Happy Birthday Dad!

I got to talk to my Dad a little yesterday. He's pretty darn lucid about a lot of things. But he still gets a bit confused on details.

Overall he was in good spirits when I spoke with him. He did keep referring to his "new" home, and I could tell he didn't enjoy life in that "new" home. At one point he just said that there is nothing to do.

I tried to remind him of my status, which he does always seem to remember. I reminded him that in some ways he and I are kind of in the same boat. I can't do everything I'd like to do and definitely live with restrictions. I tried to tell him that I wake up everyday and try to focus on the positive. I focus on all that is good, rather than that which is bad. I try to smile and laugh. I asked him to please try to do the same.

He didn't disagree. And I do know how tough it can be.

But during the same conversation he also wanted to ask me something about my son. Of course I don't have a son. But he was sure that he had seen my son frequently at his "new" home as of late.

I don't mind having patience with him, and gently working with him through some of his confusion. He is my Dad, my hero, the man I look up to more than anyone else, afterall. And I can relate to his pains and frustrations of being disabled in such a strong and fast world all around us.

I'm heading for another chemo treatment early tomorrow afternoon. The double dosage of the chemo has definitely caused me more fatique. But everyone, including me, is in agreement that if I need a nap everyday to help beat this cancer down, than that is a small price to pay.

And Freckles is thrilled to take a mid-day nap with me everyday.

My shoulder has been getting better, which is good news. I still have pain when I stretch this way or reach that way. But the pain is not nearly as bad as it used to be. I'm not reaching for the pain pills any longer.

Saturday I started some simple stretching and a little riding on the stationary bike. I'm going to continue that this morning and try to keep it up everyday, with Sundays off.

Alyssa, Charlie, Susan and Bill are all due back from the shore today. Barb and I wish them safe trips, and hope they had a good relaxing time.

Working with the Medicines

My sleeping patterns have become consistent, yet odd. Every night, every single night, I'll get up around midnight and find myself wide awake. I'll sit up for a couple hours before climbing back into bed. Then I fall asleep until about four or five a.m. when I get up and feed Freckles and make a pot of coffee for Barbie.

Barb usually wakes up when she smells the coffee.

I have a good breakfast every morning and try to accomplish as much as possible. I make a list for myself everyday. Virtually around noon everyday I start feeling "melty" and fine myself joining Freckles on the bed for a little power map.

Then I'm up for the rest of the day, through dinner, until it's time to go back to bed and repeat the process again.

I can't remember the last time I actually slept through the night.

It's a combination of the drugs I'm on that is causing it. The steroid I take keeps me awake and gets me up in the middle of the night. The chemo I'm on (especially since the doctor doubled my dosage) makes me very sleepy and fatiqued. The end result of the mixture of these two drugs leads to my odd sleeping patterns.

I've never been a napper. I've never liked naps at all.

I told my oncologist that I'm not fond of the naps I have to take, but Freckles seems thrilled that I'm joining him for a nap everyday. He laughed and told me that if a nap was what I needed then it's probably the best kind of treatment of all.

I'm going to try to get back to some simple exercises again today, being very careful with the sore right shoulder and shoulder blade. I did have an x-ray taken yesterday and should have the results of that back no later than Tuesday when I have to go for my next chemo treatment at the health center.

I always remember my soccer coach in high school telling the team that it takes two-months to get into shape and two-days to get out of shape. I've always found that to be pretty true. Unfortunately the road to strength through August has not included exercising and it's important that I get back to it once again.

I just have to plan out my days with that nap in the middle, with Freckles included of course. It has become our routine.

Fashion

Now anybody who knows me well, knows that I'm probably the last person on Earth who should be writing about fashion.

I typically do not pay much attention to it. I'm not interested in dressing to impress. I want people to pay attention to what is inside of me, and hopefully they'll be impressed by my content and not my packaging.

My Dad was always suit and tie. He is color blind. So, a lot of the time he depended on my Mom to make sure he was picking out colors that went with one another. It was pretty humorous. After his morning shower he'd come out to the breakfast table, model his selection, and ask for my Mom's approval. Most of the time he'd be sent back to change this or that, which he did happily.

My Dad also never changed his style. Disco came and went but my Dad never chased whatever was fashionable at the time. He stayed with tried-and-true business suits and fashion would always come back to him.

My Mom, however, did follow fashion and often took it out on us kids. There was the famous lederhosen I had to wear to nursery school. There were silk scarves that somehow ended up around my neck for a couple class pictures. There was even a yellow leisure suit with a wild silk print shirt that I donned for Easter pictures.

I'm still in counseling for these early fashion events in my life, even though I did kinda' dig the yellow leisure suit.

I'm just all about function when it comes to clothes and not about form at all. I like jeans. I like shorts. I like polo and t-shirts. They're comfortable. They're rugged. They work for me quite well.

Now if I lived near the beach this outfit would fit right in. But living here in South Central Pennsylvania, I'm a little bit out of place. But that's OK with me. If people are going to judge me on what I wear rather than how I conduct myself, or what I have to contribute, well I don't really need those people.

I struggle to understand the suit and tie. If I wear a tie, it's only purpose seems to be a target for me to spill some soup on, or whatever I may be having for lunch. If I wore ties everyday I'd have to take out a personal loan to afford my dry cleaning bills.

I'm convinced that the suit coat was invented by wealthy, chubby, men who wanted something to help them look slimmer. The suit coat does that perfectly.

Once when I worked for a newspaper, a colleague of mine dressed very dapper everyday. I mean very, very dapper. He always wore a suit and a tie, with a formal fedora and trench coat. I finally broke down and asked him why he dressed up so much.

He told me he really appreciated the history of the tie, and how it came into being, and the significance it played.

I looked at him kind of strange I guess. Then I said, "Well...OK...but men used to wear powdered wigs and I don't see you wearing one of those."

He had no reply, which was probably good, because I don't think he was very fond of my comment.

We recently went out to eat, and Barb repeatedly asked me what I was going to wear, for days leading up to the event. I did fine, tan khakis with a button down polo shirt and penny loafers. It made me think back to my Dad seeking approval from my Mom each morning before work. Now here I was, seeking the approval of "management" before I went out for dinner.

Albert's Pharmacy

I try to take as few pills as possible. All medicine has some kind of side effect that comes with it. So I've found that the fewer one can take the better.

But there are pills I can't avoid, and at times they are different. Over the course of three-years I've collected quite a few. I think I may have taken almost every one available on the market. Or at least I must be close.

Of course many of these pills are stopped at some point, sometimes being traded for another. Sometimes I'll end up revisiting a pill that I had taken previously. It's a whirlwind of pharmaceuticals.

In college I lived with a graduate film student from South Korea - Mr. Kim. He was amazed by our medicine in America. We had a pill for this and a pill for that. I just assumed that was the way it was in South Korea. But it wasn't even close.

He explained to me that they had many natural remedies that have been studied over thousands of years. One of the remedies was to drown a snake in a bottle of water and then drink the combination of water, dead snake stuff, and snake urine. He said the snake urine was really what worked to fix health defects.

The strongest medicine of all, Mr. Kim told me, was bear's liver.

I guess it's all the same thing. We just extract the active ingredients and process it into convenient pills.

Frankly I'm much happier taking a pill than digging into a bear's liver.

I have a kitchen drawer and shoe box filled with drugs. Drugs that I do not currently use. The ones I use now are hidden on a shelf in the kitchen that only I can reach.

Why don't I just throw them away? I don't know. They are expensive. And I have had to go back to some of them.

Right now I take at least nine pills a day. Because of my painful shoulder I may need to add as many as seven more to that total depending on how much pain I'm experiencing.

The doc did order an x-ray of my shoulder. I'm going to have that taken care of tomorrow when I have to have bloodwork done as well.

I hope the x-ray reveals something. I mean there's no question that something is going on. Sometimes not knowing what that something is the worst thing of all.

Good Morning

Just as an update, it seems as though Jim's shoulder is kind of back and forth with pain. A call was put in to his doctor yesterday, but we have yet to hear back. If it weren't for that and the pretty much non-stop fatigue, I think he'd be doing pretty well.

I wish we could get away for a couple of days, beach or otherwise, but right now it's just best to stay close to home. Everyone have a good day.

Surf and Turf with a Side of Great Company

A big thank you to Charlie and Alyssa for treating us to a special anniversary dinner last night.

Yes, yes, our anniversary was the first week of this month. Don't feel like you missed something please. Everyday I'm with Barbie is worth celebrating. So it is all good with me no matter what the day, or month might be.

I've had quite a streak of bad restaurant experiences going. But now it has been broken. The restaurant last night was certainly four-stars. Everything from warm bread to dessert was outstanding. Add to that a tableful of great company, and it was a very special evening - one to remember.

On the down side, I am still in considerable pain. Something is wrong in my right shoulder blade and I imagine I should call the doc today and report it so we can get down to figuring it out.

The doc and I discussed the pain on Tuesday but agreed that it was probably muscular and we'd sit it out a little and watch it, hoping it would get better. It had gotten excruciatingly bad, but then did seem to improve. But now it just seems to be staying the same, and it is painful.

I have some pretty powerful pain pills here, leftover from having cancer in my right hip bone. But they even don't seem to address the pain completely. It's really hanging around.

I'm guessing it might be a rotator cuff thing, or possibly a torn or stretched tendon. If not a physical problem than it may be cancer itself showing up in the bone of my shoulder blade. But I don't think it's that (with all my vast medical knowledge LOL) because the pain moves around the right side of my upper back. When I had a tumor in my hip bone the pain came from one spot that I could easily identify.

After the last radiation and chemo treatment I was looking forward to some weeks without doctors. But it looks like I'll have to dive back into some consultations and possibly treatments.

It's not that I don't like seeing my doctors, but, well, you know...

Well at least I'm waking up with bananas foster breath this morning! (smile)

Monday? Already?

Wow! Where did the summer go?

Kids are getting ready to head back to school. Before long the leaves will start changing color, then dropping, flooding our yard.

Thanks to Alyssa and Charlie I have a leaf blower available for this Fall season. I'm going to blow those leaves down to the river!

Still righting the pain in my right shoulder. I can't quite figure it out. It DOES seem to be getting a little better every day. It just doesn't seem muscular to me. I'm thinking maybe it's a stretch out tendon or ligament or something. I don't know.

Between the heating pad, the Aspircream (like Ben Gay without the smell), and the occasional pain pills I'm able to handle the daily events of life without grimacing and groaning too much.

The "kids" are treating us to dinner tonight, to celebrate our wedding anniversary earlier this month. We're heading to a restaurant in East Petersburg that I've never been to before. The place has an excellent reputation. I'm due for a good restaurant experience for a change, and I'm feeling strong that this just may be it.

I'm planning the approprite napping session to ensure I have the highest energy of the day ready for great food.

Hot and Muggy

The weather is like a jungle outside. It is so humid. The clouds are so saturated that they just keep dripping. They can't hold all of the moisture. The air itself is wet.

It's another good excuse to stay in and rest. The past few weeks have been one of the roughest stretches in my journey. Treatment can really be a rollercoaster ride with plenty of it's ups and downs. There have been times when I've felt amazingly strong and energetic. There have been times when I've felt like a train wreck.

I just try to take advantage of the good times and get done as much as possible. During the rough times I try to be wise and strong and let the drugs work and let my body get stronger.

So far at the end of every tough time has been a strong surge. So I have no reason to think differently. As thirsty as I might be, I know there's a big Gatorade waiting for me ahead.

I feel pretty good when I'm stretched out on the recliner. So with laptop in lap at least I can keep trying to pull together this book venture of mine. It is a venture that I've toyed with for a long time.

It's a tough venture though. It's kind of like winning the lottery. There are so many people that want to write a book - Moms who want to write childrens' books, housewives who want to write romance novels, guys stuck in cubicles who want to write action, spy thrillers. Publishers are swamped with submissions.

But I'll pursue. If nothing else, I'll be able to say "I did it."

The first story is just about done, and is entitled "Milk and Cooties." I'm liking it already. (smile)

Coming Along

After pruning some trees over the weekend I slowly started to develop some pain in my right shoulder blade.

It probably wasn't the smartest thing for me to try to do. But it had to be done.

I discussed it with my oncologist on Tuesday. We agreed to watch it. It did sound like it might be a physical thing, not related to my cancer.

Then Tuesday afternoon the pain really began to grow. Into Wednesday the pain was severe and I started to take some pain pills I had leftover from when a tumor was found in my hip bone.

But yesterday it seemed to start feeling a little better. Now, thankfully, today it is feeling even better yet. I still have pain. But it's nothing like it was just two-days ago.

I'm going to try to be smart, for a change, and lay off pruning trees for a little bit.

I consider myself somewhat of an expert on pain. I've cracked my skull. I've cracked two ribs. I've broken the same ankle twice. I think almost every finger, and a few knuckles have been broken along the way too.

I have had hundreds of stitches, more than a hundred in just my head.

I've stretched muscles, bruised muscles, pulled muscles, strained muscles. You name it. I've done it.

But I've never felt a pain like the one I've had this week. Maybe a stretched tendon or ligament? I don't know. Something else to add to my list.

The oncologist was impressed with how well I was handling the new chemo. I really haven't been feeling any side-effects from it at all. He was so impressed that he suggested that we double the chemo dosage. I was surprised by this. It's not something that has ever been suggested before. But I didn't hesitate to agree. If that's possible, let's go get 'em, I said to him.

I am feeling a little more fatique and a little more nausea from this increase this week. But it's not a big deal. Whatever it takes, whatever I can take, I'm going to do to try to fight this thing.

After many years of contemplating the idea, I've finally decided to try to collect some of my stories and try to have them published as a book. It's a shot in the dark. Publishers receive hundreds of manuscripts every day. Some never get read. There are so many people who want to write a childrens' book, or the next best-selling romance novel.

If anyone, by chance, knows anyone who has published a book or may know a literary agent who might be able to help in this endeavor I would greatly appreciate the reference. No matter how good the book, without an experienced agent to properly market it, the only reader may be myself. And this is a world with less readers than ever before.

Happy Friday everone!

City Livin'

When I lived and worked in Philadelphia, I often would have to go downtown to cover court cases.

For awhile I used a parking garage a few blocks north of city hall on Broad Street and then hoofed it down to the court room. The parking attendants at the garage got used to seeing me and my VW Rabbit every week. Before long, the one attendant would see me coming and shout out, "Hey! Larry Bird!"

I was the only white guy around.

He'd tear off in my car, disappearing up the ramp, and I'd say a little prayer that my car would still be there when I returned. It always was.

Eventually I realized that all the other reporters had special red police stickers on their cars and they parked right beside city hall. So I looked into this and soon I had a special sticker too. Now I could pull up over the sidewalk, missing pedestrians of course, and park on a little makeshift parking lot right beside city hall.

Woohoo!

One thing that was always a dominant characteristic of downtown Philly (and likely most large cities) was beggars and con-artists. In Philly I got used to wading through them, ignoring them, and most importantly never making eye contact. You had to just keep moving.

Only once did I actually stop and give a buck to one of these guys. His story was so creative and funny I felt like rewarding him just for coming up with such a ridiculous tale. He was trying to raise money to fight Mike Tyson. lol That was an original one.

When I left Philly I left all that behind me and forgot about all the con men. I moved into the city of Harrisburg after a bit and even in Harrisburg you really didn't see these guys working the streets.

When I was in Harrisburg I was single and worked some long hours. Often I would sneak downtown for a burger and a pint after work.

Once in a tavern in mid-town a fellow followed me into the bathroom. While I was taking care of business in front of the urinal he said to me, "Hey buddy. I just got out of jail, some domestic thing, my wife is the pits. I'm trying to get some bus money so I can get to York. That's where my family is."

I gave him a couple bucks and he took off happy.

The next night I was in the same place, for the same reason, a burger and a beer. Suddenly I spotted this guy again.

"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid," I said to myself. "Have I forgot everything I learned in Philadelphia."

I approached the guy and said, "Hey, remember me? I thought you were heading to York to join your family?"

He said nothing and just turned and took off.

It never happened to me again.

What a Pain

If you do not have cancer and develop a pain somewhere in your body, your doctor will assume that what is causing the pain is anything but cancer.

If you do have cancer and develop a pain somewhere in your body, your doctor will assume that what is causing the pain is cancer.

Sometimes a pain is just a pain.

I've had a little nagging "tweak" in my right shoulder blade recently. Over the weekend I decided to be a big, stupid, gorrila-man and went out in the afternoon heat and started pruning trees.

I couldn't help myself. Our big trees grow into our neighbors' yards and hang down low enough to make it difficult for them to even walk through their yards without ducking. I was feeling guilty. I want to be a good neighbor. The problem had to be fixed.

So trimming trees I went. I pruned out a nice canopy and fixed the problem. I definitely have some more trimming yet to go. But at least I was feeling like a more responsible neighbor.

Then the next day my little "tweak" in my right shoulder blade turned into a growing, excruciating pain.

I saw my oncologist yesterday, and as always he asked me if I had any pains. I told him about the right shoulder blade and added that I thought it was probably physical in nature because I was being a big, stupid, gorilla-man.

One thing that makes me think it is physical in nature is the fact that when Barb rubbed some Aspircream (like Ben Gay without the smell) on it, it felt better, a little better at least.

The oncologist told us that Aspircream would have no effect on cancer caused pain.

He suggested we watch it for a week or two and keep an eye on it. I've been through so much lately, he didn't want to just toss me into a bone scan.

I was comfortable with that.

But yesterday afternoon into this morning it has just hurt more and more. Everything I do is now met with a grimace. Fortunately I do have some pain pills around and have started taking those to try to calm the pain.

I'm anxious to get back to exercising and more activity (like pruning the rest of the trees), but I'll have to try to practice some patience and see where this pain wants to take me.

Chemo and Fresh Peaches

I do love this time of year. I prefer summer time. I prefer the heat. Plus, this is the time of year when there is fresh produce everywhere, and there's nothing better than that.

We have tomatoes growing on one of our back decks and they're starting to ripen. I can just slice one up, dust it with a little bit of salt, maybe a couple drops of olive oil, and WOW, there's is just nothing in any store that will equal that flavor.

Plus people kindly keep dropping off fresh produce off for me to dig into - sweet corn, tomatoes, green peppers, zucchini, watermelon, cantelope, nectarines, and as of yesterday...PEACHES!

I love fresh local peaches. I can just bite into one and let the juices just run down my chin. Who cares if it's a sticky mess? It's so good.

A man can get spoiled around this time of year. Too soon the season will pass, the temperatures will fall, and it will be back to frozen vegetables for me.

Today is chemo day...every other Tuesday. Barb and I will first meet with the oncologist to review and discuss how things are going. Then he'll give me a physical exam. Then we'll be sent to the treatment room for the IV.

The first IV lasted an hour-and-a-half, the next an hour, and this one is supposed to be for only half-an-hour. All of the following treatments on this drug are planned to be 30-minutes. That's a very short time for a chemo treatment. So I can't complain about that at all.

I have been feeling stronger. But I do know that I have a few weeks yet for further improvements.

I also feel fairly busy right now with several projects, and yes of course one of those is ongoing disputes with my health insurance company. There are few days that there isn't some kind of issue with my health insurer. They're such a mess. If I was in a business relationship with any other company that ran their business like they do, I'd be shopping around for another company to do business with. But because of my pre-existing condition I'm stuck and have no where else to go. I think they realize that.

Well...I think it's time for a peach. Don't you think so?

What Would I Do?

I've never admitted to being the brightest crayon in the box. Actually I think we're all equally stupid.

To me a good mechanic and a good doctor basically have the same level of knowledge and intelligence. But society deems one worth more, so doctors typically earn much more than mechanics.

The end of last week was truly highlighting my stupidity. I just wasn't doing anything right. I just laugh though. Sure I get a little frustrated. But throughout my life I've accepted the fact that I am human, which means I'm not always that bright.

I know, we tend to think a lot of ourselves. But if you step back and really take a look at the big picture we're all just kind of walking down the sidewalk asking everybody for a piece of lettuce.

I need to send a big thank you out to Matt Heinze for stopping in Saturday morning and kindly resolving my problem connecting to the network from the new laptop. I was right, it took him about two-minutes.

And I have to send a big thank you to Barb for solving my color problems on my printer by simply suggesting that I clean the print heads. Here I was downloading color profiles, adjusting and tweaking color settings, and all I had to do was push a button to clean the print heads. lol

Like I told you, not the brightest crayon in the box.

I still haven't been able to load software on one of our four computers but that will be on my list for today.

And another big thank you to Barb and her Mom for running out to the grocery store this morning as I continue to recover from my recent radiation treatments.

I have to get my exercising going again. I basically took a big break until the spreading cancer had been addressed by both the new chemo and the radiation. I had been feeling like the exercise could actually hurt me.

I don't want to start exercising today though, because I meet with the oncologist tomorrow. If I exercised today, when he asked me if I had any pain, I'd have to say, "Well yeah, ALL OVER!"

I did still trim a bunch of branches yesterday. I trimmed. Barb hauled them away.

Our trees are so large they hang over into our neighbors yards. I've felt bad about not being able to tend to these. Yesterday I finally got a good start on one of the trees.

It probably was the best thing for me to do. It took its toll on me. But I had to get outside and do something. I just had to. All in all I wasn't any worse for wear for tackling it. Remember, I'm not the brightest crayon in the box.

I still have a few branches to trim off that tree. But, to reach them I'll have to get up on a little patio roof at the neighbor's house. I didn't want to do that without her knowing that I was there.

There's nothing like waking up, opening your drapes, and seeing a big guy with a giant pole saw right outside your window!

Melty Face

I know a bit about computers out of necessity more than anything else. It's not that I enjoy working on them.

Computers have helped me make money so I could feed myself and have a roof over my head. Those are the necessities. But when things go wrong. Whew, boy, I could just toss those things out the nearest window.

Did you ever have a day or two when everything you touched seemed to go wrong? I think we all have. After awhile it just gets so ridiculous all you can do is laugh.

I'm giggling right now.

For our fourth anniversary I bought Barb a new laptop computer. Following the guidelines for fourth anniversary gifts the modern day gift should be an appliance and the traditional gift should be fruit. No kidding...fruit.

Well we really didn't need any appliances so I bought her the laptop. And I got creative on the fruit and bought her a necklace with a crushed diamond apple hanging from the chain, because she is the "apple of my eye." (smile)

The laptop came this week and I worked to hook up the wireless connection to the router so she could see other computers on our network and access the internet. It's not something I do everyday. But it's certainly something I've done dozens of times before.

Spent a day and a half trying to do nothing else but this, and still nothing.

My face feels like it's literally melted off of my head.

I finally gave up and called my cousin Matt who kindly offered to stop in today to see what he can do. He'll probably have it all fixed up in two-minutes. Thanks Matt!

Then there was some new computer software. It installed and ran fine on one computer but not another. Hmmmmm. There's a few hours of my life I'll never get back.

Then I ordered and received some new photo paper that I really like but now my color callibration is all screwed up so I'll have to work that all over again.

I'm just in one of those bad luck streaks.

It happens.

I'm afraid to touch anything today. I'm afraid to give Barb a hug, fearing that she might end up falling and breaking something.

I'll try to stick to simple tasks today.

Stuff happens, life is always an adventure.

Bob, Dad and I

Word from South Florida is that my Uncle Bob has been discharged from the hospital and is back home. He is under the care of a home care nurse. He will be facing a couple weeks of recovery.

Being a typical stubborn Albert man, Bob probably won't be patient with his recovery. I know I wasn't after my surgery. But I do hope he takes it easy on himself, listens to the physicians, and takes some time to heal properly.

It looks more and more like my Dad will only be able to come home for visits. The doctor really wants him to stay in the nursing center. It's a tough call. There's no doubt that my Dad would be more comfortable at home. But there's also no doubt that my Dad would find a way to fall and injure himself again if he was home.

I'm relaxing today after Gamma Knife radiation treatment yesterday. It was a good day for me.

First, the doctors informed me that there was no new growth. Whew. This I was more worried about than anything else. So this was great news.

Second, the doctors told me that everything that was treated last time had either completely disappeared or greatly receded. This too was great news. Typically the poisoning of the tumors by the radiation acts a bit more gradually. So this was great news.

Also, my treatment yesterday went smoothly. They took me first this time and we were home by noon.

Yes, my head is still sore and very numb from the medication. Sleeping was very difficult last night. My shower this morning should be even more interesting. I predict a lot of grimacing and strange faces.

The Albert men will keep working at it. There are always ups and downs in life. But we'll keep approaching it with a positive attitude, the best we can, like any good Pennsylvania Dutchman would.

Earliest Memories

I'm in the middle of a book right now that Barb's Mom kindly left with me. It's "All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten," by Robert Fulghum.

The book has made me think back to my earliest memories.

I still do, amazingly enough, remember nap time in kindergarten. We would have milk and cookies, the teacher would read us a little story, and we'd all fall asleep for a little nap on nice blankets spread across the floor.

I'm not sure why that activity was stopped after kindergarten. Actually I think that it's a great thing, something that should be continued through adult life.

I mean can you imagine the New York Stock Exchange closing at noon for a little milk and cookies and a quick nap? I've seen those guys and gals hustling and bustling and screaming and pointing. I think they'd be much healthier and better off if they could take a little nap and stop to enjoy one of the simple pleasures in life - milk and cookies.

The memories I have of first grade are vaccinations. It seemed like every other day our class was marched to the nurses office to have another vaccination. We all dreaded that. I think we had around 72 vaccinations in all, or at least it seemed like that.

The memories I have of second grade are all about recess. Running through the grass and over the little hills playing tag, it was great. The boys would run wild. The girls would kind of hang out in a little group. There was no mixing between boys and girls. Girls did have cooties after all.

Every now and then the girls would make a group decision to try to chase the boys. They made group decisions, a challenge to the group, to see which girl could catch a boy and kiss him.

This was more of an annoyance to me than anything else. I was way faster than any of the girls and could easily out run them.

One day I was leaning up against the brick school wall just gazing out into the distance, probably thinking about all the vaccinations I had last year. I turned around and suddenly a girl gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I got him! I got him! I kissed Jim Albert!" she yelled, sprinting back to the group of girls with tremendous pride in her accomplishment.

Aaaaarrrrrrrgggghhhhhhhh! COOTIES!

But that wasn't the worst thing. I was horrified. I was so humiliated. I let a girl sneak up on me and kiss me on the cheek. That memory would haunt me for years. For years I would never trust girls.

The first day of third grade was rough. We had a very tough teacher. The first day of class she showed us a movie which started with the "Star Spangled Banner." We all attentively watched and listened and when our national anthem was over she stopped the film.

She started screaming at us. None of us had gotten out of our seats and stood for our national anthem and she was REALLY upset about it. Boy did she lay into us.

She did become ill that year (possibly from screaming too much) and we had a substitute teacher for the rest of the year. I always remember that she allowed us to bring records into class and play them. I brought in the "Monster Mash" record. We all thought it was funny to play it at 75 rpm.

Third grade was also the year of the "fluteaphone," the little plastic recorder that introduced us all to music for the first time. We were terrible. Even at our young age we knew that. But we blew and blew, out of sync in huffs and puffs rather than steady breaths. God bless our parents. They all came out to our recital and smiled and glowed like it was the best music they had ever heard.

Google

Google is pretty fascinating. They are the host of this blog.

I do not use Google as my homepage because it's a very scarce, empty page...just a search engine and nothing else. I like using Yahoo as my homepage because not only can I search for things but also I can get news headlines and links to sports news, etc.

But Google's search engine is uniquely strong.

More and more you'll see Google ads on web pages. I have Google ads on my blog page. Google has figured out how to scan pages and deliver ads that are related to the content of the page.

They make it appealing to web authors because web authors, like myself, can earn money when people click on ads on their pages. And they make it appealing to advertisers, because advertisers feel like their message is being delivered to their target audience.

But it's hardly perfect, at least to me. I don't think that computers are ready to replace us quite yet.

Since my blog is primarily about my cancer, most of the ads that appear on my blog pages are also about cancer. But who would want to click on those ads? Maybe other people with cancer who are looking for treatment options. But very few people who read my blog have cancer. So the ads are pretty much useless.

I can block individual advertisers, and I regularly do. But the medical ads, and attorney ads, which I find a little offensive just keep coming. It shows me that two businesses that have not struggled through this tough year are the medical and law businesses.

Even writing about this may be a breech of my "contract" with Google. But what difference would it make? Over many months I've earned a whopping $23, and I won't see any pay until I reach the $100 mark, which at this rate I estimate will be sometime in 2012.

I'm curious how the Google computers will scan this blog? Will I get all ads on advertising with Google tomorrow? I'm tempted to write three blogs in a row on chocolate fudge brownies with walnuts to see what kind of ads would appear then.

"I don't give them hell. I just tell them the truth and they think it's hell." - Harry S. Truman

Doctor's View

My Mom finally had a chance to talk to my Dad's doctor yesterday. He's been unintentionally (I think) evading her for a number of weeks.

She asked him point blank whether it would be a good idea to take my Dad home permanently. The doc answered back, point blank, and emphatically, "No."

The path towards successful elderly care is a maze. It's confusing. It's riddled with pot holes and sharp turns. A movement has definitely been on against nursing homes in general, and for keeping elderly in their homes.

But dementia is a different sort of animal. We're not just talking about aging in general. It's something that seems to fall through the cracks.

The one very real setback to keeping my Dad in the skilled nursing center is funding. It's a very expensive proposition that could drain my parents lifetime of earnings.

But apparently a nursing home insurance policy that my Dad had taken out some years ago is now kicking in to cover the gaps in Medicare coverage.

Medicare will not cover stays in a nursing home. But they will cover stays in a skilled nursing center. If a patient is determined to need ongoing rehabilatation that only a skilled nurse or doctor could provide, Medicare will pay for three-months of every "term." Terms have their own definitions under the Medicare maze. It does not necessarily mean a year. And that is the gap that the nursing home insurance may cover.

I'm not fond of the guessing games, nor the cross your fingers and hope for the best. But in reality, it's about all you can do.

It seems that I am constantly involved with some misunderstanding between my health insurer and my health provider. Right now my health insurer is telling me that I do not have a referral for lab work. My health provider is telling me that I don't need a referral for lab work, and also that they don't even charge for lab work. So I'm on the phone almost every day with one or the other or both. Little old me trying to solve issues between corporate giants. Quite frankly I have enough to deal with, without having to deal with this over and over and over again.

There is legislation to protect the health insurance companies and the health providers. They can literally come after your personal assets and have laws behind them to allow that to happen. I've found very little in place to protect the individual however.

I'm so tired of the politics. Republican, Democrat, it doesn't matter. I'm a registered independent. I find absolutely no purpose to even have political parties. I believe in good ideas, not good or bad political parties. Yet everyday I see and speak to people who are so devoted to their political party.....why?

The Democrats in the House in Pennsylvania voted to pay themselves from a special legislative fund even though they can't pass a budget to have state workers paid. Their debates on the budget have been riddled with party politics and frankly embarassing.

The Republicans have been on a hate campaign, trying to scare people into believing the worst of any idea that comes from a Democrat. I'm so tired of this.

Both parties in Washington just approved the purchase of multi-million dollar corporate jets to fly their important members around.

Come on people! Forget about party politics. Let's get down to the nitty gritty and get things done.

Please?

No News is Good News

It's a beautiful day today in Central PA. I might try to go on a little camera walk today and get some pics around town.

I have to drop Barbie off for a haircut around noon and then hustle down the road to try to have some bloodwork done. Hopefully the timing will all work out and I can retrieve her on the way back without either of us having to wait.

I've been feeling a little better since they asked me to up my intake of two medicines. Certainly I like to feel better. But on the downside, I know it's the medicines making me feel better and kind of a false reality.

Next week I'll have one more radiation treatment. It should not be nearly as long and crueling as the first. This week I had my second chemo treatment with the new chemo. After this week I'll have to ride everything out for a couple of weeks and see how I feel, and how everything is working.

I know in January of this year my chemo stopped working and the cancer ran wild. I was pretty messed up. But I was quickly put on a new chemo, put through some radiation treatments, and before too long everything was looking up again. It just took some time to move through the transition.

I equate what's going on now with what went on in January. As long as the new chemo now kicks in like the new chemo in January did I should be back to running strong in about a month or so.

Unfortunately, as well as these chemos can take care of business. They all do stop working at some point. The cancer is persistent and eventually figures out how to work around the effects of the chemo. The stupid cancer is evidently not that stupid.

But I do know that researchers feel emboldened by some of their latest achievements and are pushing to find a way to knock this type of cancer down for good.

Happy Anniversary

A dedication to a wonderful husband and love of my life, whom I never want to be without. You have the best qualities any one could ask for and such an incredible amount of faith.

All My Love,
Barbie

Special Day

Happy Anniversary Barbie! You're such a special person, and have added so much to my life, each and every day. I love you.

There's a New Girl in Town

As you may remember, on my Mom's recent trip to Detroit a motorcycle collided with her parked Buick in the hotel parking lot where she was staying.

Monday she took the car into get repaired. She was told that the work would take a week and she would be given a blue Chevy Cobalt to drive while her car was being repaired.

But when she got to the dealer she learned that someone else had nabbed the Chevy and the only other car they had was a Pontiac G5. It's a pretty small, sporty car, not exactly her style, so she asked about options. She was told she could upgrade for an additional expense. But she wasn't having any of that, after all the accident wasn't her fault and why should she endure extra expense.

So she took the Pontiac.

My Mom is used to stepping up into a SUV, not crawling down into a sporty car. But she's managing. Most surprising to her of everything was that the G5 was bright yellow, with a spoiler.

"Can you imagine me driving around in a bright yellow sports car with a spoiler?" she asked me.

"Well I'm sure all the young guys are going to be turning their heads," I told her.

She laughed.

They're going to be asking, "Who's the new chick in town?"

Updates

Word from South Florida this morning is that my Uncle Bob pulled through surgery well yesterday. He'll have a couple weeks of recovery ahead of him. I hope he's patient and allows his body to heal. You know those stubborn Pennsylvania dutchmen.

And speaking of stubborn PA dutchmen, word from Lebanon is that my Dad and a cohort of his at the nursing center are plotting an escape. Yesterday they were trying to convince someone to help them sneak out and give them a ride to Myerstown. Exactly what they would do once they reached Myerstown - I don't know.

It's not funny, but sometimes you still have to laugh. It sounds like there could be a movie plot in all of that.

Barb and I will be heading into the cancer center this afternoon for my second IV on the new chemo. I'll have to time out my day to take a nice power nap before we take off. We should be back around dinner time.

Yesterday Barb's Mom kindly took Barb to the butcher and the grocery store. I really did not feel up to the trip. She brought with her all kinds of fruits and vegetables from various family members gardens. I now have the biggest zucchini I've ever seen in my life. I'm a little intimidated trying to think of what to do with it. It's HUGE!

Thank you so much Susan!

Our cupboards were getting pretty bare. But this morning I'm dancing around the kitchen, looking at all this great food, trying to decide where to start. It's a good problem. I have to start with the fresh stuff, and not let anything go bad.

I think my situation now is very similar to my situation in December and January. Back then my chemo stopped working and the cancer ran wild. Things weren't looking good.

The doctor switched me to a new chemo. I endured some radiation treatments. Then my February things really started to turn around for the better.

Once again, here in July my chemo stopped working. The cancer ran wild. Now I'm enduring more radiation treatments and on a new chemo. As long as the new chemo digs in and knocks the cancer down, I am expecting a repeat of early this year.

A little over five-years ago new chemo treatments were introduced to fight kidney cancer. Before that, there was only one possible treatment, and it did not work very well at all.

The new treatments do not cure kidney cancer, but they do stall it and hold it in place. The problem is, they all stop working after a period of time. The idea right now is to just keep revolving the new chemos that are available to try to lengthen life as long as possible.

As one doctor explained to me, once the first new chemo was released, all the pharmaceutical companies try to jump on board. The chemical structure of the chemo is altered a little to be the same, but a little different. This is the fourth different chemo for me over three-years. It is all the chemos that are available right now, although more are in clinical trials looking for approval by the FDA.

The chemo is extremely expensive. It's a big money maker for the pharmaceutical companies. It costs between $4,000 and $7,000 a month. I don't know anyone who could afford that. Thankfully we've been able to receive them through patient assistance programs offered by the drug companies themselves.

In the ever-present logic of the insurance companies - an IV based chemo administered at the health facility is covered by insurance, but a pill based chemo taken at home is not covered. ???????

Bob and Paul

My cousin has always been able to summarize things very well.

One year we went to the Outer Banks of North Carolina right after a couple of bull shark attacks occured just north of where we were staying. One of the first things we do when we arrive at the Outer Banks is jump in the ocean.

In true form my cousin and I ran down to the water's edge just after arrival at our rented house. We both looked at each other, knowing what the other was thinking without words.

My cousin said to me, "Hey, I still go outside everyday even though I could be struck by lightning." In we went.

His father my Uncle Bob is scheduled for surgery this morning to his abdomen to address a benign blockage. His take on it, "Well you know our parents are getting older, and so are we."

Our thoughts and prayers are with Bob and Mary and the entire family today. My thoughts will be with them throughout the day. I'm sure Bob will pull through it like the champ he is.

When my Dad was admitted to Hershey Medical Center early this Spring, Bob came up to visit for a week, to see how he could support us. I remember the doctor trying to explain things to my Dad. But my Dad wasn't understanding everything that well. Bob would use sign language to explain what the doctor was saying to my Dad. It was nothing for them since they've been using sign language most of their lives. But, for me, it was something to see.

My Dad came home yesterday for a visit. According to my Mom he did very well at home. He was obviously glad to be home. The family is strongly considering bringing him home for good, and hiring a home-care worker to help out.

Although there are some risks bringing him home. I do think that this could be in his best interest, and hopefully not wear my Mom down too much.

I remember when I was in the hospital after my surgery. I couldn't wait to get out of there. I could never relax. There was always things going on around me. People were constantly coming into my room, people I didn't know. There were beeps and flashing lights and unknown noises. I remember telling my doctor, "A hospital is no place for sick people." Surprisingly, he agreed.

In the skilled nursing home my Dad faces the same things daily. It makes you grouchy. It makes you want to get out of there. It's impossible to be comfortable. We think that at home at least he would be surrounded by the comforts of home.

Because of his dementia we will have to be careful. Will he try to take out the trash? Will he try to drive the car? Will he start something on the stove and then forget about it? Will he fall again?

Maybe.

But the more I have thought about it, the more I think it's worth the risk because it is what my Dad would want. He would want to be home no matter what the circumstance.

So our thoughts are with the Albert families today, as they always are. We might not touch base with one another every day. We are spread out between here and Florida now, and now longer all in Myerstown. But we've always been a close knit bunch who've always respected and admired one another.

Slow Down, You Move Too Fast

Before cancer came to town, I was as guilty as anyone as being part of the rat race. It's hard not to be a part of it.

But interestingly enough, cancer does have it's up side. It forces you to slow down and appreciate things.

The American way has really become bigger, faster, more. We have become a big, fat slob constantly gorging ourselves as fast as we can discarding our leftovers sloppily on the floor around us.

There is little time for thoughtfulness anymore. We need to work, work, work, make as much money as possible for bigger houses, bigger cars. We're obsessed with material things.

We are a powerful influence around the world. As time passes we are slowly converting other countries to our way as well. Greed drives us to empty, man-made objectives. We're constantly in a race for the golden calf.

I know this is a subject I've touched on before. But it is one that just keeps coming back to me.

I was never much for material things. Unlike many people, I was never impressed by "sparkly" things. My Dad was a great role model to that regard. Even though he rose to be the head man at a larger pharmaceutical plant he never let the extra money change his basic self. He still drove the old Rambler to work everyday, held together by putty to cover the rusted holes. He still took a sandwich to work everyday in a paper bag.

But I was a part of the rat race regardless. I worked many hours, went out with my friends, slept little, and woke up and did it again. I didn't take time out to do much else.

Cancer slowed me down though. It has made me more thoughtful, and more deliberate. Suddenly I was taking the time to enjoy and appreciate everything around me.

I've been on all kinds of boats. Speed boats are loud and stir up the water. You really see little of the environment around you. My favorite boat is a canoe. You can silently glide through the water, not scaring any wildlife away, enjoying everything around you, really soaking it in.

When Barb and I bought bikes it was a great experience for us. We biked down streets and alleys and parts of town we never would have visited in a car. And let's face it, there's not much time to soak in the scenery when you're driving these days. It's an accident waiting to happen.

Slowing down, taking my time, not being part of the rat race, helped me truly enjoy this wonderful world around us much, much more.

I still worked after my cancer diagnosis. But I noticed that I wasn't racing through work anymore. I was patient. I was thoughtful.

I always had bosses barking at me, "Are you done yet? Are you done yet?" And that attitude was instilled in me. But, no longer, and the work became even better, and more enjoyable, and healthier for me as a whole.

I just started reading the book "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten" which Barb's Mom kindly picked up for me. In the author's opening preface he lists the important aspects of kindergarten that he uses to guide his life. Two of those things that I really like are: take time for milk and cookies; and take time for an afternoon nap.

I know it's difficult to not get caught up in the rat race, to sprint through everyday so fast that everything is just a blur by evening. But if slowing down means less money, a smaller house, a cheaper car, it will come with it's rewards as well.