Follow-Up Day

Jim and I going to a follow-up appointment with his neuro-surgeon today for his take on the most recent MRI he has had. Although it won't hurt to find out information we already have been clued in about. There are always questions in the way they describe the information as it reads on the results. So many technical words, that for the most part, the average person would not entirely understand.

On a different note, I know my daughter has moved from her apartment into her and Charlie's new home. I am very excited for them and I they know that I wish them all the happiness in the world. This past weekend was Alyssa's surprise bridal shower and we got her but good!!! I know Alyssa only has a short time left at school and she has done very well so far and I don't expect that to change. Best of luck to her with her future endeavors in the field.


Everyone have a wonderful day!!!

Weddings, Crazy Cats, Summer Days, and Still Working on the Rehab

Sorry we haven't "blogged" for a couple of days. We've gotten a bit caught up in preparing invitations for Alyssa and Charlie's upcoming wedding. We're in the home stretch now.

We've also been caught up in getting ready for Alyssa's wedding shower, which was yesterday. Sorry about having to lie to you Alyssa about everyone's whereabouts yesterday. I was under strict orders! lol Well I was! And thanks so much Debbie for making the party happen.

Freckles the cat did survive his visit from the vet, and was given a clean sheet of health. It was the first time we had the vet come to us, and it did make a big difference. The house call was much less stressful for Freckles, who just does not travel well at all.

There was no biting or scratching, no blood was shed, and between myself, Barb, the vet and his assistant, we were able to convince Freckles to submit to being weighed, and then examined.

Someone must have constructed a large dome over Marietta. Although we've been getting our share of summer showers as of late, they all seem to somehow magically miss Marietta. We've gotten plenty of thunder and lightning. Yesterday was the first morning storm this season that I remember. We woke up to all kinds of neat thunder and lightning, but ultimately, again, no rain.

I have an eerie feeling that one of theses days we're going to get all the rain at once.

Although I still deal with overall effects of the radiation, things continue to improve and strengthen.

The biggest challenge by far right now is definitely the nutrition. It's a bewildering thing for me really. I've just never had trouble eating before, and certainly have never experienced anything like this.

No matter what "real food" I try to eat, it just instantly makes me sick to my stomach. I've certainly lost some weight. And it's definitely reached a point of needing to be controlled and stopped here. We're bringing in some liquid protein supplements to try to at least ensure that minimum requirements are being reached. But it continues to be challenging.

I will say, though, that yesterday, for the first time in weeks, I tore into some food without hesitation or trepidation - the way I used to normally eat. It was a piece of carrot cake.

Time for me to wake Barb up with some coffee so I can get her to take me around town for a morning walk. It's Monday! We're off into another week!

From the Heart

You take each day at a time,
without a reason, without a rhyme.
When you have a change of events in life,
and things can cut into you like a knife.

Not everything may be the same right now,
the things you would do together,
and the the things you would share.
But you must always be right there.

Patience is one thing that you keep in mind,
for everything will come in its own time.
You can't help but feel a little down,
and wear a brief frown.

Things will return to where they've been,
just have the patience, and you shall see,
as I have that certain things must be.

A Note in His File

Another family member has a doctor appointment today other than me - it's Freckles the cat.

Freckles is a large, dominant male. He has a bit of a reputation.

Day in, day out, around the house Freckles is lovable, playful and kind to those he knows, Barb, Alyssa and I. He's not too fond of new things. He absolutely hates to travel anywhere. He just likes to stay in the house where he knows every corner. And he's not too fond of new faces, new people that he doesn't know. (And it takes many visits and some commitment to earn Freckle's approval.)

It happens to be time for Freckles to receive his regular shots. Trips to the vet typically have been wild. Once Freckles is in the car he starts to whimper, cry, foam at the mouth, soil his cage. Then he'll hiss and scratch at the vet. Trying his best to prevent anything that we have planned for him. Then the home car trip is more of the same. We feel so bad for him. It seems to take so much out of him.

Last time at the vet we worked hard to calm Freckles on the floor, petting him and reassuring him. When the vet entered the room we warned him of Freckles often aggressive nature toward strangers.

The vet said, "Oh I know. I noticed the note in his file."

Note in his file? Freckles has a note in his file? Oh man, our cat has a note in his file!

That visit we successfully calmed Freckles between Barb and I, while the vet conducted some "stealth" practices to complete the exam and medications.

This time, with everything going on, the vet has agreed to make a home visit to Freckles. It's still going to be traumatic for the fuzzy guy. But at least he'll skip the trauma of the ride in the car.

I feel for him. I really do. But it's still a nice switch to know that I'm not the one with a doctor's appointment for a change. (smile)

No Worrying Why

One thing I've discovered through my experiences is that almost all cancer patients embark on a discovery of "why?" "Why did I get cancer?"

And it's not a "Why did this happen to me?" (although there's always occasional pity parties).

It's a plain old "Why did I get cancer?"

"How did this happen?"

You relive your entire life in less than a week. Was it something I did? Something I didn't do? Is it hereditary? Environment? Lifestyle? What is it?

Should I have brushed my teeth one more time each day???

It's a journey of discovery almost every cancer patient seems to take. But each of those journeys ends the same. There's no apparent rhyme or reason to it. Non-smokers get lung cancer. Two-year olds somehow get brain cancer. It plays no favorites, follows no logic. It just is.

I definitely went on this journey. I came up with 2,762 different possibilities to rationalize how I got cancer. Then I came to my senses and accepted that it doesn't make any sense at all, and doesn't have to.

There's a lot in this world that's beyond our understanding. I concluded early in life to not fight that. The human sense of curiousity is one worth following. But don't beat yourself up. There are things that will not get explained. You just got to have faith.

And that's what it's all about . . . faith.

It's Monday

First of all, I want to thank those of you that have been commenting on the posts, we are glad to see it happening.

We skipped the weekend posts, I guess because sometimes it's not always easy to think of a topic. Anyway, we have gotten a really good start on the wedding invitations and will continue to plug away at getting them completed.

Today I am going to go over to Alyssa's apartment for a few hours to help her pack her belongings to move into her and Charlie's new house. The place will be very nice for the two of them and it is a beautiful home with quite the view. It's difficult to find a lot now and days with an awesome view, but they happen to have one.

Once again, thank you for everything that everyone has been doing in assisting on Jim's road to recovery, although I know people would be doing these things anyway, because that is exactly the way it is supposed to be when you have a close knit family!!!

Two in a Row

We received the results of this week's brain MRI yesterday and everything looks good at this point. That's two positive radiology test results in a row. First we had the good CT scan of the chest, and now this positive MRI scan of the brain.

The MRI basically showed that four of the six brain tumors were greatly diminished or gone. The two others were stable and had not changed in size. At this point, just six-weeks after the end of radiation treatments, the radiation is still working. So we'll check again in September for further progress. There was no evidence of new tumor activity.

Basically radiation poisons cells. It restructures the cells themselves, confusing them, so they cannot function properly. Over time the tumor cells, hopefully, cannot reproduce or regenerate and thus slowly die. It is a slow poisoning process that takes time to realize its full effects.

Unfortunately radiation can also harm normal cells, not just the tumor cells. Since I had to endure whole brain radiation I'll have to watch and work on, what overall damage the radiation may have caused me. Some longterm affects can take awhile to present themselves.

But I've gotten this far in life without using most of my brain most of the time...lol...I'm sure I can work it out.

Just Waiting

Another few days of waiting for the results of yesterday's MRI. It would be nice to know today or tomorrow, rather than through the weekend. I anticipate only positive results from the whole brain radiation, but there are more MRI's and CAT scans to come just as follow ups to the entire procedure.

I spoke with my daughter Alyssa yesterday and she is preparing to move into her new home over the next week and I may need to help her pack, I will wait to see how things fall into place. The BIG wedding date continues to get closer and moving right along. I know that Alyssa and Charlie, along with everyone involved are very excited. I swear I think those two are like two peas in a pod.

I guess over the next 5-7 years I will have at least one grandchild to spoil and to babysit. BRING IT ON!!! lol

Celebrity Sighting

Recently my wife Barb and my parents Paul and Alice met Uncle Fester from the Addams Family and took this picture!

Wait a second! That's not Uncle Fester! THAT'S ME!

Yep. That's me during the last week of radiation treatments. I'm all puffed up from the steroids (sure Barry Bonds has never taken steroids...jeesh), and my eyes are sunken and dark.

I've since lost the extra "puff" from the steroids. I hated those things. I don't understand how athletes could stand to take them.

And the eyes are much better than they were when this picture was taken.

Today's the first follow-up MRI. I remember a bit from Lance Armstrong's book, who himself still gets radiology scans once a year to check for cancer. He said that you can't walk around each day worrying about whether the cancer is returning or growing, you just live life like normal, and every now and then you take time to get checked out and worry just for that week.

Or as my one doctor said to me, "Go live your life. We'll check things out every now and then. Then you can open that Pandora's box and look inside. Then we'll close it and go back to living again."

I still can't believe my family met Uncle Fester!!! Wow!

A Laid Back Kind of Day

Laying low today and trying to relax my mind before the upcoming MRI, I am positive the results will be on the much better side. Jim and I took our walk this morning, which feels very good for the both of us, he is resting at the moment and it is needed and deserved.

I know that once he wakes at this time of the day, he will have to wait until after 6pm this evening in order to eat again due to the timing around his Nexavar. I see a slight improvement with the eating habits but there is still room for much more.

Jim and I will start working on the wedding invitations for my daughter very soon, we are awaiting paper samples to do some sample work and taked it from there. Actually, it is a project I am looking forward to and of course is an event that I am looking forward to. Among ourselves, we have come up with some very creative ideas to make them turn out in a very professional manner.

Everyone have a wonderful day!!!

Little Update

It's Monday everybody! Time to get up and kick it back in gear for another week! Woohoo! lol

A Monday for me will start with a little walk. I've been working on getting out and getting some basic exercise. It's amazing, after these radiation treatments it is like starting over. I have to slowly work up strength again over time. I'm determined to be stronger than Barb again (although some would argue that I never was to begin with).

And being Monday, my walk will be quickly followed with a call to my insurance company to argue, complain, and straighten out discrepencies they seem to purposely throw into the mix to make everything as difficult as possible. It's ridiculous really. It always comes down to my insurance company trying to find any way to weasel out of paying each and every bill. I should have given them an equally hard time about paying my monthly premium all these years.

The regular Monday argument with the insurance company will be quickly followed by my first of three teeth cleaning treatments of the day. I did make it to the dentist last week. All in all the dentist felt that my teeth survived the radiation treatments very well. But the radiation did cause two small cavities which I"ll need to get filled. And there was a little bone loss along the gum line. And the radiation has caused something known as "black tongue." So now I'm on a strict regimen to attack all of these issues, which involves three different toothpastes, two different tooth brushes, and two different mouthwashes. And I thought it was bad when my Mom hawked me to brush my teeth as a kid! lol Jeesh! Well the regimen does seem to be having a positive effect.

After the teeth cleaning, I'll decide to clean the rest of me. Then it's into some daily chores to straighten up the house. After that it's moving into personal projects to keep me motivated and moving, constantly working to take more and more of the burden of our daily lives off of Barb.

Things are pretty much the same with the appetite right now. I am living off protein drinks, fruit, and blueberry muffins. It's an odd thing for me. I've always loved to eat. I mean LOVED to eat. So I'm working on it. There are still certain cravings there and I'm working with them.

Happy Monday everybody! Now stop reading this and get back to work!!! LOL

Nice Saturday

Well, Jim and I went for our early morning walk. It was very nice and the perfect morning for one. Tomorrow is my nephew's birthday party and I am looking forward to it, unfortunately Jim is not up to attending these things yet, but it will come in time.

I see Jim getting better each day, but there is still a ways to go. Life always has it's challenges and this is probably the biggest one we've been through and everyone else that has been involved. It takes alot of love and caring and nurturing to get through all of this and in my opinion it's a test of many aspects of life and going on with life.

I must admit, it was not easy to quit my job, but doing this comes before anything else. I hope all of the friends that I have made at work realize the affect that they have had on me and have helped also to get me through all of this. Some of the people that I am talking about have had personal experiences with this themselves and there support has meant a great deal to me.

A Thank You to Those I Don't Even Know

Whether you're for or against our military involvements overseas . . . you have to feel for the soldiers and their families who are conducting themselves through it all the best they can.

I, quite frankly, can't imagine myself in their shoes. Whether being a soldier halfway across the world conducting these dangerous missions, or whether being a family-member of a solider, living without that loved one day in and day out, I just can't imagine being in their position.

Our soldiers are not involved in the political debates. They're just waking up everyday and doing an awfully tough job, likely for much less pay than you or I receive everyday. My hat is off to all of them.

It does make me feel like my personal struggles with cancer are small struggles considering what others in this world are doing and involved in.

What will it take for our world to realize that we are all brothers and sisters? No matter what your culture, your background, your beliefs, is it truly that difficult to simply look around and realize that are all of the same origin? Is it really that difficult to realize that we are all in this together?

Sometimes the simplest concepts seem to be the most elusive.

Barb is reminding me that it's time for our morning walk (man she's tough! lol). So as I work hard to take those steps around the block, get the well-needed healing exercise I need, I'll think of all those around the world who are working even harder than me, in worse conditions than I have, and they'll motivate me through each tough step.

If they can do it, so can I.

Greater Powers

A few months ago I read a story about a game fish that had been transplanted from a Missouri river to a Colorado river.

It seems that this fish was a great sporting fish in Missouri, and someone had the idea that sportsmen in Colorado would greatly appreciate the chance to land this fish as well.

So approvals were sought, plans were made, and before long the transfer of some of these fish were underway. The Missouri fish (I think it was a trout) was soon introduced to a Colorado waterway.

As those in charge watched the progress closely of this new species introduction, to their horror fish in the Colorado river began to die. Before long, the Colorado river where the Missouri fish were introduced was void of all fish, the existing fish, the newly introduced fish, all were soon dead.

Researchers later discovered that the fish from Missouri carried some type of environmental effect that was perfectly normal in the Missouri river, but poison in the Colorado river.

It made me think.

The Earth around us can be so mysterious. We like to think that we control the Earth. But I think it's more apt that we are at the mercy of it.

I think the environmental goal of "saving the Earth," is an honorable one. But, quite frankly, I think if the Earth gets sick of us it will just kick us off. So maybe we should just focus on saving ourselves.

If a fish from Missouri can poison and kill its overall species in Colorado just from existing in this new environment, than what else is possible? Could the same rules apply to humankind?

In my early years, in school, we often would discuss the problems of over-population. Is it just me, or is this concept never discussed anymore?

We, humans, are the greatest infestation and the greatest threat to this planet. We're everywhere! And we're quite a burden on everything around us!

I have a theory, just a theory, that increases in threats to humanity (like cancer) may be the direct result of our increased threat to our environment. In other words, if we don't take care of our environment, the environment will take care of itself.

The power of Earth is the power of God and far more powerful than us. It's beyond anything will ever be able to understand or comprehend. But I believe that the important thing is not that we manage to understand it all, but knowing and accepting that we won't understand it all.

Well how's that for some philosophical ramblings? Can you tell I love a good debate?

Hot, Sticky Weather

It's one heck of a hot, sticky day outside, all you have to do is step outside and it hits you right in the face. I hope everyone is staying as cool as possible, normally don't mind the hot weather, but it's the humidity that's the slap in the face.

I guess just to the south of us, a severe storm must have gone through, I would welcome some rain, but not necessarily being dumped on. For those of you that have had to spend time outside today, more power to you.


Take Care and Stay Cool!!!

Open Wide

I have a love/hate relationship with the dentist. I hate sitting there with my mouth wide open for a half-hour being poked and prodded by all kinds of sharp instruments of diabolical torture. But I love the feeling of having clean teeth.

I was warned before radiation treatments started that I may face some dental problems caused by the radiation.

Well there's no doubt about it. I'm guessing I've got at least two cavities.

I've been waiting for a point where I felt like the radiation has done as much damage as it's going to do. And this Thursday I'm off for the dentist office to see how much damage has been done exactly

I'll grin and bear it. And then just grin when the work is done.

The fatique caused by the radiation treatments continues to improve. I certainly am in for a long rehabilitation. I'm supposed to start feeling like myself by mid-July, and slowly I am. But I also know from others who've experienced this process that it can be months and months to regain the strength and energy needed to get through what would be considered a normal day.

The nausea from the radiation and the interesting digestive woes from the chemotherapy are both being treated effectively by medicaton and generally under control.

Probably the most frustrating ongoing challenge is the loss of appetite. I've gone from someone who absolutely positively loved to cook and eat, to someone who just eats to survive. It's a strange thing, because it's not nausea, it's loss of appetite. Most food simply does not seem appealing to me, sight, smell or taste.

I don't quite understand the physical factors behind loss of appetite. But then neither does the medical field. There is no known treatment for it.

From what I can tell, my appetite has gone back to infancy again, and I'll have to build it up to maturity over time. For example, the things I can eat right now are things like apple sauce, fruit, yogurt - you know, baby food.

I know my wife Barb talked about possibilites of having a child before the cancer was diagnosed. I'm sure to remind her now that she's got herself a 6'4", 220-pound baby boy!

A Beautiful Sunday

The one thing I miss during my husband's recovery time, is being able to go to church. I realize you can be close to God without attending every week, but there is something special you feel in just being there. Once things improve I certainly hope to begin attending again. The churches that we both attend are a little bit of a drive, but we had been switching back and forth between Red Lion and Myerstown.

I would also love to just go on a mini-vacation, my husband can no longer spend a great deal of time in the sun, but there always other places than just the beach or the warmer climates. We have our wedding anniversary coming up fairly soon, all I want to see as an anniversary wish is to have my husbands health continuosly make a better turn than the day before.

I wish everyone a wonderfully happy Sunday!!!

Thinking About the Sunshine State

We had a great visit from the Forry family last night who is up from Florida for a family reunion. It was great to see Brian again, a lifelong friend, and it was nice to meet his wife treasure and his daughter Rhiananon (who does quite the impressive handstand, the budding gymnast).

Our thoughts are also in Florida this weekend as my aunt Martha Putnam is recovering from surgery. Warm wishes from Pennsylvania Muk!!! We certainly are thinking about you and wish you a strong and speedy recovery!!! We'll be checking in with you soon.

We pulled out the famous Albert stromboli last night, one mild (hamburger) and one wild (sausage). Although I was not able to eat any because of the lingering radiation effects, the rest of the crew seemed to dig into it enough to tell me that I haven't lost my touch in preparing it.

Alyssa and Charlie stopped by as well, so we had a full Friday night house. It was great having everyone over. I was pretty exhausted by the end of the night, and it made for one good night's sleep. But little by little the energy keeps coming back.

Not Enjoying Every Sandwich

Ironically I named this blog after something I cannot currently do...eat.

I believe that I'm rehabilitating pretty well from the radiation treatments. But I do have one major obstacle yet to overcome for sure.

I can't eat. I've lost 20 pounds.

Eating is not something that has ever come hard for me. In fact, eating has always been one of my favorite things - and a huge reason why I've become such a good cook over the years.

But eating has become quite difficult. I always have a sour stomach now, plus rough digestion, and in general I've just lost my appetite. All the foods I used to crave now kind of just disgust me, the smell of 'em, the sight of 'em, you name it.

It's baffling to me. But I've heard enough from doctors and other survivors to realize that it's an expected, normal part of the process.

And it's my number one challenge to figure out how to overcome. Right now, for whatever reason, I just can't handle anything cooked. I basically can handle raw fruits and veggies, so I'm eating as much of those as I can. But it's leaving me without proteins. So I need to start finding a way to like peanut butter, or something. And I need to stop the weight loss where it is before my basic body tissues start breaking down.

I can't tell you how much I look forward to getting the eating back to regular again. We used to bake a fresh loaf of bread here every Sunday. It's been quite awhile since we've baked any bread.

I can't wait to make a world-famous Albert family stromboli again. I can't wait to eat two dozen wings at Mosby's again (oh man those are good). I can't wait to have banana's foster at the Stouch Tavern again. I can't wait to have brunch in the circular dining room at the Hotel Hershey again. I can't wait to have the beef wellington at the Accomac Inn again. I can't wait to have a large cheese steak at Frank's A Touch of Italy again.

I can't wait to "Enjoy Every Sandwich."

Happy July 4th!!!

I hope everyone is enjoying there outdoor events and having a wonderful time. I was certainly glad that Jim's broncoscopy ended in good results. When these things happen in life, you are not certain what to expect, but that was great news in a chain of events.

Jim and I try to take turns writing the blog on a regular basis and not skip a day. I am so thankful for the people that we have in our lives that have been so important to us over the years. I look forward to continued positive results in the near future and an ongoing future for the two of us and our families all being together.

A Little Good News

We've been anxiously awaiting results of a bronchoscopy that was done last Wednesday. Moments ago we just received the good results, and the small growth behind my trachea near the Adam's apple is NOT cancerous. So we all breathed a nice sigh of relief.

A few weeks ago I had a CT scan of the chest to check two cancerous areas we've been following throughout the past year. One area was an enlarged lymph node in the hilar region of the right chest (where the trachea meets the lung) and the other area was a small nodule in the upper lobe of my left lung.

The scan was definitely the best I've had in a year, and showed the progress of the chemo drug I've been taking since late February. The lymph node in the hilar region has completely decreased to normal size with no sign of disease. The nodule in the upper lobe of the left lung has shrunk a little bit. WOOHOO!

The only question mark about the CT scan was a new growth outside the trachea near the Adam's apple. So we did the bronchocopy last week to sample that area and put it through pathology. And those are the results we just received today - that it's not cancerous. We're not sure what it is yet. We're going to watch it on follow-up scans. But it's not cancerous and that's the big thing.

And that's the big news of the day.

I'm still fighting the effects of the radiation. The fatique is certainly still there but continues to improve. My appetite and general nausea and rough digestion still remain the biggest issues. It's tough for me to eat. But I'm doing what I can. I have lost nearly 20-pounds now, mostly in the last two weeks. Frankly those were 20-pounds I could stand to lose. But we all know that I've got to stop that weight loss here and start finding ways to get the eating going again.

Thanks again to everyone for all the continued phenomenal support!!!

A Day In Our Lives

We take a walk day to day,
and in our lives we have to say,
nothing's been easy,
nothing's been fun,
but in the this fight we will have won.

In this walk, it hasn't been fair,
to all of those who know,
you have to care.
It can be the biggest battle in one's life,
God has a plan for those with strife.

We look upon him everyday,
and in all our hearts we have to pray.
You give it everything that it takes,
for in life's decisions,
God is the one that he knows only he makes.