to a local store. But, maybe, just maybe, this year will be the first all-internet Christmas shopping event. And through December I'll continue to slice and to rip and to fold and to pack, and I'll continue my personal battle to keep our lives free of excessive cardboard in our basement.

Not So Nice Weather

Rain, Rain Go Away, Come Back Again Some Other Day.....

This messes up the plans that you end up having for raking any leaves and preparing them for pick up on Wednesday. Jim and I always share the responsibility of raking on Monday's and bagging on Tuesday's, but it's not going to happen today. I just don't want to see the leaves lay around for an extensive period of time that they rot.

On the other hand, I wish luck to my daughter today in one of her permanent license test for the salon that she works at. I can't imagine with all the hard work that she has put into it, that she won't do well.

I certainly hope that everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving, I had the pleasure of seeing both my family and my husband's family including his Aunt from Florida. Everyone had a very memorable time.

All of you take care until another day.

Enjoy the Quiet

During the Thanksgiving holiday the world goes quiet.

Now if you found yourself stuck in holiday traffic or joining the masses on Black Friday you may not feel the same. But for Barb and I the Thanksgiving weekend just slowed everything down, which is a refreshing break.

Not that things are real fast paced in good 'ol Marietta. But the lunch time traffic at the deli across the street was certainly much less. There were very few trucks rumbling through town. No one seemed in much of a rush of any kind.

I'm learning more and more that the chemo brings me a different adventure each and every week.

This week, if I bend my arm at the elbow just right and then slowly swing my arm back along my body to just the right point I suddenly get neuropathy of a nerve, which is a tingling, burning sensation. I've had it in other areas, including my neck, hands and feet. So far it's just come and then gone away. (shrugging shoulders) Strange huh?

Also my stomach decided to go cramp crazy this week. It feels like someone's inside there just squeezing. That has come and gone before too.

Each week it's a certain combination of various ailments.

But I continue to feel stronger, slowly but surely. I continue to fight towards good health.

The Thanksgiving quiet will end tomorrow and the hustle and bustle will be back, amidst a predicted full day of downpours.

And I'll be back exercising and working, nursing all the little aches and pains.

Because as everyone exclaimed at Thanksgiving festivities when I entered and pulled the beanie off my head . . . "Oooooooooo HAIR!!!"

Thanks

I am thankful to wake up every morning to enjoy another day of challenges anew.

I'm thankful to people, those around me who've helped me so much, who without I'd be dreadfully lost.

I'm especially thankful to Barb, for all she's dealt with, helped with, and just simply done over and over again and again.

I'm thankful for marshmallows. I don't know why but I think they're neat.

I'm thankful for cancer survivors who share their experiences so others can learn and prepare and beat these diseases.

I'm thankful for morning sunlight, shooting horizontal across the landscape, crisping the edges of all objects in its path.

I'm thankful to anyone who tells a a story, cracks a joke, makes an expression, and makes me smile.

I'm thankful for doctors and nurses who care, who show up each day not because they're getting paid to, but because they want to help, they want to accomplish.

I'm thankful to God for all that he has created around us.

It was great to be around all of the families this Thanksgiving Day week. There was lots of food, fun and friendship, and plenty of smiles. Barb and I feel very thankful for that. And there's just no better entertainment than the young ones faces, and their endless energy.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Chasing a Wild Pig Running Loose

Taking my chemotherapy drug is a bit like letting a wild pig loose in our house. The wild pig tears through the house destroying almost everything in its path. But it can't destroy the house itself.

And you don't know which direction the pig is heading, to the kitchen maybe, over to the office, the family room, up the stairs?

Each morning at 5 a.m. I grab two Nexavar tablets, cringe just a little, pop the pills in my mouth, and swallow, letting the wild pig loose in my body. I'll sit down and continue to wake up with a glass of ice water and wait to find out what the chemo has in store for me today.

Some days the chemo will create fatique, at any moment. Like a child falling asleep in his oatmeal, suddenly I can be gripped with fatique and desperately need a nap.

Some days the chemo will create digestive problems, at any moment. I try to chase around the digestive problems with medications and well-timed eating. It's tough though chasing that wild pig around.

Some days the chemo seems to just make me feel sore, somewhere, somehow.

But as long as the chemo continues to allow me to wake up everyday and hug my wife . . . bring on the side effects. I'll deal with them.

Four Letter Word

Snow.

Jeesh, snow. That's definitely a four letter word around here.

It's not much. But just the sight of it as we woke up this morning was enough to remind us that the bucket of salt and the shovel are not far away.

I never much cared for the cold. And even though I grew up on top of a sledding and snowfort paradise, I've always preferred summertime, cut-off shorts and cannonballs into the deep end.

Since snow seems to have had a great deal to do with the original diagnosis of my cancer, it's met with even more mixed feelings from me. After a big snow in February of 2006 I found myself shoveling for a couple of hours. The next day problems appeared and I was off to the doc, off to the CT scans, and off to surgery.

On one hand, of course, the snow reminds me of originally learning of my cancer. On the other hand, without all the physical exertion that the snow created I may not have learned of the cancer for who knows how long.

So perhaps I should be thankful to the snow.

But I'm still hoping for a warm, dry winter.

Thanks!
Barb's family held an early Thanksgiving yesterday to help alleviate all of the crazy Thursday running around from everyone.

Thanks to Jay and Debbie and Ellis for inviting us all into their home, being such gracious hosts, and preparing such an incredible feast.

There is so much to be thankful for, and near the top of that list has to be the opportunity to have all the family together like that to share some laughs and some smiles.

It's great to watch the kids tear about when you know they're not your responsibility. LOL

The Holiday Season is Here

Saturday morning welcomes us with a brisk 31-degrees in Marietta, and high, soft clouds that look like they were taken straight from a painting. The red maple off the back porch is covered in fiery red leaves. The yard is littered with leaves.

Freckles tears about with one extra-large clump of hair left on his back. He's almost completely shed into his winter coat now. I think he misses Summer for similar reasons to me. We both like to sit out back, feeling the warm breeze gently blow in from the river, watching the birds and squirrels who visit us on the porch.

I'm feeling pretty good. I still wrestle with some fatique, some digestive stuff. My skin has suddenly started drying out pretty good. But I'm sure that's contributed to by the start of the furnace and the closing of all the storm windows.

In my world I worry about everything and nothing. So many "things" have come and gone you kind of take it in stride. At least through the past few months everything I've dealt with seems to be related to treatments rather than being caused by the disease itself.

And the feeling in the cancer world seems to be "I'll gladly take a punch in the stomach today if you don't punch me in the head." Or in other words I'll gladly deal with side effects from treatments as long as the cancer stays away.

Thanksgiving has arrived. It's my favorite holiday, all of the friends, fun and food . . . none of the presents. Plus it's a holiday of fine tradition that we haven't completely commercialized yet . . . outside a little football.

I certainly have a lot to be thankful for this year. Everyone around me has shown such incredible support that I will never be able to match it in return.

Before long Christmas will be here. I've never felt like much of a qualified Santa Claus. I have no problems with generosity and giving. It's just giving what to whom that I've far from perfected.

But this year, because of a laptop computer and generally more time on my hands I've actually ordered two Christmas presents already. They both arrived last week. This is by far the earliest I've ever shopped for Christmas. It's completely unheard of for me.

And I've already given both of these presents to Barb already (commercial strength coffee maker and new sneakers). LOL

Like I said, I never felt like much of a qualified Santa Claus. I don't even have the patience to hold the presents until December 25th.

But then I've always felt that unexpected gifts at unexpected times were a little more special than holiday gifts.

Keep your eye out for those unexpected gifts. Sometimes it may be new sneakers. Sometimes it may be as simple as a smile.

Balance

Every now and again, in one of my reflective moments, I'll think of the stark reality of Earth - everything on Earth must consume other things on Earth to survive. What a set up huh?

With each passing decade we successfully separate ourselves from that reality. One hundred years ago I would be expected to hunt to supplement the family's food supply. There's nothing like having to kill to understand the meaning of survival here on Earth.

Today I only hunt in that cold section of the grocery store. And I like it that way.

So Earth is an environment of competitiveness, a survival of the fittest. I'd say we're winning. We're everywhere.

And I believe if the Earth gets sick of us it will kick us off - earthquakes, tidal waves, volcanos, climate changes, disease . . . cancer.

Our spirituality often draws us to look to the skies, upward to heaven, to the stars and beyond. But don't forget to also look below your feet, to look all around you. This Earth was built as one unit, with a delicate system of balances, which includes us.

If balance is an obviously important value of successful life on Earth than shouldn't we respect that? We look to the heavens for answers to some of our most troubling affairs. Have we already been given the guidance we need in everything around us? Are we missing the clues? Or just ignoring some of stark realities?

I do believe that being good custodians of the planet is part of spiritual awareness.

But as we separate ourselves more and more from the natural realities around us we forget more and more about the significance of balancing all that was created. This also removes us further from our spiritual awareness.

I once knew a woman who worked hard to draw song birds to her backyard. She was successful and soon song birds were enjoying feeders and baths in her yard. One day working in her backyard she watched in horror as an owl glided silently towards a feeder and snatched a small bird swooping it away.

She called a wildlife resource to ask what she could do to get rid of the owl. A local park ranger told her that the owl was there because his food was there. So she could get rid of the owl by getting rid of the song birds she worked so hard to draw.

It's a balancing act.

Some will say, "Let's save the Earth." I say, "Let's save ourselves!"

The Earth can take care of itself. But, if we upset the created balances of Earth, will we be able to take care of ourselves?

So...way too philosophical today. I better take in a little Sponge Bob Square Pants.

Good Friends

There is nothing like seeing a good friend that you haven't seen in quite a few months or even had an opportunity to talk to. Jim and I had a surprise visit by one of my good friends from Clipper Magazine (Ms. Robin), she actually did come over with some books I had left behind at Clipper. I was so glad to see her because I miss alot of the people that I had worked very closely with, and they know that, or at least I hope that they do. She did hang out for awhile and we chatted and caught up with some time lost and we hope to get together some time soon with some of the other people that I worked with at Clipper, which I feel would be a great thing to do.

I hope the people that I worked closely with, know that I think about them frequently and know how much I miss them.

Super Heroes

When I was young, oh about 11 or 12, I'd drop into a five and dime store on Main Street in Myerstown. If I was lucky enough to have a nickel or dime in my possession I'd gladly spend it on a comic book. It was the only place to find a comic book in town.

Spiderman, the Fantastic Four, for me it was an early appreciation for graphics, illustration, and publishing at large. I scoured each comic book that I was lucky enough to get my hands on. It was one of the first things I wanted to spend my hard earned nickels on. Later came candy and baseball cards.

In many of these comic book tales ordinary people became extraordinary after accidental exposure to radiation. I'm still waiting to see what super power radiation bestows on me.

Since I took the radiation to the head, perhaps I'll be able to read minds, or shoot laser beams from my eyes! I don't think the radiation is going to turn my nature of goodwill to a mindset of evil bent on ruling the world. Please warn me if you see any indication of that!

But even when I was a young kid with a nickel in his pocket, I knew that super heroes were only fun fantasy, just a tickle to the imagination. But the comic books weren't really that far off.

When I see all of the people fighting cancer, or those who have fought cancer, people of all ages from little tiny guys and gals to our elders, they all remind me of super heroes. When I hear stories of what people have endured, how bravely they've fought their disease while feeling at their weakest, it's inspirational.

To see a three-year-old with cancer smiling ear to ear, running and playing while feeling completely lousy, you see a comic book super hero in real life.

A Little Sweat on the Forehead

I do enjoy simple physical tasks. Whether it be painting or dusting or mowing the yard, I enjoy being able to step back when I'm done and soak in what I've accomplished.

For someone who has always spent a lot of mental energy each day in my career, having simple physical energy releases were always important to me for balance.

Today Barb and I will start our second major leaf collection. Today is raking. Tomorrow is bagging. Wednesday they'll come to pick them up.

Thankfully (LOL) we only have one rake, so Barb and I take turns. One of us will go at it until we've had enough and then call for a substitute. The other will step in.

You can't get much more simple, or more physical, then raking leaves. And today I look forward to both the simple and the physical. That's right, I'm looking forward to raking leaves.

The physical part is, literally, just what the doctor ordered. I need to keep seeking better fitness. Raking leaves will work out a few important muscles, and a few I didn't even know I had.

The simple part is refreshing, the brisk Fall air, the beauty of the color of the leaves, the pure awe at the amount of leaves, the smell of the neighbors wood stove, the sight of Barb suddenly running and leaping into a huge pile of leaves (as she did last year).

And in the end today we will stand back and look at the HUGE pile of leaves collected between the tall wooden fence and the grand old oak tree. Then we'll take in the freshly cleaned backyard, already accepting a few new leaves to replace the old ones. We'll smile and give each other a nod, no words being necessary, and we'll soak in what we've simply accomplished.

Life is what you make of it.

More Random Notes

Welcome to the weekend, and just a few quick random notes.

Barb got out with the girls Thursday to do a little shopping. The trip was a success and Barb returned with a few bags, even more smiles, and lots of leftover energy. Thanks Susan and Alyssa for getting her out a bit. It must be tough to be locked up with me all the time! But she's such a trooper, with such an awesome spirit.

Barb's smiles quickly turned this morning when Freckles decided to stalk, then pounce, then dig into her ankle. He likes us. Really he does. This is undoubtedly his unacceptable form of playing sometimes. The cat is now in the dog house. I wouldn't let anyone scratch Freckles wide open, and I won't let him get away with doing it to someone else.

The rasta dredlocks Freckles has been sporting have really begun to fall off now. We'll be walking through the house and suddenly discover what looks exactly like lucky rabbits' feet.

I'm keeping busy with household things. The two remaining air conditioning units upstairs finally made it to their winter home in the basement. I'm working on the computer as well. The busier I keep myself the more energy I seem to have. About once a week the fatique will strike me in the middle of the day, and then I'm bound for a two-hour nap to bring the energy back around.

There's some good English soccer on TV later today. So I'm off to get the electric window candles from the basement and begin installing them on all the windows. As long as I'm free for the soccer game around noon. It's important to have priorities! lol

The Incredible Shrinking Man

Around this time last year, I started to notice that the size 36-inch waist pants I've been fitting into for the past 20-years were starting to get kind of snug.

I caved in and pulled dozens of jeans and slacks off my shelves and started to replace them with size 38s. Luckily it was nearing Christmas and before long my shelves were filling up with jeans that fit.

As my brother-in-law said, "Welcome to the other side."

For some strange reason I just didn't have the heart to throw away all of my size 36-inch waist pants. I stacked them at the bottom of my closet, made sure that Freckles couldn't possibly lay on them, and forgot about them.

Recently Barb started dropping hints to me that my clothing was looking pretty big on me. I came to accept the wider waist and really never considered that my size would ever go back down.

For some reason I always remember Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon talking at the beginning of a Tonight Show. Johnny asked Ed if he eats because he enjoys it or because he knows he has to. Ed, a man after my own heart, said that he of course ate because he enjoys it. Johnny made a quick joke or two and then said that he eats because he knows he has to.

I've always found that a bit odd. I ate because I loved to. Or, at least that's the way it had always been. Now I understand the other side, eating because you know you have to.

But I do eat. The portions are healthy, but nowhere near the portions I used to enjoy.

Barb's usually right. Could my clothing now be too big?

I didn't really believe it until I saw a picture of myself. My jeans were bunched in at the waist, full through the legs. They were definitely too big. Barb's always right.

I remembered putting all of my old pants aside at the bottom of the closet. I pulled the pile out and tried the top pair on. It was a perfect fit. I didn't think I'd really see the old size 36s again. But they were back.

Now I have to pile all of the size 38-inch pants at the bottom of the closet.

Working Hard

Getting myself back to "normal" has been a slow process. It's just the nature of the beast. I can tell from week to week that I continue to improve. But this certainly isn't like the flu where you can wake up and say, "I feel a little better today."

I am getting to a point where I can begin to tell what symptoms are the result of the radiation treatments, and what side effects are the result of the chemo.

I've read some testimonials from other cancer patients who've received extensive radiation treatments. Many wrote about just how long it takes to return to "normal," after radiation. Many mentioned a time frame around one year. And for others, some things have just never returned to "normal."

For me, I still do have some ringing in my ears. If my face gets a little red from exercising or doing some physical work you can still see the radiation line above my eyebrows. My forehead remains pale while my face is rosey and it does not appear as if life is yet back to normal in my head, inside the radiation field.

I believe that many glands are still recovering and coming back to life. It's hard to pin a doctor down on this one, since the effects of radiation, beyond killing cancer cells, are a bit of a mystery. My eye muscles were affected by the radiation, as well as my speech, but both continue to improve with each passing month.

With many of the radiation effects waning, the chemo has had more opportunity to present its own fun side effects. Primarily the chemo turns my digestive system into an amusement park. Every day is different, some better and some worse. But dealing with it and trying to control it with medicine and proper diet has been the biggest challenge of the chemo treatments. The chemo is like putting a little poison in your body everyday. But it's a poison that's attacking the poison that already exists - the cancer.

I've gotten more and more serious about my morning exercises. It's meager compared to what I could do before cancer came to town. But it's helping and I'm feeling the ongoing improvement, and that's all that counts.

Thanks to everyone who forwarded me recipes. With very limited amounts of beef now in my diet we're greatly expanding our poultry and fish menu. Last night I made Chicken Tetrazzini for the first time. It was a great way to use up leftover chicken from Barb's roaster that she made on Sunday. The Tetrazzini was awesome. I still can't eat portions like I used to, but I finished a healthy portion, cleaning my plate. By the way that Barb went back for seconds, I'd say the Chicken Tetrazzini is a recipe worth trying.

OK. Time to exercise.

Time to Reflect

I cannot believe the weeks continue to fly by. It's already so close to the holiday season and closing in fast. This year I want to try and get a better jump on the holiday shopping. It's becomes increasingly difficult year to year to figure out what to buy for those on your Christmas list.

My endeavor with the guest bathroom has worked out very well, between the painting and the stenciling and the general decor. (other projects to follow) Anyway, it is also local election day in our area, I wish we knew more in relation to the candidates.

Obviously I am just grasping at things to say because I run out of ideas, but everyone have a good one.

Enjoy the Right to Guess, I Mean Vote

Election Day is tomorrow and I feel a need to get out and be counted and cast my votes.

There are some local issues that I feel pretty strongly about. I feel it's important to do my part to try to change some current local directions.

First of all, in the Spring of 2006 our current local school board raised real estate taxes 19-percent. Nineteen-percent?!?!?!? What goes up 19-percent? Did your income go up 19-percent?

The school board justified the tax increase by saying that years of former boards being afraid to raise taxes made this huge tax increase now painfully necessary.

I considered it horribly irresponsible. That large of a tax increase is impossible for local property owners to budget or plan for. I know it led to at least one local business closing. I'm sure it had a great negative impact locally. Locals were up in arms.

And I have a tough time understanding such a lack of funds when new developments with $250,000 homes are going up everywhere locally and generating more and more property taxes.

To me, it sounds like some school board members need to be replaced. Voting is really the only method of checks and balances we hold over government.

Also we have a renegade mayor here in the borough of Marietta. He fashions himself as a bit of a puppet master who pulls the strings, and makes things happen the way he sees fit. After a snowfall borough personnel and vehicles magically appear at his fortress of a home and clear all of his snow meticulously. Then they start to work on the public roads.

When our borough council decided that the mayor was abusing his oversight privileges over the local police force they voted to remove the mayor as the borough's representative to the police force and voted a council member to assume the position instead.

The mayor reacted as expected. What? You dare challenge the authority of the puppet master?

The mayor tapped thousands and thousands of dollars from our small borough budget to sue borough council. He cited some ancient and obscure state law that provides mayors with the right to oversee local police.

The mayor is not up for election this year (He is running for a school board position though.) But being the puppet master the mayor has convinced a handful of local cronies to run for borough council seats. He's working hard to load council full of folks who will vote as he sees fit.

When you see officials abuse their power at the smallest level, it makes you wonder what's going on at the highest level.

We're a small borough. We're landlocked and we have a pretty fixed tax base and a pretty meager budget. We have a very tough time just trying to keep up with the costs of upgrading our infrastructure. Does the mayor spending thousands of taxpayers' dollars to sue borough council sound like a responsible decision? All so he can have power over the police? Why does he crave such power?

Sounds like I have more reasons to vote tomorrow. It's the only power I have.

But there's a small problem. I don't know anyone on the ballot. I don't know why they're running for office, who they are, what they stand for. And I'm struggling to try to find out anything about any of the candidates.

The Lancaster paper published a voter's guide last week. But all that was published for Marietta Borough and Donegal School District was a list of names. We've only lived here for three and a half years. We do not recognize one name on either list.

More importantly we do not know anything about any of these people, what they stand for, what their goals are. We don't know anything.

I've been searching for information, scouring old news archives online, talking to locals that we know, trying to find out everything I can. I've managed to identify one candidate for borough council that has been hand-picked by the mayor. That's it.

I don't know if I've ever had more personal interest in voting. And I don't know if I've ever been more ill-equipped to vote responsibly. I just can't go into the voting booth and vote for someone based on party affiliation, or a nice face, or a name I like. I have an overwhelming fear that tomorrow I will accidentally vote for people that are supporting all of the things that I'm against.

All of the local papers in the county, who we used to be able to count on for this important local information, have been bought out by large news corporations. Our local Donegal Ledger recently sold to a media group in Philadelphia, and gone is all our local news. The Lancaster papers cover the city news and fighting amongst county commissioners. But when it comes to local municipal news they opt to run stories on Britney Spears instead.

When watching news on TV or reading it in the paper, I always ask myself "How does this story affect my life?" If news doesn't affect my life, I don't bother with it. How does a woman in Texas murdering her five children affect my life? It doesn't. It's like slowing down to get a better look at a car accident.

I'm going to become a news reporter again today, back to my original profession. I'll have to make my own phone calls, collect my own information, to see if I can piece together the local election puzzle.

I'm sure my dilemna is a common one for many. If people are provided the information they need about candidates I believe that they will be interested and they will vote. But to many it just doesn't seem worth the time if it all boils down to "eenie, meenie, miinie, moe."

Good Morning

Morning light over a cornfield just outside of Marietta as shot by Barb at 45 miles per hour.

I started tossing and turning a bit. I propped myself up to peak at the alarm clock over Barb's shoulder and it read 4:30 a.m. I decided to get up since I have to take the chemo at 5 a.m.

Freckles met me in the upstairs hallway. The Berber carpet is just right for him to dig his claws into a little. So his natural instincts take over and he assumes the pounce position, pumping his paws to feel his claws grip the carpet.

I stumble around him and by the time I reach the end of the hallway he takes off like a bullet and lands aggressively by my right foot. He stops there. He knows. I bite back.

Freckles follows me down the stairs. We stop at the bottom. I stare at a foreign object on the floor, while Freckles stares at me. Stepping around the foreign object I reach the overhead light switch, turn the light on, and turn around to return and find a 6-inch by 2-inch matted, hard, clump of Freckles hair. It was a new record, large enough for me to save on a paper towel for Barb to see later.

Freckles has finally started to shed in his annual seasonal ritual. He first becomes covered in large, matted clumps of hair that look just like lucky rabbits' feet. Now shedding time has finally started.

As I move around the kitchen and sun room Freckles matches my every step, circling my feet, and closing in to rub against my leg every time I stop.

I fix myself a glass of ice water and land in the family room La-Z-Boy. As I reach for one of the 57 remote controls I notice that the clock in the entertainment unit reads 3:34 a.m.

3:34 a.m.?

Don't forget to move your clocks back everyone.

Friday Notes

Me in the FJ Cruiser, with Barb taking charge of the camera.

Sorry it's been a couple days since we've "blogged." We've been embattled with a bathroom ceiling light/fan. I'll spare you all the blow by blow details. But with a little touch-up painting today we're going to be able to check that project off our lists.

I've always said that I'll do anything but electrical or plumbing work. Primarily because it always seemed to be important, significant work that should be done by someone more qualified than me. But since buying this old house, I've done both electrical and plumbing work. It's been fairly simple stuff though, mainly replacing fixtures. The bathroom ceiling light/fan will be the seventh light fixture in the house we've changed.

I guess I just feel more comfortable knowing how my house works, so I'm happy to dive into this stuff and learn. Mainly, I want to know what to do if something in the house doesn't work. I joke with Barb that we're on a mission to become more self-sufficient - more Amish.

I know a lot about this house. And I've got a lot to learn.

I'll work to further winterize the house today, while Barb finishes that touch-up painting in the bathroom. Not real exciting stuff, but it needs to be done and there's a sense of accomplishment at the finish. The work keeps me active and the more I'm active the more I'm fighting the fatique from the chemo.

The chemo does make everyday a little bit of a dice roll. You never know what you're going to get. I've had high energy days, and days that have required a nap. But I try to keep building it up, trying to get back to "normal." It's too early to know exactly what the chemo has in store for me today. We shall see.

Happy Friday everyone!

Deep in the Leaves

Sunrise on top of Chiques Rock, overlooking the Susquehanna River, just outside of Marietta.


The first of many leaf pick-ups is tomorrow in Marietta. I'd estimate that we have about 14 giant bags of leaves. My personal record is just over 20 bags in one session.

In the past, leaf raking was solely my responsibility and I spent many, many hours cleaning up the yard each Fall. The one thing I've enjoyed this Fall is that Barb and I do everything together. I enjoy working with Barb. I think we make a great team.

Yesterday we took turns raking the yard, switching off whenever we got winded. Now we have a giant pile of wet leaves waiting for both of us to bag today.

The physical work, no matter how seemingly insignificant, is invigorating and makes me feel great - as long as I don't overdue it. But regardless of how good the physical exercise makes me feel while I'm working, afterwords it's pretty much a guarantee that I'll be exhausted. But as long as I keep at it, my endurance seems to improve a little bit with each and every effort.

We want to make an effort to take more photographs, and post them on the blog. Even if we're not surrounded by exciting material to photograph, we're hoping that creativity can overcome the lack of opportunities.

I must say though, that everytime I see a photograph of myself these days I just end up filing it. I'm not a very vain person . . . but I barely recognize myself in a photo these days.

Yesterday we drove up to the top of Chiques Rock at sunrise and took a few photographs (one of which is above). It was a very brisk morning, with frost on the ground. The sun behind us lit up the hillside on the other side of the river, and morning mist floated low to the ground.

We'll see what we can come up with for tomorrow!

Just Can't Think About It Everyday

Between all of the medications and their side effects, it's impossible to not think about cancer each and every day.

But I don't make it a point to really sit down and think about cancer everyday. It would drive me crazy. I think survivors should do their best to just get out and live every day.

It is definitely valuable to take an active interest in your own illness and your own care. Without a doubt, cancer patients need to be involved in their care and treatment. Sometimes you just need to sit down and scour reports, scour the internet, talk to doctors and nurses and other patients. You can't wait on the medical community to take the initiative, you have to take your own.

But you just can't do it everyday. Some cancer patients do.

Cancer is frightening. But, it is no more frightening than life in general.

In everything there is positive and negative, even with cancer. I think it's important to approach each day, each week, each month, with balance.

It's still important for me to research available drugs (a new one for kidney cancer has just become available), research side effects of treatments, talk to other patients and share experiences. A lot of that can become very serious in content.

But it's still important also to chase Freckles around the house, work on the house, draw and take photos, spend time with family and friends.

Like this blog, somedays I need to address the cancer, and somedays I need to talk about something completely different, hopefully even something silly.

Little of This, Little of That

The temperature is supposed to drop to 35-degrees tonight, with widespread frost.

Is it just me, or has the delay of daylight savings time made it seem like the sun is rising these days around noon?

Barb has finished painting in the second bathroom - yellow and sage. The gals have painted that side of the house, on the second floor - purple, pink, peach, yellow and sage - when I wasn't looking.

LOL I'm not the kind to have to control everything. It's not the colors I would have picked out (especially the pink), but anyone who resides here should influence, and will influence, the style of the house.

Plus it looks pretty good. Well, ok, everything but the pink. LOL

Now we'll jump in there for some overhead light replacements and repairs.

Hopefully Barb will be singing to the radio in her second bathroom again soon!

Thanks to those that have sent in some poultry and fish recipes. I've fully returned to the kitchen and am running all burners. I've always loved to cook, because I've always loved to eat.

It's a little strange to have to worry about what I eat. For example, I still crave the sweet sausage sandwich from the deli across the street (only made on occasion) smothered in onions and peppers - but my body is just not too fond of it anymore. So I can crave it, but I can't have it.

Now it's chicken and turkey and fish and shellfish, and quite frankly I've always done a lot more with beef then I have with poultry and fish. So any recipes? I'm interested.

The Red Sox won. Penn State lost. And Newcastle United looked miserable in defeat in the English soccer league. Let's not talk about it.

Halloween has taken over Marietta. A lit ghost (quite well done) has taken its annual perch above Shank's Tavern. The haunted decorations abound throughout town. Soon the little trick-or-treaters will be rambling through the streets. Halloween gives me the chance to wear my "World's Biggest Afro" wig. You've got to like that.

But give me Thanksgiving, and it will be here before we know it. Thanksgiving is the best - all of the family, all of the friends, all of the food, and none of the presents!

Killers Inside

I take two chemo pills in the morning and two in the evening. The chemo seeks out cancer growth areas and tries to suffocate those areas' blood supply. Cancer growth areas typically use more blood and exhibit certain chemical profiles. But the chemo cannot perfectly distinquish between cancer areas and regular areas. So sometimes regular areas get attacked too.

It's an interesting lottery draw each day. The chemo adds an unpredictable pit bull inside you, and you never know from day-to-day what mood the pit bull is going to be in, or what he may or may not be attacking on this day.

Taking chemo, in general, and at the least, makes you feel like you have a little touch of the flu each day. You walk a little slower, react a little slower, feel a little sluggish, ache a little bit here and there.

The recent oral forms of chemotherapy have many advantages. You can take it in the convenience of your home rather than visiting the hospital once-a-week for the IV. The side effects are generally less than many IV treatments.

But...the IV treatments always have an end. The oral chemotherapy never stops. Once you're on this type of chemotherapy you're on it for good, or until it stops working.

I'm learning to deal with it. The exercising is off to a slow, but steady start, and it helps continue to build my energy. But occasionally the chemo will call for a timeout, a nap, and the chemo can be very convincing.

We've controlled any blistering and soreness that often breaks out in the hands and feet. The feet get covered in Aquaphor every morning and that seems to do the trick.

And with enough of the right medications each day and the right foods, the digestive track is generally staying calm and reacting in a more expected manner.

The chemo definitely lets loose the little killers inside.

I wonder what they're attacking right now?

Enjoying Doing More

Freckles is lying on his back swatting at a toy mouse on a string when suddenly he jumps to his feet in one move and takes off running through the kitchen, sliding around a turn into the studio, and eventually through the dining room and into the front office.

What would people think of me if I just suddenly jumped to my feet and started running? lol

Freckles' back is covered with clumped hair that exactly resembles lucky rabbits' feet. They've just started to fall now. He'll be in for a few more weeks of this odd annual shedding. The clumps make him so uncomfortable but you don't dare try to help him out and pull one or two off - he'll turn on 'ya.

The bright red and orange leaves are falling faster from the old grand Oak tree. The tree itself, if you laid it on its side, would be as large as our entire backyard. It will fill our yard in a sea of leaves.

After 8-weeks of no measurable rainfall we're now getting a good soaking. The rain has been steady through yesterday and continues this morning, and will continue through the weekend. The temperatures are ranging from the 40s to the 60s, keeping conditions fairly raw.

Barb and I are going to pop across the river this morning for breakfast at John Wright, in Wrightsville. We'll be meeting Barb's mother, sister, and daughter. I feel like I'm breaking into a secret meeting of the matriarchs - heeheehee. We'll enjoy a nice start to a rainy Friday, and I'll return full from breakfast ham and home fries.

Barb has almost finished painting the second bathroom, and really only has touch-ups to go. We need to get back out shopping so I can install a ceiling light and repair another. But the furniture will be going in soon. And the soap and shampoo can't be far behind.

If I can find where I left my tile nippers (I'm still organizing the basement) I can start the tiling in the master bathroom today. I just have one small area around the tub left and then that room is finished.

Everyday I try to keep pushing myself more and more. I know when to back off. But keeping busy even in the smallest of ways seems to help build more and more energy day-by-day.