Be Afraid Young Man

There is one place that scares me more than I think just about any other place - the grocery store on a Saturday mid-morning.

The morning of Christmas Eve we stopped by a grocery store in Mt. Joy to pick-up a vegetable tray and it was a zoo. You know you're in trouble when the parking lot is full and half a dozen cars roam the lot looking for anyone who is about to leave.

Now, here the morning before New Year's Day, we have planned a trip to the butcher and the grocery store.

It's going to be crazy.

Everyone's out for last-minute this-or-thats. Everyone's picking up New Year's Eve and New Year's Day supplies.

It's going to be scary.

But I have to work up the courage, have to be brave. We've got to go. We have no food. lol

Plus, I can't start the New Year off without pork and sauerkraut. It just wouldn't feel right going through the first day of the year without the potpourri of sauerkraut filling the house.

We have to go.

It's going to be nuts.

I know. I know. It may seem a little strange. And this is all written a bit tongue in cheek. But there are just those who are built for this kind of stuff, and those of us who just aren't. You can count me in the "aren't" column.

Wish me luck!!!

No News is Good News

I've started to get into a bit of a rhythm about things, a routine that seems to keep me at my best.

There's nothing very exciting about it. But boring is good for me. And no news is good news.

I've always kind of liked boring, as strange as that may sound. I much prefer stirring up my own excitement rather than be randomly bombarded by it. I guess I feel better being in some control.

I've always been a very mellow, quiet guy too. I'm just not interested in a lot of drama. I really have trouble understanding folks who have a short-temper, or like to fight and argue. Boring is good. No news is good news. Just keep it nice and smooth.

And keeping a nice, quiet, predictable routine is working for me.

I still have to build fitness and strength, and that will continue for sometime. The impact of radiation really threw me on my behind for a few months. And that lethargy really weakened me overall. My soccer coach in high school always said that it takes months of regular exercise to be in good shape, and only days without exercise to lose it.

I'm devoted to the routine of the daily exercises and I can already tell the difference they've made. Hopefully by early Spring I'll be back on the Trek bike, and once again become a regular site speeding through the streets of Marietta again.

I've learned to manage the side effects of the chemotherapy as good as I think I can. I can overcome the fatique simply by staying busy and staying active, however simple the activity may be. Of course there are days when the fatique just demands a nap. But I am getting a better handle on it by building daily schedules for myself.

The right combinations of medicines and menu have chased the severe digestive issues away. Again it takes sticking to routines and predictable habits to keep things routine and predictable for me, and my body.

It's not exciting. But I'll take the boring. I'll take the routine. A day where I can control my schedule is a successful happy day for my body, and another step toward continuing to get stronger.

Deep Questions

Over the past two-years our garbage men have mercilessly beat our garbage cans to a pulp. I try to make it easy on them. Everything's bagged in three large garbage bags, all are securely sealed. And it could be as easy as picking up a bag, then another, and another, without even lifting a garbage can.

But pick-up the garbage cans they do. And they beat them against the truck, throw them around to various locales. And I know it sounds silly, but from the look of these garbage cans, I'd say they may just be jumping up and down on them for fun too.

Jeesh.

I tried to save my garbage cans by only take large bags out for pick-up. But then one night a few local critters smelled something they liked in one bag and shred it open and spread it about the place. It was quite a clean-up for me the next morning. But I was half expecting it. We are a regular stop on a pair of Marietta skunks nomadic trail. So I quickly went back to setting out the garbage cans so the garbage men can start meticulously destroying them again.

The past summer has been especially rough on the poor garbage cans and it's obviously become time for some new ones. The handle has broken off one. Cracked holes have formed along the bodies of the cans. The cracked holes almost seem the perfect size of a boot.

Well I got the "boss" on board with the concept of purchasing new garbage cans, and she confirmed that the expenditure could be drawn from the January budget. We both agreed and planned a trip out soon to make the purchase.

I could tell Barb still had a thought stuck in her head though. Then suddenly she said, "How do you throw away an old trash can?"

Hmmmmm. I thought about it for a bit, and said, "I don't know."

If we just set the worn trash cans out would the garbage men take them with? Probably not, they're in the business of taking what's in trash cans, not the trash cans themselves.

If I wrote the garbage man a little note, like - "Please take this trash can with you. It is now trash after you've banged it, bumped it, kicked it and thrown it around for two years." It would have to be a big note, maybe with some pictures and a "LOOK HERE GARBAGE MAN" headline on it. Not too sure they would read it, or take the old trash cans.

It's almost like a George Carlin dilemna, one of those odd little juxtapositions in life, that makes you think and makes you laugh.

Maybe if I beat the old cans up even more, take a hedge trimmer to them, break them down into unusable pieces it will look enough like trash to be hauled away as trash.

But add that one to the ever-growing list of deep questions: "How do you throw away a garbage can?"

My Holiday Blessings

Christmas has been the best this year,
I haven't had to shed a tear.
Things had been difficult,
but not to worry,
life is not to be rushed or hurried.

I had the best time with family in their homes,
for in the recent past tears had shown.
But all is much better now,
and we all made this year through some how.

I have prayed and pondered on what is to be,
but most of my prayers are meant for someone very special to me.
I feel as though my prayers have been answered in many ways,
in the passing of 365 days.

I have been blessed with my continued husbands health,
for in this world it's not all about wealth.
In all of this my daughters wedding was wonderful,
and I need not boast,
I shed tears at the hearing of the toast.

I am grateful for so much in life,
too many to name,
but those involved remain the same.
I thank those of you that truly care,
for I feel I have alot to share.

Christmas Notes

Well Santa did stop here and there is not a lump of coal in sight. I don't know how good we were this past year. But I must have been at least a gas leaf blower kind of good. lol Thanks Alyssa and Charlie.

Sunday morning we got together with my family. It was a miserable cold, rainy, foggy day outside, but warm inside up on the hill. My niece Heather provided entertainment for all. It was great to have everyone together. We get only so many opportunities to all be in the same room.

And Monday evening we got together with Barb's family. Another little one stole the show as Barb's nephew Ellis bounced continuously through the living room, doing complete laps through the dining room to the kitchen and back to the living room again. Again it was great to see everyone together.

Tuesday I woke up at my normal 5 a.m. But Barb slept into almost 7 a.m. That's crazy! Doesn't she know there are presents down here that need opening! lol

During our first Christmas together, I tried to pick-out some clothing and shoes and stuff that I thought she would like. I just wanted a test run first and showed her some catalogs with my ideas. She carefully looked over what I had picked out and then politely said, "These are kind of lesbian clothes."

LOL Not what I was expecting.

I think I'm coming along now though. You really just have to pay attention. And I'm zoning in on Barb's Victorian Gypsy kind of style. I actually picked out two pairs of earrings that seem to be on target. Scary. Who would think I'd be able to pull that off?

We enjoyed not having to travel on Christmas Day. And enjoyed waking up with hot coffee and tea and some banana muffins and each other. We took turns exchanging gifts and listened to Christmas music amongst our decorations and lights.

Thanks to everyone across both families for such continued kindness and generosity. And thanks to all for such a Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas

Yep. That's right. I said "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays." I just don't understand a benefit of taking the Christ out of Christmas.

Is political correctness smashing everything into a soft, lifeless, mush.

It's all gotten a little silly. It's fine to wish someone "Happy Hanukkah" or "Happy Kwanzaa." But don't wish someone "Merry Christmas."

I'm interested in other religions, beliefs, cultures, backgrounds. It gives me broader understandings. And, if anything, only serves to strengthen my own beliefs.

Why can't we celebrate diversity and celebrate differences? Why can't we enjoy each of our cultures and backgrounds?

A few years ago a Jewish family in Lebanon County threatened to sue a school district over a Christmas concert that included Christian-based Christmas songs. The school district, with no time to change the material for the concert, chose to simply cancel the concert under the threat of legal action.

Why work to destroy rather than build? Why work to subdue music and celebration? Wouldn't it have been more productive to organize a concert featuring Jewish music for Hanukkah?

I think I'd enjoy seeing a Christmas Concert, a Hanukkah Celebration, and a Kwanzaa Festival.

When it comes to our diversity, I'd rather live to enjoy it, immerse myself in it, rather than try to squash it into one giant, lifeless paste.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Ready for Christmas

I'm probably looking forward to this Christmas more than any other since I was a kid.

When I was working I was always so busy. Christmas just seemed to get in the way of my busiest business times of the year. I hate to say it. It sounds terrible. But it's true.

I've always worked long hours all of my life, too long.

Once I worked somewhere over 50 days consecutively, including Sundays, and I worked 12 to 14-hours a day. Hundreds of color corrections, masks and silhouettes, stripping photos of models into photos of landscapes, I needed to make an impossible deadline, and I did. Then I collapsed.

For newspapers I've worked every time of the day or night, any day of the week, to cover events, meetings, you name it.

I've always taken my work home, tweaked and edited and re-did things until I felt I could be proud of presenting a design, illustration, or photograph. I was my own toughest critic. But at the same time was always very interested in my craft, and continually improving and keeping up with ever-changing technology.

And when I finally started my own business I was a one-man show, so it was record-keeping and customer service and sales and fulfillment and well, you get the picture.

Although I find great virtue in those who are passionate about their work and put in endless hours (and there are a lot of us) - I think we work too hard.

Looking back, yes hard work offered me positive life experiences that helped me learn and helped me build certain characteristics. Yes, hard work helped make me successful and offer me a home, a family, a meal, a chair to sit-in.

But it also led to me thinking that Christmas was more of a nuisance than anything else. And that's not good.

Now that I'm "retired" I have the time to see Christmas a little more like I did when I was a kid. The magic, the warmth, the giving, the sharing - I'm moving slow enough that I can soak-in the meaning of the season. My uncle always said, "You can see more in a canoe then you can a speed boat."

We work harder, and longer hours, than just about any country in the world, perhaps with the exception of a few asian countries.

There are rewards in hard work. But it is important to have balance.

This Christmas, don't forget to take the canoe, rather than the speed boat, soak-in all the blessings around you, enjoy the comfort offered through your friends and family.

Work will be there waiting for you.

Super Pimple

Alright, really, I never actually thought I'd ever be writing about a pimple.

But, then I'm not really writing about any run-of-the-mill pimple here. I'm writing about a super pimple.

Yes, cancer does have a sense of humor. Up is down. Left is right. Suddenly you're experiencing things completely foreign and new to you.

During my radiation treatments the regular balances and normal reactions within my body changed. Things that used to do one thing now did something else, or even nothing at all.

One unique event was the appearance of "super pimples." These beasts showed up almost exclusively along the radiation treatment line - the distinct line that separated treatment areas from non-treatment areas.

I've never had anything like them.

Now, they're gone, they've cleared up.

Well...there is just one, behind my ear. It's been there since July - really, since July! It feels like cartilage, firm, stationary. I began to question whether it was a pimple at all.

It was. It cleared up yesterday.

Cancer does have a sense of humor - a pimple that lasts six-months, a super pimple.

A Christmas Carol

Well, I finally got to watch what I consider to be my all time favorite Christmas move which is A Christmas Carol in the old black and white version. Thanks to Jim "caving" on another early gift. To me that movie has always had alot of meaning, I remember having a deep appreciation for that movie.

When it comes to some of the holiday programming, I have found that this movie at least on the cable network that we have, it is hard to find on television. I have found that the newer versions of this movie, aren't nearly as good as the older ones. I am a true sap when it comes to this movie among other types of programs and anyone who knows me well enough, knows that to be very true.

Thank you Jim for making the Christmas season special as always, and "caving" like you tend to do.

A Fortunate One

No matter what my problems may be, it's easy to still feel fortunate. I have an incredible wife, family, and friends. I have the old, historic house I've always dreamed of. I have heat in the cold of winter. I have a lot to feel very fortunate about. The list goes on and on and on.

It only takes a trip out of the house to realize how many in this world struggle to get by, even in our ideallic heart of Amish country.

Yesterday we hit the butcher shop and the grocery store for our two-week supply of food. When we went into the grocery store I saw what looked like a homeless couple. I watched as they manned two motorized carts that the store provides for handicapped people.

Their clothing was a collage of mixed rags, dirty layered clothes. I can't imagine they've had a shower or bath in days, or weeks. They looked very, very rough.

As we went through the store we'd run into them again and again. As we finished and reached the checkout, they passed close to us.

I noticed that they did not look like they really needed the motorized carts. They looked tired. But they did not look handicapped. Then I noticed that in the hour that they had been scooting around the store they had not picked out one item.

Then it hit me. They needed to stay warm. They probably had done this before. It was 22-degrees yesterday morning, bitter cold. Not only did the grocery store offer warmth, but they had the neat motorized carts so they didn't have to be on their feet the whole time. They could stay in the store until someone noticed and complained. And then depending on the interaction of management they could decide whether or not to buy a pack of gum and be on their way to the next warm store.

No matter what malody you may personally be experiencing. There is still someone suffering worse. As I've said many times before, I may have cancer, but there are small children dealing with cancer too. In the big picture I'm a fortunate guy.

Protein

We love our butcher.

I know it's not normal to feel such an affection for a business. But we do. We love our butcher. And it's that time again, we're heading out into the cold this morning to visit Groff's in Elizabethtown.

If you know Groff's, and some of you do, you already know what I'm talking about. If you haven't experienced Groff's, you might think that I'm a little crazy. But if you do visit Groff's I know you'll end up just in love with the place as we are.

Every time I've talked to a doctor over the past few months about diet they've constantly insisted that I make sure to get enough protein. With Groff's just one town away, that hasn't been a problem.

One thing that I've found very, very interesting through the past few months is that the combination of cancer, chemo, and radiation, has made by body only appreciate fresh, quality, healthy foods. It will reject anything else.

I used to drink way too much soda. I can't stand soda anymore. My snack weakness for the past 20-years has been Doritos. Jeesh, I think somedays I could finish an entire bag at one sitting. Not anymore, Doritos, chips, snacks of almost any kind, my body now hates. Try to eat some prepared microwave quickies? Nope, my body rejects that fast. Pizza? Burgers? Burritos? No way.

Now my body will only accept fresh ingredients, made simply and made well. Now my body will only accept foods and meals that I should have been eating all along. Overall, I'd say that I'm eating the healthiest in my life right now, because my body is insisting on it.

For example, Sunday I made blackened tuna steaks, with hashbrown potatoes and snap peas. Monday Barb slow roasted a piece of sirloin with red potatoes, carrots, onions and fresh bread. It's perfect stuff. My body agrees with it. And it's healthy, and at healthy portions.

Saturday though, we agreed to just order a pizza (I had a craving). My body punished me for it. Sometimes I never learn. I'm like the monkey who gets shocked when he reaches for the peanut.

My cousin first introduced me to Groff's when he was attending Elizabethtown College. It started innocently, with some homemade beef jerky. Then it moved into smoked beef sticks. Then it cascaded from there into everything else - the freshest, best meats of every variety, and smoked meats that are beyond description.

I do not know where the grocery stores get their fresh ingredients, specifically meat and vegetables. But they taste like styrafoam. It's terrible.

Once at Groff's they ran out of ground beef and they said, "No problem we'll grind some more." And out came a round roast, freshly ground through an old hand grinder, about 10-pounds worth at a time. Something as simple as ground beef, you would not think there could be that much difference from the grocery store. It's night and day, not even close. The grocery store ships in hundreds of pounds of pre-packaged, frozen ground beef from Lord knows where. It's fatty, greasy, and tasteless. Groff's is bright red, fresh ground beef that cooks clean leaving no fat or grease at all - NONE. It's spectacular.

I am a regular at Groff's, a loyal customer. They all know me. We share small talk. They allow me to order ahead by phone if I like. But I don't. Being a cook, I like the interaction at the shop. I can examine cuts of meat. I can ask for special cuts. Last visit I asked them to stuff a couple pork chops, and butterfly a couple filets. It's no problem. It's what they expect. It's part of the business of a real butcher shop. Try asking for a special cut at the grocery store. LOL Try finding someone to help you at the grocery store. I swear the 18-year-olds at the deli are having a contest to see who can find the best hiding spot.

Last visit to Groff's I asked one of the owners how long they've been in business. She turned around and pointed to a sign that said something like "Since 1886." I'm not sure if I know another business that has been in operation that long. SINCE 1886??? Wow!

And especially a local butcher shop, in this day and age when all the local butchers and bakers and candlestick makers have been run out of town by the huge grocery stores, Groff's is very unique.

One block off the square in Elizabethtown they occupy a space that they've occupied for years. As the landscape of the real estate changes around them they remain simply the same. And they still maintain the same smokehouse right there on the premises that they've used for years and years and years. If you arrive at the right time you'll see a new truckload of pigs being delivered.

Two sisters and two brothers, all of the same original Groff family that started the business around 1886, run the business today. All are beginning to approach retirement age. And none of the sisters or brothers has had any children, threatening the continuation of the Groff's name and the business.

I told the one owner, upon finding out that there were no Groff's offspring, "You better get busy!" I got quite a face in return.

It would be sad to see such a business end, especially because of the family lineage ending, especially after surviving amongst the giant food corporations while so many others haven't.

Tonight it's chicken cordon bleu, made fresh at Groff's. It can't get easier. Groff's has done all the work and we just bake it in the oven.

No pizza around here, no burgers, no microwave food, no Doritos - cancer is demanding healthy eating, fresh ingredients, made simply and well. That's no problem - we've got Groff's.

Now we just need a Groff's of the fruit and vegetable world.

Whoa! Too much blogging, I've got to get out in the cold and get to my butcher!

Cardboard, Grout, Door Stops, and Getting Stronger

I hope everyone is waking up with electricity this morning. Apparently high winds overnight took down a few trees, and a few wires.

It's cold, and it's windy this morning in Marietta, as the last of the storm moves through Central Pennsylvania.

I really do think we should consider hibernation here in the northeast. When it gets near freezing and below, it's hard to get motivated to get up, get moving, and get out in the elements.

The five a.m. wake-up each day is much, much easier the rest of the year.

I'm going to stay busy with menial tasks around the house today. It helps me fight the fatique, and it gets be back, slowly, bit by bit, to more productivity in general.

Today I, again, have to dig myself out of being swamped by cardboard, piling up a little faster right now because of our work with Santa. I've vowed to stay on top of it.

I set some tumbled marble tile in the master bath on Saturday, and I'll look to grout that tile today.

I need to install a couple door stops. I hope to tinker with some antique hardware meant for our master bedroom main door.

It's another episode of This Old House here today (now if I could only get Norm to stop over and help out).

Not A Snow In, Just A Rain Out

As unpleasant as the weather is today, it is better than being stuck in the snow. As a child, I would love to go sledding and build snowmen and such, but when you get a little older, it's more than a pain in the butt!!!

As I find myself recently checking into E-Bay the first time in my life and doing a little selling. Jim had an Archie Manning football card, that we decided to test the waters with, it actually sold. I guess I was somewhat surprised, because it took up until nearing the end of the ten day run until any bidding began. I guess we will continue to try it occasionally


Have a wonderful Sunday!!!

Making it Last

Yes, it's true, I have been giving out Christmas gifts early. I just can't be patient and wait. The doctors say there is a kid inside me, and if they try to remove it I'll die.

Actually, I think I'm just trying to spread Christmas out across the entire month. I'm trying to make it last.

My sister is infamous for her enthusiasm. Typically when the gift giving starts she tears into it, opening gifts, distributing gifts, and it's suddenly over in five minutes. And I still have a bunch of gifts on my lap and at my feet because I was just watching other people, enjoying watching, soaking it in.

So I've been giving Barb a gift here, a gift there. It's to the point where she just starts laughing at my childlike enthusiasm for it. She tells me to be careful, and save something for Christmas Day.

We're heading out to watch Barb's niece play basketball this afternoon, before the winter storm moves in tonight.

I won't be giving any gifts today. I don't think so. Maybe. Well probably not.

Keeping My Schedule

I've developed a little schedule for myself over the past few weeks, which seems to be working, so I'm trying to stick with it.

I wake up every morning at 4:50 a.m. Freckles escorts me down the stairs and to the kitchen, where I take my first dose of Nexavar for the day. I hit the la-z-boy for about an hour and soak in the local news.

Then at 6 a.m. I follow with more medications that help control the side effects of the Nexavar, and I spend a little time on the laptop, maybe blogging a little.

Sometime before 7 a.m. I make breakfast. I eat more for breakfast now then I have in many years. This past week it's primarily been a couple slices of banana bread and a breakfast sandwich of some type.

Sometime after breakfast is digested I start exercising for about 30 minutes. I keep getting stronger but the exercises are modest, some deep knee bends, sit-ups and push-ups, and some work with some hand weights.

Then it's off to the shower. And afterwords I take care of any outstanding business for the day.

My most energetic time is always between 5 a.m. and 11 a.m., so I try to wrap up all of the "must-do" things before lunch. After I digest some lunch I look for ways to keep busy. If I become to idle in the afternoon I become overwhelmed with fatique and then some days concede to a nap.

I was explaining to my Mom yesterday, who stopped in for a visit, my delicate schedule and how I try to keep it so the important things (like exercise) do not go undone.

She said, "Jeeesh, you're just like an old woman."

LOL

And it's not like I hadn't thought that before. Well actually I thought that I was like an old man.

But that's the way it is. When you're working the chemo and the cancer there is no such thing as normal life anymore. Up is down. Left is right. I've always listened to what my body tells me. But I can't do that anymore.

When the fatique hits, I'm not supposed to take a nap. I'm supposed to fight it, get busy, figure out a way to stay awake. That's from the people at Bayer who make Nexavar. Many people on Nexavar give into the fatique and then suffer other malodies related to being so lethargic.

And this fatique is not a matter of just feeling a little sleepy, it's fatique like the kind of fatique that makes an infant fall asleep in their oatmeal.

If I don't feel hungry, tough luck, I've got to eat. Nothing is as simple as just listening to what my body tells me I need.

Well I do appreciate my Mom stopping in for a visit yesterday. If I can get myself as active and motivated as she I'll have accomplished a lot!

And thanks Mom for bringing the chicken patties from Groff's! They've been making great lunches.

A Difference in Generations

Once when I was headed for my kidney specialist I shared an elevator with a talkative, older, retired gentleman.

He darted from subject to subject, interdispersing his storytelling with wit and questions to me, that I wasn't really meant to answer. He was a piece of work. I love guys like that. You just know everywhere he goes he's talking. It doesn't matter whether he knows you or not. Well, it doesn't matter whether you want to talk or not.

The elevator opened and with a nod I walked out and immediately realized that this was not my floor. I got off too early.

No biggie. I live for those stupid moments. I turned around and quickly got back in the elevator, smiling.

"Don't worry about it," the older man said to me, laughing. "I've done that a bunch of times."

This time on the right floor, I stepped out of the elevator and took a right, moving toward my doctor's office. As I reached the door, I peaked over my shoulder and noticed that the man from the elevator was visiting the same doctor's office.

I held the door for him, and he exchanged the courtesy of letting me register first.

As I registered, the receptionist collected my co-pay of $25, and ushered me to the waiting area.

I found an old magazine to read, but before I knew it the man from the elevator was sitting right next to me.

"Did I hear her say that you have a $25 co-pay?" the man asked me.

"Yes," I replied.

"Maaaaannnnnnn," he said, "it just keeps getting worse and worse. What else do you have to pay for? You know my insurance has always covered everything, all my life. That's just the way it used to be."

A nurse opened a door and stated loudly, "Jim Albert."

What a Way to Start a Day

With a storm system moving just north of us this morning, the sunrise came in a spectacular red. A red hue flushed over everything on the ground, while the sun peaking through high sparse clouds dashed highlights over the edges of everything.

Spectacular. I just stood at the back of the house and soaked it in for a good 15 minutes, until Freckles had enough and demanded fresh food and water.

What a blessing, what a gift, what a great way it is to start a day. The unexpected magic of a new day makes it alone worthwhile to get up and dive right into it.

Terrific News

I just received good news from my daughter, the test that she has to take for part of her licensing, she received a 99% on. She has to take a written test on January 5th, so everything seems to be falling into place. So of course I am very proud of her.



You see it happen every day,
so many things change in so many ways.
You take all the steps to succeed in life,
sometimes involving pain and strife.

Everything ends up being worthwhile,
and all it usually takes is a nice, big smile.
Enjoy each day as you can,
and you soon shall see as to when,
the rewards of life can be numerous,
because life should be full of exuberance.

*just a poetic moment*

First Hand Experience

We decided to stay in the warmth of the house yesterday and watch Michael Moore's latest movie "Sicko."

Yes, Moore tends to sensationalize things a bit at times. But, quite frankly, I was surprised how straight he played things in this movie. If I didn't have my own unique personal experiences, I may wonder if he only chose the stories to assemble that supported his point. Moore's point is that the U.S. is failing its citizens in the area of healthcare, and that universal healthcare is the answer.

Because of my unique personal experiences though, I know that the current system is a failure. I know that many of this movies' proclamations are absolutely true.

And, quite frankly, it's embarassing to me.

We decided as a society to provide some things to everyone, schools, libraries, museums, an opportunity to learn. Why would we not decide to provide everyone with healthcare. It's inhuman. It's downright cold and mean. And it's not a good reflection of who I know we really are.

When my cancer spread earlier this year I was overwhelmed with kindness that poured in from everywhere. I know, from personal experience, how kind and giving we are.

So why would we stand by and allow our system to leave 50-million people with no insurance, no access to healthcare? Why would we allow our system to deny care to those who truly need it?

Who we really are, kind, generous, giving people, is not being truly reflected by our system in place.

We hold our structure of capitalism dear. But capitalism and democracy are not the same things. And in matters of healthcare, capitalism has superceded democracy, because as a whole I truly believe that we do want to take care of our own, we do want our sick looked after.

When you really think about it, the idea of driving healthcare decisions based solely on profit margins is really inhumane. In our country, the insurance companies must create profits for stockholders by denying sick people coverage.

And that is exactly how it goes. My insurance company has fought to deny me doctor prescribed treatments and drugs consistently. I've had necessary treatments and drugs delayed and denied by my insurance company. It is in my insurance company's best interest that I die, because until I do I'm a cost burden on the books.

My biggest worry about having cancer is that I will not be able to receive a treatment or drug that I need. You are always on edge. I've talked to quite a few cancer patients, and it's not the experience of all, but it is the experience of many.

We are told that "socialized" medicine is a nightmare in Canada and England and France. I do not truly know what healthcare is like in those countries. But I do know this, they do not worry about whether they'll be able to receive care if they get sick. They have that peace of mind.

And personally, whether I had this cancer to deal with or not, I just do not feel good being a part of our current system, to allow it to continue.

I think that there is a sick person out there right now who is fighting his or her insurance company so they can receive necessary treatments, and much too often not receiving those treatments. It makes me sick.

I think that there is someone's ambulance ride that will bankrupt them because they did not get the ambulance ride "pre-approved" by their insurance company. It makes me sick.

I know politicians on both sides of the fence will tell you that privatized healthcare is the best and only choice. But they are being given donations as high as one million dollars from the insurance lobby. What do you think they're going to say?

I know our own Rick Santorum accepted over $900,000 from the insurance lobby. Too bad Santorum is no longer in office. I'll miss 'ya Rick.

Sorry for jumping up on my "pulpit" this morning.

But I see what we've become and it's not truly who we are. It's not ok with me to just let sick people die, whether that person be me, a loved one, or a total stranger. It's not how I was raised. It does not reflect what I've learned spiritually. It's not the manner of my family or friends.

It's not something I'm comfortable being a part of. Are you?

It's All a Matter of Perspective

When I was a kid I loved to play basketball. I played every day, all year. I played through wind, rain and snow. I played indoors if I had to.

I learned that my all-time favorite basketball player, Pete Maravich, carried a basketball with him everywhere he went when he was growing up. If his Mom sent him to the store for a loaf of bread he dribbled the basketball to the store and back. Maravich said he slept with the basketball.

My basketball was never far. My Mom concluded that my "filthy basketball" probably shouldn't sleep with me. But I always knew where that ball was.

Through a year I'd use the basketball so much I'd wear it out. A seam would begin to split and a bubble would begin to form from the inside bladder starting to sneak through the crack. Santa always seemed to know though, and a new basketball would be under the tree every December 25th.

Once Santa brought me an old ABA style red, white and blue ball. It was the coolest ever.

As long as it wasn't raining too hard, or wasn't too cold, or too windy, I'd spend a couple of hours (at least) each day playing ball. If the elements were too severe then I'd play inside, even if that meant a rolled-up sock and my clothes hamper.

I'd play out entire games, entire seasons, envisioning the interaction of other players and game situations.

Once it snowed a couple of inches overnight but cleared off the next day. I concluded that I could shovel my court and still get some basketball in today.

I shoveled the court meticulously, clearing the snow from the playing area. Now mind you, I didn't shovel the front walk, or the back porch, or any part of the functional driveway. But I did shovel my basketball court.

It was cold enough to wear one glove on the left hand but I kept the right hand bare to be able to feel the basketball roll off my fingers when I shot. When the ball flew off the shoveled court it would roll through snow and become an instant giant snow ball. I saved one corner of the shoveled court to knock the snow off the ball.

Now I noticed while I started playing that a few men had come out of the clubhouse and begun playing hole number 1 on the golf course. We lived on a hill right next to the course, and from our vantage point could see at least 50-percent of the course.

After a few hundred shots, my Dad came out with some trash. I said to him, "Hey Dad, look at these crazy people playing golf today."

He stopped for a moment and looked out at the golf course. He looked at me and said, "Well what do you think they're saying about you."

Strong Week Overall

Looking back over the past week I have to be pretty happy overall. I've eaten strong all week, the digestive system has generally stayed under control, the energy was a little stronger, and I've exercised everyday.

Of course there is always this little strange this or peculiar that each week. But I've stayed after the big three that have been so consistent - eating, digesting and fatique.

Plus the Christmas tree went up this week, and is lighting up the front windows, surrounded by wrapped gifts. It really sparks more interest in the season, and invites Christmas in. Our timing was perfect. We got the tree up just before the snow started to arrive.

Looking forward to the upcoming week, the snow will have to melt if we're to stand any chance of making the borough's last planned leaf collection. We probably have a good 20 giant bags worth to collect yet. The weather forecast is calling for warmer temps (in the 40s), but it's also calling for rain, snow or ice every day through Wednesday (which is collection day).

I'm going to keep eating, keep up with the medicines, and keep exercising, and hopefully we can pull two strong weeks together back-to-back.

Cold, Rain and Snow

To all our Florida friends . . .

The weather guys and gals got all excited last week and predicted a couple inches of snow that never came. So with the next storm system they predicted a dusting and we ended up with about 3-inches in Marietta.

OK. It's a tough job, predicting Mother Nature.

But what a good job to have! If you mess up it's the fault of powers much greater than you.

I guess we can all find something else to blame, powers much greater than are own, for almost everything or anything in life.

But everything seems to be imperfect by design for a reason. Maybe overcoming the challenges of such a diverse nature all around us is more the challenge to live up to, rather than to run away from.

When You Know It's Right

Jim and I were having a chat last evening while we were just hanging around. We discussed the past year and the trials and tribulations that we have been through. I explained to him that you know things are so very right between two people, that you would do anything for them. It matters when you end up knowing that you are with the right person, it may take some time to get there, but for most I would think that it usually happens.

It's about realizing that the person that you are with would do anything for you (and vice-versa)that they are possibly capable of and you can open your heart to that person, along with other things that make the two of you complete. Our relationship as husband and wife are what dreams are made of, it always takes alot of work, but we have both finally made it there.

The Christmas Ladder

Every year I think everyone is absolutely nuts in this town for putting out all the Christmas decorations during Thanksgiving weekend.

Then the annual Candlelight Tour of Homes takes place on the first Saturday of December and I remember why everyone decorates so early. Oops. Well our electric candles were in all the windows at least.

The annual tour of homes is a pretty neat event, since we have some pretty neat homes in this little river town. I remember when we first showed Alyssa our future home town and she said, "This looks like a movie set, like it's right out of some old movie."

There are a few old mansions and grand homes around town, two of the grandest were built by the man who built the Hershey Theater. Barb used to serve on the board of the organization that sponsors the tour, and I handled their web site, before the cancer spread earlier this past year. Who knows? Maybe someday again we'll get back involved, if they'll have us.

We caught up with the rest of Marietta yesterday by getting out for our tree and putting up our holiday decor. We don't go overboard. It's understated compared to most.

We drove north up the river a couple miles to pick out a Douglas Fir. It was bitter cold and extremely windy. Barb picked out pointsettas in the greenhouse as newborn kittens followed her every step. We did not come home with a kitten. I pretended to help the gentleman cutting and bagging our tree. And as soon as we had it in the back of the FJ Cruiser we both sped back into the greenhouse.

Back in Marietta I threw the bagged tree through the front door so I wouldn't drag needles through the house. The tree snapped into place quickly in the stand and in record time was standing proudly before our front windows.

The first string of lights was bundled neatly and layered on the tree neatly without a knot or twist in the lights at all. This was going WAY too smoothly.

I plugged the second string into the first string already on the tree. Only half the lights on the second string lit.

I analyzed the second string for a few moments, pulled bulbs from places and put them in other places, twisted that, pulled this, pretended I knew what I was doing, and then announced that these lights were garbage.

I knew it was going too smooth.

We decided to take off for the CVS in Mt. Joy and Barb ran in for more lights (and came out with a surprise box of chocolates for me...lol).

Back home we were quickly back in business. From there on out it was surprisingly smooth.

I did, once again, string lights on the "Christmas ladder." The what?!?!?

Years ago, I visited an acquaintance who was just out of school, making little money, and trying to find his way. Rather than killing a tree he really couldn't afford, he made the decision to have a "Christmas Ladder" instead of a tree. It was a six-foot step ladder, and when set-up and strung with lights looked pretty much, kind of, sort of, like a tree.

I thought it was brilliant.

When my grandfather passed away I inherited his step ladder. Ever since then I've always had a "Christmas Ladder," strung with lights, decorated with ornaments, and surrounded with gifts. It has always been both a sentiment to my grandfather and an honoring of what I felt was a genius original design concept.

My first Christmas with Barb and Alyssa, I explained the history and interest of the "Christmas Ladder." Since Alyssa made faces like she was working on the world's largest sour ball, I pushed the story further and explained to her the historical significance of the "Christmas Ladder" to my family and how it was passed down through generations (hee hee hee).

Alyssa asked if we were going to get a tree. "Why would we need a tree?" I asked her. "We have the Christmas Ladder."

Well Alyssa was convinced I was out of my mind. She discussed it with Mom, and with Grandma. I was approached with concerns that I may be involved in some type of new culture that decorated ladders during holidays.

I had to give in with my small prank. Of course we were going to get a tree. I always do. And we went out and got a great tree, and decorated it, and had a great first Christmas together.

We decorated the "Christmas Ladder" too. We woke Alyssa up early one morning for something "really important." Then sleepy eyed she stood before the ladder as we asked her to plug in the cord for the ceremonial first lighting of the "Christmas Ladder."

She plugged them in, gave out a tired laugh, and went back to bed.

Pushing Forward

I've been pretty energetic this past week, after a week prior where I almost took a nap each and every afternoon.

The appetite and eating in general has been up this past week too. Don't ask me why. I'm not sure the doctors really understand either when it comes to these new drugs.

We made up some New York strips last night with a sherry mushroom sauce and my stomach took it like a champ. Beef is often not my friend these days. Although I'm still shy about ground beef or sausage, I will try an occasional strip steak or filet.

It could be the steady exercise routine I guess. Last week was the first week that I stuck with the exercises each and every day. And I'll be pushing myself to exercise every day this week as well.

This week will start pretty busy though. We're taking off for my butcher and the grocery store this morning. By the time I have all the groceries unloaded from the FJ Cruiser I'm usually pretty beat. And tomorrow we're going to go grab a Christmas tree and get it set-up and start the Christmas decorating.

But Christmas shopping is way ahead this year. I'm breaking all kinds of personal records this year in being prepared. The fact that my life is simpler now, with most of the daily focus on simple things like nutrition, rest and exercise, has made it possible. I always worked 10 to 12 hour days, six days a week (like too many of us), and keeping up with personal obligations would often be difficult.

We work too hard. There are other significant aspects of life.

Somewhat of a Disappointment....

I went to our local elementary school in hopes to find a craft fair this morning and what I found was more like a home business fair. This was not exactly what I had planned. Some of things were of the typical such as Pampered Chef, Tastefully Simple, etc., but then there were others that just did not strike me as interesting. After all, that was not the reason I had gone there after-all.

This is the time of the year when I personally would think that these types of things would be easy to find, but maybe not. I was actually looking forward to maybe some Christmas gift ideas and possibly decorations. I think I will continue to do something as Jim would call criss-cross (actually cross-stitch) I don't know maybe that will be my money making plan???

I know that this has been a confusing blog, but that is what was on my mind.