Doctors' Week

Today I'm off to visit with my family physician. He's a great general doctor in this day and age of specialists.

When you are diagnosed with cancer you start being more sensitive to your body. Was this here before? Was that there before? What is this lump? What is that bump?

I've had a couple instances where I felt something that turned out to be nothing at all. It's weird. That's about all I can say. When you lose 40-pounds and go through chemo your body goes through changes and new things appear that may have been covered by fat before.

For instance right now my hair is pretty darn full, blonde on top with dark roots, dark on the sides, and darker eyebrows then I've every had. The one chemo nurse keeps asking me how I get my hair like this. I guess she doesn't believe me when I tell her it's all done my chemo. Right now it looks like I color the top of my hair blonde and my dark roots are showing. lol

The past two weeks I noticed a lump on my throat, below the adam's apple, between the clavicle, right where the thyroid should be. So I'm going to let my family doctor look at to see what he thinks.

I guess it could be enlarged, although that's not a common side-effect of my current chemotherapy. Or it could be perfectly normal, something I just didn't notice before. We'll see.

The tailbone is still sore from my trip down the stairs. So I want to mention that to him also. I'm guessing he'll order an x-ray so we at least can see how much damage I did to myself in the fall. It's not like we can put my butt in a cast. But if we know whether it's a fracture or just a bruise, at least then I know how easy I should be on myself.

I hope it's just a bruise. I don't want to stop doing physical stuff.

Tomorrow, Barb, my Mom, and myself, are headed for the specialist in Philly. I hope we get decent weather for the drive. And I hope the doctor doesn't leave me in the waiting room for hours, as has happened too often before.

I have a laundry list of questions for the specialist. Every time I ask my local oncologist about new drugs or new techniques he just shrugs his shoulders. He doesn't even care to learn about these things.

I updated my research this morning in preparation for tomorrow's appointment. I was thrilled to learn that there are at least half-a-dozen new drugs in clinical trials right now. New drugs have to go through clinical trials to present to the FDA before the FDA will decide whether to approve them or not.

There is a lot to discuss with the Philly specialist. He is on the cusp of kidney cancer research, and a valuable source of information. If only we didn't have to drive to Philly to share that information.

I asked my family doctor last visit why doctors don't seem to talk to other doctors. He said, very honestly and a little ashamed, that is just not how the system works. If a doctor talks to another doctor and doesn't get to see the patient then he doesn't get to cash a check. Just another reason why free enterprise hinders health care.

Let's face it, what would be more constructive, an expert talking to an expert, or stupid me talking to an expert? I read an article the Philly specialist wrote about advances in chemotherapy for kidney cancer patients. It was an extensive article and I only understood one thing - that he feels that combinations of drugs will be necessary to effectively treat this disease. The rest of the article? I have no clue what he was talking about.

Lazy Day

I came home from chemo yesterday and just barely made it in the house and upstairs to the bedroom before quickly falling asleep for a two-hour nap.

It's officially a nap if you're on top of the covers with street clothing on. If you crawl under the covers that automatically becomes more than a nap.

I receive an IV bag of Benadryl before the IV bag of chemo to avoid allergic reactions to the chemo infusion. It also makes me very sleepy.

I've never actually fallen asleep in the chemo room. Many patients do fall asleep. Barb keeps me active with crossword puzzles, and often a soft pretzel from the hospital snack bar.

I wouldn't want to fall asleep in the chemo room. Barb tells me that I snore, so I don't want to be keeping all the other patients up. Plus, I don't trust the nurses. I might wake up with a magic marker moustache (just kidding...I think).

After the Benadryl wears off, typically by Saturday morning, I'm good to go again. I'm back into action.

But today is a lazy day. It's cool and it's raining. It's not the kind of day to go outside if you don't have to. And I don't have to.

We're just going to hang out and do things around the house today...just relax.

My soccer team, Newcastle United, has lost again today. The club is in complete disarray. The owner is selling the team after the manager left and now all of the best players are asking to be moved to other clubs. What a mess!

The Phillies though are just one win away from taking the division. We're worried that they might get rained out today with all of this foul weather. Then, I guess, it would all come down to a double header tomorrow. It's fun, exciting stuff.

Barb and I have noticed that one of our favorite Phillies, Shane Victorino, has an unusual habit - he's always dirty. The other day I said to Barb, "I think Victorino manages to get dirty before the game even starts."

Just then he came to the plate for his first at bat of the game. He had a stretch of dirt from his chest to about mid-thigh. We laughed and laughed and laughed. He's our kind of guy.

Rainy Friday

Alyssa and Charlie typically come over for dinner every Thursday. Barb had asked Alyssa, since it's their anniversary week, what special dinner they would like.

"Anything you want," Barb told Alyssa. "We'll make it."

"Chicken and waffles!" exclaimed Alyssa.

Chicken and waffles? That's odd.

Well we never have made chicken and waffles before. Well I still haven't made it. Barb took control. It turned out pretty good I must say. I cleaned off my plate. You could have put my plate right back into the cupboard.

I guess Alyssa just had chicken and waffles on her mind when Barb asked her what she wanted.

Chicken and waffles?

Well the butt is still a little sore from my fall down the steps. I don't think I'm helping it any by mowing and raking the yard earlier this week, or by taking four boxes full of books to the library in Mt. Joy yesterday.

Librarians have a reputation for being a little mean. The librarian in Mt. Joy was no disappointed. Man was she mean. Her face wore a permanent scowl. She barked out answers to questions.

When I pulled around back to drop off the books I caught her in my rearview mirror. She was angrily waving her arms about, trying to direct me to the back door. I just parked and got out and said, "It's OK, I can carry them for you from here."

I set the first box down and she asked, "Are these books moldy? Because we don't take moldy books!"

Moldy? No they're not moldy. There's actually some really nice books in here.

We just wanted to donate books to the library for one of their periodic book auctions that benefit the library. I love libraries. I have often gotten lost in libraries for hours upon hours. At Ohio University our library was six stories tall, seven if you count the basement.

Scary, mean librarian treating our attempt at generosity as some kind of great evil. I felt like telling her, "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," holding one finger to my lips.

Out for chemo today on this rainy Friday. I'm scheduled for a mid-morning treatment, my favorite time. I don't have to play in rush hour traffic, but I still get home in time to try to make something of the day.

Today we shall see if all the rich, corrupt politicians in Washington can figure out a way to regulate all the rich, corrupt power brokers on Wall Street. Oh this should be interesting.

Uneasiness

Everyone's kind of on the edge of their seats these days over the financial crisis. We've drawn a line in the sand and are going to pull all of our investments if they drop to a certain point.

So much for the free enterprise system. Call me a Socialist. Call me a Communist. Call me a Goof Ball. Call me anything you like. I'm an independent. I believe in good ideas, not good or bad parties. I don't feel the need for associations. The only party I do belong to is the human party.

I still think that some core resources that are crucial to our existence and a healthy way of life should be afforded to all. After that, competition is part of human nature and undeniable.

To add to my own personal uneasiness it's time for another round of doctor's visits again.

Of course I enjoy when I have a couple weeks in a row of just chemo, no scans, no doctors, just chemo every Friday and getting on with daily life.

But today will start with bloodwork to check blood counts and also to check kidney and liver functions. Then tomorrow mid-morning it's time for the weekly chemo.

On Monday I'll meet up with my family doctor to discuss a few things. He's my "fill-in" oncologist and general health hero while my oncologist's mind is focused on his own health issues.

Then Tuesday takes me down the turnpike to the specialist in Philly. I need to get a complete list of questions together for him, to make the most of the trip. I don't want to make that trip very often.

All of this may lead to an ultra-sound here or an x-ray there. And I'll meet with the local hospital's cancer center director in mid-October to discuss the possibility of putting a new oncologist on my case.

I'll look forward to forging through it all and reaching another string of weeks in a row where all I have to worry about is chemo, and important things like spackling.

Hopefully all of our financial futures will right themselves. Hopefully all of my doctor appointments will go smoothly. Then hopefully we can lift the uneasiness and get on with the spackling.

On a quick note, the uneasiness will take a break on Sunday for the annual Licatese wine making. Charlie's parents have a real wine press. They pick up California grapes, press out the juice, and then let the gals stomp the grapes in the barrel until every drop of juice is out. Then the juice is bottled and fermented into wine. It's a good time. I can't forget my camera.

Running Around

We're in the midst of the Barb and Jim 2008 FJ Cruiser Tour.

Yesterday we picked up Bill at the Licatese barber shop/salon. He had dropped Susan off for an appointment. Then we went to the architectural warehouse in southeast York. Then it was back to the Licatese's shop to pick-up Susan. Then it was off to Red Lion with Alyssa in tow for a little lunch. Then it was back to the Licatese's to drop Alyssa back off at work.

It was good to catch up with Barb's parents, install some software for them, and mess up their e-mail. (Sorry about that one.)

The architectural warehouse was pretty darn neat. They had a lot of great stuff that I didn't really need. But I managed to pick-up a couple items. I like supporting their cause, to reuse historic elements from homes that otherwise were headed for the landfill. There were elaborate carved cornices and nice stained glass. We even saw a marble kitchen sink and they had doors galore.

Today we continue the '08 Tour with a nice trip over to Myerstown. I take little but country roads to Myerstown and stay away from traffic. It's going to be a nice day for a drive through the Gretna woods into the cornfields of eastern Lebanon County.

This morning is medical calls morning. We reserved a time with a specialist in Philly early next week. We're leaning towards taking the train down and back. As long as the doctor doesn't keep us waiting for three-hours again the train should work out fine.

My oncologist's office had no luck reaching the specialist in Philly since Friday so I inserted myself into the phone call rodeo and had the appointment set in 15-minutes. I've been through the phone call rodeo before and tipped my doctor's office off to the "secret" phone number that must be called.

As disorganized as the University of Pennsylvania Hospital is, we'll confirm the appointment at least twice in the days to come. Last time confirming paid off since the main office and the specialist's office had reserved two different days and two different times. It's a disorganized mess down there.

We'll need to call the local hospital for copies of my latest scans on CD. Then schedule to pick them up before my treatment on Friday.

We'll need to call my family doctor to have them send a referral to the specialist's office in Philly to keep the insurance company happy.

We're still working on arranging an appointment with the director of the local cancer center, to discuss my future with my oncologist who seems to have quit his job, but is still showing up for work everyday.

It's medical calls morning. Ugh.

I'm always a little moody when medical phone calls take my time away from things I really enjoy - like spackling.

Staying Active

Cleaned up the dreary yard yesterday. Thank goodness for the leaf blower. It's a noisy beast, but it gets the job done without wrenching my back.

It's good to stay active even with the simplest of tasks. A little exercise keeps us all going a bit stronger.

I don't understand it. But with every passing year here I lose more and more of my grass. I'm baffled.

I do have a theory that our large trees, which shade virtually the entire yard, are sucking up all the water and not letting enough sun through.

Or it could be a drainage problem since the area that is the worst in the yard is the area that floods the most.

Or it could be that we spread weed killer for the first time this summer. And maybe the yard wasn't really grass but a lot of weeds.

Maybe it's a little bit of all three. In the Spring the yard will fill with grass, and as the Summer progresses it recedes from the house down the yard.

I joke that maybe I should just turn the entire yard into plantings and a little forest scene. But we'd both like to have a little bit of yard - thick, green, wonderful grass.

Have to pull myself together quickly this morning so we can get out to visit an architectural salvage warehouse in York. Builders and renovators donate historical architectural pieces for others to buy and use. It's a neat idea, especially for a couple in a 200-year-old house. We're looking for some door hardware, cabinet hardware and a few miscellaneous items. If I find something really unique I might grab it and turn it into wall art.

I'm off and running...

Monday Morning Ramblings

Well the butt is feeling a lot better after my slide down the stairs on Friday. Every now and then I'll move a certain way and it will give me a painful reminder. But it's all feeling pretty good.

I haven't been a quick healer on the chemo, at least the Nexavar. On the current Torisel, the rate of healing seems to be back to normal. Most everything seems to be back to normal.

Some things are beyond normal. My beard, somehow, has become thick and dark. Before Torisel my facial hair was at best light and kind of whispy. I want to grow a big Grizzly Adams beard for the first time in my life. But Barb's facial expression alone at the sound of that idea tells me I won't be trying it anytime soon.

Maybe a big handlebar mustache? Or maybe some big pork chop sideburns?

Well, maybe not. I just can't see standing there in front of the mirror in the morning and saying to myself "What kind of design should I shave out of my face?"

I have a dentist appointment later today. The dentist is a place I hate to go to, but love to leave. There's just not much fun in holding your mouth open for half-an-hour while your teeth and gums are picked through with sharp metal intruments. But I love leaving with that clean, clean, clean feeling. That's the great reward.

Before the dentist I hope to get out in the yard with the leaf blower and take care of the first yard cleaning of the Fall season. All of the yard waste gets packed into these paper recycling bags supplied by the borough. The bags are big. They go up to about my shoulder pits. By the time the leaves all drop we'll have gone through about 25 of these bags filled and at curbside for pick-up.

There's only one other yard on the block that has any kind of tree. We have three huge shade trees and a tall evergreen that provide the entire yard with shade, like a little forest. The trees are a blessing in my opinion. But they're not without their downsides of course: it's impossible to grow grass; and the mess to clean-up every Fall is a BIG mess.

But thanks to Alyssa and Charlie this will be the first Fall clean-up aided by a leaf blower. I tried it out in the Spring. It's a blast.

Yesterday I saw a blind man walking down the street. I hadn't seen him in the neighborhood before. With the aid of his walking stick he tapped out a path along the buildings. I could tell he was rather new with the walking stick, and had probably recently gone blind.

He was unshaven, dressed rather ragged, as I watched him work his way down the block. He finally tapped a garbage can and stopped, opening a plastic bag he was carrying. He pulled out a couple cans and put them in his plastic bag.

No matter what you're going through. It may seem like the end of the world. You may ask, "Why me?" But always remember, there's always someone worse off than you. You have to sink your heart into all you have, not all that you don't have.

I've got to eat some breakfast and hit the Bowflex. Have a great manic Monday!

Well That Was Exciting

We met with my oncologist yesterday before the weekly chemo treatment. We left feeling that his general approach to me is, "You have stage 4 kidney cancer. Why waste time trying to do something about it."

I'm due to meet with the cancer center's director, hopefully, sometime this week. There are different theories and philosophies to approaching cancer. Giving up, however, is not an option.

My oncologist believes in using drugs only once cancer has spread beyond its initial location. He doesn't even like to hear about new techniques that are showing successes. For that matter, he doesn't even seem to want to hear about new drugs that could soon become available. For that he wants to send me down to Philadelphia.

Off to Philly I will go in the weeks to come. I told my oncologist that I did want to see the specialist down there a few times every year. But I didn't want to have to do it everytime there were questions that he didn't want to try to find the answers to.

I have learned that I have to have all my reports and anything and everything with me when I do meet with the oncologist. I have to go through all the tests and reports line by line and question him on everything. One "thing" in my kidney he never noticed on the report, just breezed right over it. My questioning led to a call to the radiologist for further explanation.

His opinion is "what does it matter." I'm not too fond of that.

I also discussed my recent tests and reports with my family physician, who I learned a lot more from than my oncologist.

The official scan results as of now are:
1 - there are two tumors in the liver, both are continuing to shrink, one is tiny only 3 mm in size (there used to be three tumors in the liver);
2 - there is one tiny tumor in the upper lobe of the left lung, it's been there since the beginning, and it is continuing to shrink;
3 - a lymph node that was noted as "more prominent" only grew slightly from the last scan, it could be caused by almost anything and is not necessarily cancer, just something to watch;
4 - there is a small mass in the kidney that is barely visible and looks like a cluster of grapes, which neither the oncologist or the radiologist knew how to comment about.

I take all of that as more steps in the right direction. The oncologist felt good enough about the progress that he did say let's continue the chemo. And we did.

Chemo was a little later than usual yesterday. I was the last patient in the chemo room by day's end.

Back at home we planned an easy dinner, carryout from a local pub in walking distance. After dinner I was walking up the stairs and stopped halfway because I forgot my sneakers.

I turned on the stairs and next thing I knew I was sliding down the stairs on my behind, grappling for stair bannisters and eventually catching myself after my tail bone bounced off a couple of stair treads.

Well that was exciting. Man did it hurt.

It still hurts. But it will be ok. It feels a little better this morning than it did last night.

I'm just a big goofball.

Barb and Alyssa are stompers. When they walk past the television it shakes a little.

"Well you're a shuffler," Alyssa said to me after I accused her of stomping.

She's right. I barely lift my feet when I walk. No wonder I'm always tripping over things.

My motto has long been "always trip, never fall." I didn't exactly follow that one last night.

Welfare for the Wealthy

When I worked for a very large printer in York some years ago, business was booming and the owners were set to expand.

At first the owners felt a plant in North New Jersey would be a good idea to attract more and more of the New York City marketplace. But after a search for land they decided that real estate was much too expensive in North Jersey.

So what did the owners do? They went to the Pennsylvania state government and told them that they're looking at building in New Jersey, even though they had given up on that idea.

What did the state government do? Well they showered them with money, tax breaks, incentives.

The printer in York duped state government into thinking that they were spending millions to keep business and jobs in Pennsylvania. The owners laughed and laughed and laughed, and then went and bought another $100,000 car.

Believe me folks when I tell you this is all par for the course. It's welfare for the wealthy, and it happens every day.

When I was a staff writer for the Lebanon Daily News I was covering a dispute just outside of Annville where a developer had plans to swoop in and build a huge housing development with a golf course and airport. The locals were very upset. They argued that they didn't want to see the loss of this farmland, and that the local township couldn't support such a sudden large population boom.

The final decision came down to the county commissioners somehow. I had the hardest time reaching the developer. Then, finally, one day I was told that the spokesman for the developer happened to be one of the county commissioners. In a nutshell they gave one of the three county commissioners a big, fat check as a way of buying his vote.

Trust me when I tell you, this stuff goes on everyday all over the United States. It's welfare for the wealthy.

It doesn't matter whether you're Republican, Democrat, or Independent like myself. It's going on all over the place out there folks. I have first hand experiences with this stuff. It makes me a little sick to my stomach.

I hear people complain about welfare. Well I personally don't know anyone who is on welfare, and I can't imagine anyone being content living on welfare. What is it, like $7,000 a year? That's living in squalor. Who's going to be content living on that? Except those who are in desperate need.

But I don't hear enough people complaining about and standing up to our welfare for the wealthy. I will guarantee you that the spending on welfare for the wealthy is far greater than our spending on welfare for the needy and impoverished.

I was brought up in a church that taught me to lend a hand to my brothers or sisters in need.

Maybe I'm confused but are the needy defined as the executives of huge, global, financial institutions whose salaries would blow your mind, and who through their own methods of corruption and greed negatively effect us all?

Nervously Into the Day

As I begin to write this blog the markets are about to open. The remarkable drop of the markets this year have sucked millions of dollars out of the economy. The question is when will the drop stop. It just feels to me that it won't be anytime soon. So how long will we all wait until we pull it all out just to stop the bleeding?

We'll see. They say what goes up must come down. Hopefully what comes down is also inclined to go back up.

It amazes me how dependent and intertwined financial markets have become, not just nationally but worldwide. It's like starting a line of dominos.

But otherwise it's a beautiful week in Pennsylvania. Fair weather, mild temperatures, dry air with no humidity, it's ideal for just about anything one might want to do.

Yesterday Barb and I went for a drive, in hunt of a nice chair to use in one of the front rooms of the house, living side or office side of the property. We stopped at a store called "Interiors" and immediately I started laughing out loud at the ridiculous prices.

I know I'm just a simple misplaced Amish surfer beach bum, but $3,000 for a simple, upholstered arm chair? LOL It still makes me giggle. I might have been born at night, but it wasn't last night.

A sales rep quickly caught us and we were bombarded by the sales pitch, special offers, and a "secret" sale this weekend that we were "exclusively" invited to attend.

I told the rep politely that I wasn't in the market for $3,000 chairs. But I was in the market for some nice chairs for our house.

He told me that I better stay away from the other end of the showroom because that's where the really expensive stuff was. I guess some people just don't feel good unless they can seriously overpay for things.

"Hey Bob, do you want to see the $3,000 chair I just bought?"

The sales rep did show us the outlet area. In the outlet furniture was randomly aligned, and stacked on large racks up to the ceiling. This definitely wasn't Kansas (the showroom) anymore.

Most of the stuff was pretty ugly. Up on one rack, beyond our reach was an overstuffed leather club chair and it looked like it had been marked down five different times from a $1,900 original price to it's current $330 price.

The rep called out some muscle from the nearby loading dock and pulled the chair down for us to inspect. We tried it out. It was comfy, real comfy. It had one little chip on one of the small legs to the chair, which was invisible really until you turned the chair on its side.

We took measurements. It was going to be close but it looked like it would fit in the FJ Cruiser, and it seemed like it would fit through the front door.

With help from the loading dock we loaded it in the truck. It was a perfect fit. It couldn't have been an inch bigger.

Now nothing is standard in this old house in Marietta. All of our doors are different widths, all of them, really. The front doors are the two narrowest doors of all, but the chair slid through nicely, with no scuffs.

We're both happy and feel like we got a good deal.

The rest of the day yesterday if Barb or I could not find the other, we went straight to the front room of the office to find the other getting comfy in the new chair.

We're easily entertained. LOL

Well at least we have a comfy spot where we can sit back and watch the markets fall today. Ugh.

Quiet, Easy Wednesday

Whew! It was 53-degrees this morning. The corn stalks in the fields are beginning to turn brown. Fall is sneaking up on us.

Footballs are flying through the air. But, quite frankly, we're not done with baseball and the Phillies yet. Phillies phans are smiling this morning as the Phils have taken over first place from the Mets!

My Newcastle United English soccer club has lost its manager, who resigned last week. It's the eighth manager in the past 10-years. The club has been a mess. The resignation has thrown the club into turmoil. The owner is trying to sell the club now, since he can no longer show himself near St. James Park without hearing it from the fans. What a soap opera that one is.

I know Penn State is blowing everyone out in American football. And I know my Eagles lost a wild one to the dreaded Dallas Cowboys. But beyond that, I don't know much. Football doesn't officially start in this house until baseball ends.

Not much happening on this nippy Wednesday. And I like that - not too much going on.

Barb and I have finally decided upon a layout for the front two rooms, office side and living side. So we're going to jump into the FJ and cruise around looking for furniture bargains a little today.

Barb came down looking pretty spiffy. But she gave me permission to dress sloppy. Woohoo!

I might get out in the yard today and work on a few things that need attention.

It's just a nice, slow Wednesday.

Let's go Phillies!

Ouch

We woke up this morning to news that the stock market took a huge dive yesterday.

Ouch.

It was a heavy drop. As they said on the "Today" show, the party is over.

Now, of course, me being the person that I am, I want to know why. I listen to this financial commentator and that money magician on television and all I hear is some nonsensical foreign language.

Sure, finance is not my thing. But I do like to think that I at least have some common sense.

So let's try to figure this thing out. Right here, live on the blog, just spilling thoughts out of my head onto the computer.

What caused this mess?

Well I'm a simple guy. So I try to understand things in simple, basic ways.

Trying to look at this picture best that I can, I can only conclude that we've created our own demise through debt, nationalizing business and finance structures, and greed.

First there is debt. Americans love to run up debt and every year it seems to get worse and worse. And banks and mortgage companies love to help Americans run up debt, evidently without a concern on whether this debt could be paid back or not. Homes and cars that people can't afford, sooner or later that bubble is just going to burst. And it did burst, suddenly the financial institutions realized they weren't being paid because people could not longer afford to pay and it all started to fall apart from there.

I'm trying to keep it simple, because I'm simple. If you own a shrimp boat. And you hand out all your shrimp to local restaurants on good faith that they will pay you back. When they don't pay you back - you're out of business.

Second there is nationaliziing business and finance structures. Now I'm talking about the Wal-Mart factor, the nationalizing of everything. To keep it in simple terms, if you have five boards to stand on and two go bad, you're in trouble. If you have 5,000 boards to stand on and two go bad, you've still got good footing.

The spider who weaves a dozen little webs is less at risk than the spider who weaves one big one.

Well almost everything has been nationalized by now. So when something goes wrong it has a national effect, everyone feels it. If finance was truly diversified we'd have small economic markets across the United States. But everything has been bought out to the point where we only have a few boards to stand on.

Third there is the general evils of greed.

We live in a day and an age where our most valuable resource is entertainment. It is our largest export to other countries. Our icons are movie stars and musicians. We flock to the tv and the internet to hear and see their luxurious lifestyles. Then we try to create those lifestyles for ourselves.

Jay Leno owns so many cars that he rents a hangar at the LA airport to store them.

In my career I've gotten a chance to work with some very wealthy people. I'm talking very wealthy here, full indoor basketball courts in their house kind of people. They all shared one distinctive feature in common - greed.

Once my Uncle took me sailing out through the "creek" to the Chesapeake Bay. As we passed this HUGE mansion on the water, with three garages on the water for boats, my Uncle caught me staring at it all and said, "Jim, you don't get that rich living an honest life."

I've always remembered that, and from my perspective he was absolutely right.

So, in my simple mind, we have to overcome our lives of debt, bring back the village concept of economics, and fight our need for greed and materialism.

Well this could take awhile . . .

By the way, I do have money invested through Merrill Lynch, exactly the kind of giant I speak about. So I'm guilty under my theories too. Interestingly enough I set-up a little test on CNN Money and created a fake portfolio where I picked companies I believed in, most were local companies. My little fake portfolio is doing much, much, much better this year than my real Merrill Lynch account. Hmmmmmm . . .

Keeping Busy

The design work is slow, slow, slow. There was a week or two about a month ago when things seemed like they were going to start picking up. But no, no, no, it's slow, slow, slow.

Once things do pick-up there is potential for a downhill steamroll. I'm pretty good at delivering the goods. Then that person, tells another person, who tells another person and off we go.

But I'm not twiddling my thumbs waiting for anything. There's plenty to do around here - always.

We've finally settled on a general design concept for the front two rooms, living side and business side. So now we can officially start looking around for furniture to meet the gameplan. We still need to take a morning and run into the York Architectural Salvage warehouse. I'm sure we can find some items to add to the house here.

It took me this entire past weekend to install a blind for a skylight in the office. The sun made it impossible for Barb to see her computer screen from about 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. each day.

It took me one whole day to realize that the blind dimensions were wrong. Well they weren't completely wrong, the width and height were just switched around. It was a custom order so we were stuck with them. But the skylight is not on much of an incline so I installed them horizontally instead of vertically. Hey, it works.

It's pay attention to the yard time of year too. The leaves are already starting to slowly fall. And a recent storm has small limbs from the trees down all over too. The new leaf blower may make an appearance today.

I've got to climb back into mosquito alley some day soon to make some small adjustments to our rain barrel. The idea was to catch rain water in the barrel so the yard is less likely to flood during a strong storm. Then the rain water could be used from the barrel to water plants. So far the effect is mixed, mainly because the yard pouring into our yard from the neighbor's yard has not yet been addressed.

A lot of boring around the house kind of things. And the list does go on and on. But it keeps me active, which is very important.

And since the Bowflex 30-minutes of exercise was just finished, it's time to jump in that shower and get things underway. I hope everyone has a good, positive and productive start to the work week.

Making the Most of What Life Offers

I've said it before, but the nurses at Lancaster General Hospital's Cancer Center are just out of this world.

It can't be easy being a hematology/oncology nurse. The patients they have to deal with are tough cases, they're tired, they're often depressed, they're suffering. When all the other doctors and specialists discover a patient with cancer they pass them to hematology/oncology.

Last week Barb and I were sitting in the waiting room, waiting to get called in to the chemotherapy room for my treatment. Lately, for some unknown reason, my blood pressure is low in the morning and that makes my veins tiny. By afternoon everything returns to normal and my veins are popping out all over.

My tiny morning veins can make it difficult to hit me with the needle and set-up the IV drip. So I was sitting there in the waiting room trying to warm up my arms, rubbing my hands together, tucking my arms under my jacket, slapping the back of my hands.

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a nurse attacked me, wrapped her arms around me and shouted, "Are you cold? I'll keep you warm!"

My head happened to turn towards the rest of the waiting room during the bear hug where I saw every waiting patient watching the scene. They all were laughing with gigantic smiles on their faces.

I thought to myself, how awesome that one nurse could turn this solemn waiting area into one huge warm smile.

And they do that kind of thing everyday.

There is one Polish nurse at the cancer center who makes it a point to get to know every patient and make them feel special. Now when I say she's Polish, I mean she was born and raised in Poland.

She has a thick accent and sometimes I struggle a bit to understand her. But when she sees us each week she comes right over.

"How are you doing?" she'll ask. "I peaked at your chart. You're doing so well!"

All of the nurses at the cancer center have their own personalities of course. But they all share one thing in common - they all do an incredible job keeping the patients feeling upbeat and positive. And that's such an important component in fighting cancer.

But often times when I find myself saying that this or that is important for fighting cancer, I realize that these types of things aren't just important to fighting cancer, but really important for life in general.

Staying upbeat and positive is not just important to a cancer patient. It's important to everyone. It's crucial for well-being and general health. Eating well, living well, exercising, resting well, it's not just guidelines to fight cancer. It's guidelines for a healthy life in general.

Often times I will hear or read about how cancer changed people's perspectives in positive ways. And it's true, I believe my perspectives have changed for the better.

But why wait for illness to change your perspectives?

It's easy to get caught up in all of our daily, petty problems.

When's the last time you gave someone a big bear hug and made a whole room smile?

Trying to Be Smooth About It

I had my earliest Torisel treatment yet yesterday - 8:30 a.m. No problems though. Everything went smoothly. The nurse even got the IV rolling with only one needle stick.

I did pull over a nurse when Barb and I first entered the chemo room and took a corner seat. The patients get these plush, fluffy seats with cushioned arm rests that recline with a foot rest. A visitor (Barb) gets a hard wooden desk chair.

I've been thinking this week about attempting to get a new oncologist. I've been thinking that a new doctor's fresh perspective on my case might do some good. And my current oncologist is having a lot of personal health issues he's already dealing with, and it kind of seems as if his mind and spirit aren't totally focused on the work.

So I rolled through my situation quickly with a nurse whose opinion I thought I could trust. The delicate aspect of it all is that I like my oncologist. And I pray for him and what he is going through. I don't want to stir up any ill will. I just have to make sure I'm getting the best minds I can on my case.

The nurse assured me that this kind of thing happens often. She's working on making me an appointment with the director of hematology/oncology to discuss the issue a little and see what he recommends we do.

I don't want to lose all the great aspects of LGH's facility. It's easily accessible for Barb and I. All the nurses are spectacular. And there are some strong minds in there.

I'm going to ease into it all. It's not something that can drift. But it's not something that has to be dealt with immediately. We'll continue to meet with my current oncologist this Friday. Then we'll look to meet with the director the week after and take things from there.

Conference Morning

This morning I have an appointment scheduled with our family physician. He's really a great doctor and has been a great resource for me through this cancer fight.

Unfortunately my oncologist has kind of gone AWOL recently. Oh he's still there everyday. But it's almost like he quit his job, but he's still showing up for work.

He's missing things. He's not reviewing reports well. He's not trying. He's just given up on his work it seems.

My oncologist is not the man he used to be, very thorough, very involved. He has had personal health problems. He also had a trip home to India cancelled because of the health problems. He drags his feet, never smiles. His head is always down.

He's a good guy and I hope things get better for him. But selfishly, right now I feel like I'm being my own doctor, and I'm not qualified for that.

I don't know what to do about it. And that's what I want to discuss with our family physician. Do I corner the director of the cancer center at Lancaster General and discuss it with him? Do I take all of this somewhere else like the Hershey Medical Center, or dare I say it the Univeristy of Pennsylvania Hospital?

I don't know. Although I feel better than ever, the Torisel seems to be having some mixed effects. I hope to know more about that. But I have to get a doctor to help me first. There are new drugs on the horizon. It didn't make me feel comfortable that I was the one to fill my oncologist in on the new drugs.

Hopefully something will come out of the pow-wow with our family doctor this morning. When you're dealing with cancer, you absolutely need a doctor who is willing to keep learning, who craves learning. Because the treatment of cancer is a very fluid thing these days with new treatments and efforts being revealed literally everyday.

Morning Light

Photo of the Day
Morning Light on One of Our Many Spider Webs

Barb and I were hanging out on the back porch early this morning, enjoying some coffee and watching the early morning light ignite the backyard.

Barb looked at me and in a deep voice said, "I'd love to see you on rollerskates."

Wow! Was she hitting on me or what?!?

I was decent on rollerskates. Thank goodness for the rubber stopper on the toe. I could skate pretty fast, my turning was a little shaky stepping those size 13 skates over one another. I had to concentrate on that. I couldn't do anything fancy, no skating backwards or anything like that.

Now ice skating, I could really fly when I was ice skating. The only problem was there was no rubber stopper on the toe. I could skate really fast. But I couldn't stop, and I couldn't turn. Both of those things turned out to be fairly important.

Turns out Barb just wanted to see me on skates because I'd be like seven and a half feet tall. Just my luck.

Enjoy that morning light everybody. Fall is coming.

It's the Economy Stupid

I used to drive around and look at all the big houses that were being built around Central Pennsylvania. A big house in these parts goes for about $350,000 to $400,000. Of course in California that would not even equal the cost of a tool shed.

I would constantly wonder who could afford all these big homes that are going up?

I mean a graphic artist doesn't make as much as an engineer or a doctor. But I did pretty good for myself. When you're a 22-year-old in the graphics business you find yourself amongst millions of other 22-year-old graphic artists. If you actually pass 30-years-old and are still in the business, you can say that you've made it.

I talk to a lot of young people who want to be a graphic artist. I ask them why they would want to do such a thing. And they say, "It seems like it would be so much fun!" I laugh and I tell them, "Well when it actually seems like work, like a job, well then you'll know you're getting good at it."

We need more people saying that they want to be doctors because "it looks like it would be so much fun!"

Don't get me wrong. I do love what I do, and what I've done. But there's just too many graphic artists out there, and 95-percent of them will drop out of the profession because they thought it would be fun, and it didn't turn out to be.

But even us lowly graphic artists, everybody it seems, was buying these big, expensive houses that just kept going up all over this area. And I kept asking myself what I was doing wrong?

Well, I was living within my means. As my Dad always said about credit, "I don't really understand how you can buy something if you don't have the money."

I don't have access to everyones' bank accounts. But I am guessing that a majority of people buying these big, expensive homes were sinking themselves deep in debt. And the wave of foreclosures that hit the housing market this past year was just a necessity waiting to occur.

Now the federal government has announced that it's bailing out Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, the mortgage giants. And guess where the feds get the money to be able to do this? That's right, tax dollars, your dollars and my dollars.

So I budget, live within my means, plan well, and I end up paying to bail all the people out who sank themselves into enormous debt, and the companies who led them there.

And the GOP considers welfare bad? How about all of the welfare for the wealthy?

If anyone mentions universal healthcare to the Bush administration they go nuts. That would not be a good use of tax dollars.

But bailing out Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac is?

Oh great, the people who bought $400,000 homes in Central Pennsylvania even though they couldn't afford it will now have their debt subsidized by the federal government. That's where my tax dollars will be going.

But God forbid that my tax dollars go to someone who needs healthcare. That would just be a bad idea.

I would never deny anyone success, or the rewards from their success. But there comes a point when success just becomes greed. And the longing for success for the middle class often becomes greed that then becomes debt.

Does a person need seven houses?

We can barely keep up with keeping our one house clean. We blame Freckles. Perhaps the feds will bail us out by paying for a housekeeper for any taxpayer with a cat named "Freckles."

Abstract

I've always liked abstract art. I know most people look at it and say, "What the heck is that?"

But abstract art still evokes emotions, even if it is disgust. The colors, shapes, textures all can create mood and feelings. Once you look at it as nothing more than simple graphic arrangements, organized or not, you can actually pick-out abstract art that you may like, or not care for.

This week I found myself in an art store and grabbed a pre-stretched canvas, a pretty large one. I've been telling Barb that at some point I want us to make a painting together, an abstract painting, dancing around the canvas splashing paint randomly.

This weekend a couple years of talking about it, turned into actually doing it.

I couldn't find my blue paint, which is important because it left me without one of the primary colors. From the primary colors I can mix any other color in the world. But I wouldn't be denied.

We worked a background onto the canvas, blending a sage green into white and then yellow, then blending the yellow into a red to create an orange transition. We brushed. We dabbed. We smeared. It looked good. But too much of the blending I took over. The painting needed more Barb.

So I set Barb up with a smaller brush, loaded with paint.

"Just dance around and jiggle that brush," I told her.

Dancing about she splashed paint onto the canvas. "Like this?" she asked.

"Perfect."

It looks pretty good. We let it dry over night and then hung it over our headboard this morning.

There are so many ways to create artwork for our walls. We've just begun. And we've got a lot of open walls yet to tackle.

Another Set of Good Results

Photo of the Day
View from the Accomac Inn.

We met the oncologist yesterday and reviewed by latest CT scans. Everything looks pretty good! I am now down to just two tumors, one in the upper lobe of the left lung (which has been there since this all began), and one in the upper lobe of the liver.

Another small tumor in the liver has disappeared. The tumor in the lung, which shrank last scan, is stable. The tumor in the liver has shrank once again to around the one centimeter mark.

I was proud of my oncologist too. The report mentioned a lymph node but didn't offer any practical details. So he's sending it back to be re-read. We'll meet again in two-weeks to discuss that one.

But it's all good news. It's onward with the Torisel treatments.

On another note though, I did inform my oncologist of a new drug expected to be approved by the FDA by the new year. It's funny how I fill him in on this stuff.

I did get through a Thursday of a CT scan and bloodwork, and a Friday of chemo, with only four needle sticks, nowhere near my one-week record of seven.

I was able to get through yesterday's chemo like a champ. I'm eager to get active this morning. I even bought a pre-stretched canvas so Barb and I can create our own little abstract design for the house.

It's all smiles today.

Philadelphia Phans

I remember speaking to a gentleman from St. Louis once and he asked me, "What is wrong with Philadelphia fans? They're miserable."

He went on to tell me how nice fans were in St. Louis, how they never boo, just cheer on both teams.

What?

Jimmy Rollins recently got in trouble by calling Philadelphia fans "front runners." By that he meant that they're fairweather fans, they only care when Philadelphia is winning. Not only did he choose the wrong term, but he's a little confused.

Win or lose Philadelphia fans pack the stadiums, for baseball, football, basketball, hockey, they come out and they stay out to the bitter end, win or lose.

I mean the Florida Marlins are having a decent season and they had an attendance of 600 the other night. You'll never see that in Philadelphia.

I love Philadelphia sports fans. I think they're the best in the world. You have to understand the passion of Philly fans. They want to win so bad, as much as the players, if not sometimes more.

If you're a losing team in Philly it's got to be one of the toughest places to play. But if you're a winning team in Philly it's got to be one of the greatest places to play. They care! If I was a professional athelete that's where I would want to be. For the winners in Philadelphia, they are immortalized, heroes to the city forever.

When I was young there was no British soccer available to watch in the U.S. I tried to follow the league best I could, and of course searched for a specific team I could follow.

I read that a club called Newcastle United had crazy fans that always packed the stadium and supported their club with great loyalty. They were tough fans who demanded results. Although the club rarely achieved trophies, the loyalty of the fans never waivered.

This reminded me of Philadelphia fans and I immediately attached myself to Newcastle United and have followed them since. They've achieved, at best, minor successes through the years, but I've still been loyal.

I don't know if I can explain it. I guess people either understand it or they don't. But Philly folks care, they take it to heart, winning will make them dance and cheer, and losing will ruin their whole week.

When I lived in Philly I distinctly remember watching a Philadelphia Eagles game in my apartment. When the Eagles made great plays the whole block erupted in cheers and jubilation.

I also remember Philly fans pounding Dallas Cowboys coach Jimmy Johnson with snowballs as he ran off the field, not to mention the snowball pounding they gave to Santa Claus one year.

They're not perfect. But they let their emotions show. They care.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

It's Scan Day

I'm sitting here blogging while drinking my "Berry Smoothie Readi-Cat 2 - Barium Sulfate Suspension."

I like how they try to make it sound good by calling it a "Berry Smoothie." Well, hey, at least it came with a neat "bendy" straw.

I have to drink two bottles of this stuff, about 32-ounces, across two-hours before my scans today of the chest, abdomen, and pelvis. This smoothie stuff fills up my belly so it lights up on the scan. I'm not allowed to have anything else, not even a cup of coffee.

The alarm went off at 5:15 a.m. this morning and I jumped into the shower by 5:45 a.m. so I could start drinking the smoothie. The scan is scheduled for 8:15 a.m. this morning.

After the scan I have to go for bloodwork. I'm hoping that fasting, dehydration, the smoothie, and the contrast dye they inject into me during the scans, does not have a negative effect on my bloodwork.

I'm planning on taking a banana along to eat between the scans and the bloodwork.

Although I'll come out of the health campus hungry and ready to eat. There will be no stopping at Burger King. I've finally learned my lesson and have come to realize that the "smoothie" stuff and Burger King do not make good friends. I'll get home and try to drink lots of water and find something soft to munch on.

We're scheduled to meet with the oncologist tomorrow at 10:15 a.m. before my scheduled chemo treatment. We're hoping that the results of today's scans will be ready by then. And, of course, we're hoping for more positive results. I'm expecting good results actually.

Well back to the berry smoothie.

A Very Pleasant Evening

We met up with Alyssa and Charlie at the Accomac in Wrightsville last evening about 7:15. I know that since it was Alyssa's birthday, she had been looking forward to going here for quite some time. The weather was absolutely great yesterday and that helped in making it that much better.

On the way over, you hit some very curvy roads that head in a downward spiral on that side of the river. If we have found the appropriate place to pull over and taken some pictures of this incredible field of sunflowers, I don't recall having had seen anything like that before and I don't think that Jim, Alyssa or Charlie has either. Jim took advantage of taking some pictures of the area on that side of the river including Alyssa and Charlie. It was the appropriate time of the day with the lighting. I had seen a Heron down on a rock and there was a fishing boat in the distance.

The Accomac is a beautiful place and very charming. We sat down and enjoyed each others company. Alyssa, Charlie and Jim had starter salads, I just know that there entrees are huge, so I wasn't going there. Alyssa and Charlie had the Filet, Jim had a Chicken dish and I had Trout, and we all enjoyed everything very much. It finally came to dessert and what did Alyssa have, BANANA'S FOSTER, well imagine that, Jim and I shared one of the same. Charlie had a difficult time deciding what to have, I suppose nothing sounded appealing to him right away and we tried to convince him to try something different. Anyway, he finally made a decision and went with Baked Alaska with extra chocolate sauce.

We all had a wonderful time and the view from there screened porch was a sight. I think only the only thing that was disruptive was there is apparently a biker bar down the road and the bikers on there motorcycles would go by and make quite a bit of noise.
I hope that Alyssa and Charlie had an enjoyable time and it will be a birthday treat that Alyssa will remember for years to come.

Happy Birthday Alyssa

Birthday Girl
That smile that lights up a room.

Today is my daughter Alyssa's 23rd-birthday. Alyssa is actually my step-daughter. But I hate using that word "step." For some reason it makes me think of an evil step-mother, probably from seeing too many Disney movies.

I came into Alyssa's life when she was 16-years old. I skipped the learning curve and threw myself right into the teenage years. I had no clue. But I tried my best.

Alyssa has been a joy. She's taught me a lot. She's taught me a lot about myself. She's taught me about how much worry I put my own parents through.

Now don't get me wrong, Alyssa was never nearly as bad of a kid as I was. I mean it's not like Alyssa took off and lived on the beach in Ft. Lauderdale for a week, like I did. But parents and kids and worry are just three things that go together.

It's made me realize how I'll never be able to apologize enough to my parents for all the worry I caused them. Sorry Mom. Sorry Dad.

I think the first thing Alyssa and I did together was working to teach her to drive my five-speed little red sportscar. The only thing I think that taught her was that she didn't want to drive a manual transmission.

She's brought much more smiles and warmth and love to my life though than she has worry. And that continues, as she's supported me through this cancer fight, and given me a reason to keep fighting.

I can only hope that I've added to her life half of what she's added to mine.

Happy Birthday Alyssa! Bananas Foster at the Accomac tonight? Hey that's one thing I introduced her to! lol

Don't Mess With Mother Nature

Barb's brother Jim, and his friend Mick, are home safe from Louisiana. They got a couple free tickets to an LSU football game and flew down for the game. As soon as they hit Louisiana they had to turn around and come back due to Hurricane Gustav. We've been waiting for word on their safe return to Pennsylvania. Welcome back guys.

The LSU football team ended up moving their game to 11 a.m. Saturday morning. The football team is reportedly riding out the hurricane on campus.

A few years ago I read a book by author John McPhee called "The Control of Nature." It's a great book and I highly recommend it. In the book McPhee documents places in the world where people have declared all out war against nature. Attempting to control lava flows in Iceland, trying to build basins in California to catch mudslides, and the Army Corps of Engineers work at trying to control the great Mississippi River.

I always remember how McPhee detailed all the reasons why New Orleans shouldn't exist, and most likely, one-day won't exist. Afterall it's a city under sea-level, existing only because of the Army Corps of Engineers construction of locks and levees. Existing only through our attempts at controlling Mother Nature.

I'm betting on Mother Nature, and so does McPhee. Despite all of our remarkable accomplishments, Mother Nature over the long haul will typically win. We certainly do think a lot of our abilities though.

A lot of New Orlean's population did not return after Katrina. And I'm guessing that more will not return after Gustav.

Why do we choose to live in places we really shouldn't? Why do we seem to have such little respect for Mother Nature?

I'm guilty. I used to go to the Outer Banks of North Carolina every summer, right about this time. Only one year was I down there when a strong hurricane came in. There was a mandatory evacuation. But I figured I could ride it out. I figured I could handle anything Mother Nature had to throw at me.

I was worried though. I had brought friends down that had never been on the Outer Banks before. I ran into a construction worker and asked him how bad he thought it was going to get.

"Well the water will probably be up to here," he said, pointing halfway up the door of his pick-up truck.

We took off within hours, and headed north quickly. In a couple days we returned. The roof had been torn off the house we were staying in.

The two most expensive areas of real estate in the United States are Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco and Manhattan in New York City. Both areas are built on garbage dumps.

After the great 1906 earthquake in San Francisco all the rubble left behind was plowed into the harbor. This rubble formed what is now Fisherman's Wharf.

As New York City grew in the early part of the 20th century there was nowhere to take the garbage. So they isolated an area of river and started dumping all the garbage there. This is now Manhattan.

We're an interesting species aren't we?