A Little Lost, But on the Right Road

Let's see if I can explain all of this. Hmmmm...where to begin...

I was in for my chemotherapy treatment yesterday. It went well. The best thing about it was being able to meet and discuss things face-to-face with some of the medical staff.

The first thing discussed was the radiation treatment planned for my cervical spine.

First I had been told that I probably strained some muscles pruning trees. Then I had been told that it was probably a more serious rotator cuff injury. Then I had been told it was likely a pinched nerve. After an MRI it was confirmed that the pain was being caused by a tumor growing in the T2 section of my spine that was pinching a nerve.

Radiation treatment was immediately called for by my oncologist, but he hadn't provided anyone with a reason why.

Yesterday I received that reason. The doctor thought that we should attack this area and kill the cancer there before it has any further chance to grow, weakening that vertabrae which might cause it to collapse creating more problems.

That's all I needed to hear. Just give me a good rational reason. That's all I ask.

But the issue is still going to be discussed with the radiation oncologist to get his take on the situation, and he's out until tomorrow.

A big part of all of this confusion stems from a PET/CT scan I had in July. I remember the tech making a big deal out of the new machine they had, which was faster and combined the technologies of both the PET scan and the CT scan.

For the PET scan they inject radioactive sugar into my bloodstream, wait an hour and then scan my entire body to search for areas that are "lighting up." Those areas predict where cancer is in the body. After the PET scan the doctor was a little freaked out because cancer was everywhere. But I was much calmer because as I reviewed the scan I noticed that the PET scan was not only showing current areas of my cancer but also areas where cancer used to be - scar tissue that likely still held residual traces of cancer.

The CT scan is more straightforward and shows a current picture of where things are right now. Although it still has to be compared to previous scans to tell the difference from tumors and scar tissue.

Barb and I did learn yesterday that the new PET/CT scan should provide two separate scans as described. But it seemed like we only at the PET side of things. Today I have to get on the phone and try to track down this CT scan from July.

The problem with the PET scan is it is not comparable to a CT scan. It is its own animal. The doctor's solution to this was to order another PET scan next week so we could compare apples to apples. My insurance company disagreed. They denied the request for treatment.

When we entered the office yesterday my doctor was busy arguing with my insurance company. That usually works. But not this time. With their denial I will now be getting a CT scan next week instead of a PET scan.

That's fine with me. But now we won't be comparing apples to apples again. So I'm going to work hard to get those CT results from July to compare next week's CT scan to so we're comparing apples to apples again.

Like I said, it's a little confusing.

Now that radiation is scheduled to move forward that will be added to my busy medical schedule next week. Tuesday next week I have a consultation scheduled with the radiation oncologist, followed by a simulation of the planned radiation treatment. It's been hinted by the head radiation nurse that they will use the new tomotherapy machine on me. I hope so. It delivers a very precise dose of radiation to the affected area and can be administered over one or two days rather than an entire month.

So I have forms to fill out, calls to make, and at least one further consultation. The rest of this week I'll be at home but next week will be filled with medical activity.

Tuesday Barb and I will meet with the radiation oncologist, plan the treatment, and run through a simulation of the treatment. Wednesday I'm scheduled for a follow-up MRI scan of the brain to learn how the last Gamma Knife treatments went. Friday I'm scheduled for a CT scan of the chest, abdomen and pelvis. If I can get a CT scan report from the radiology department that will be used to compare to next week's CT scan to see how the new chemo has been working.

The interesting thing is the pain in my right shoulder and arm is lessening. A week ago I wouldn't have been able to type this blog without taking an Aleve and a heavy-duty Percoset first. This morning I haven't taken anything and even after typing this blog feel no pain at all.

What does this mean? Has the chemo started working on this area? We don't know. We don't have the right scans to compare and come to a conclusion. Hopefully, soon we will.

Here Comes Monday

We had a relaxing, sports-filled weekend. Saturday left us feeling a little down after Penn State lost to Iowa and the Phillies lost to the Brewers. But Sunday picked up a little with the Eagles and Phillies both winning.

With Monday upon us it's time to get off the recliner and turn off the TV and take care of business.

It may sound trite, but we recently got a new newspaper delivery person, and it's just not working out.

It's really sad, and I guess just a symbol of what our world has become, but if the newspaper is not put between our screen door and our front door it will be stolen. Our former newspaper delivery person kindly agreed to do this. Today I'll have to make some calls to see if our new delivery person will agree as well.

Plus our new delivery person delivers half of the Sunday paper on Saturday, and half on Sunday. Since we only receive the Sunday paper and aren't used to looking for a paper on Saturdays, the half of the paper delivered on Saturday is always in peril. This weekend the half delivered on Saturday was soaking wet from being in the rain.

OK. Maybe it is small stuff. But is phone calls on my agenda for this morning.

Much more important will be phone calls I will have to make to the cancer center today. I will need to raise several questions to the doctors to assure treatment plans and the need for treatment are all on target and sensible.

The growth in my spine was noted on a scan in July as well as on last week's scan. But is it larger? Smaller? Has the chemo affected it positively? Or not at all? These are important questions that no one has looked at.

If we're going to treat it - how will we treat it? The cancer center does have a new radiation machine called "tomotherapy." It is supposed to be like the Gamma Knife for the rest of the body, one day of high dose radiation targeted precisely to the diseased area with minimal effect to adjacent healthy cells.

Also, just out of curiousity, if treatment is needed I'd kind of like to know how much this might burn out my throat and effect my eating.

Work continues on the book I'm trying to pull together. The biggest challenge continues to be finding an agent or a publisher who can make this more than a bunch of paper in a folder in my office.

My first effort is just a collection of stories from my unique perspective, looking at common things in uncommon ways. If I ever get that book rolling I would like to take a look at a second book about my experiences with cancer. We'll see.

A Wonderful Blur

All of us have hit streaks in our lives where everything just seems to be moving two-steps backwards for every step forward that we take. It happens.

But life, being balanced as it is, also provides times where you just can't believe how fortunate you are.

I'm still in a wonderful blur from the past few days.

Our neighbors continued their astounding work on our trees yesterday. I knew they were overgrown but I didn't realize how overgrown they actually were. All the trees now have a nice canopy and all the branches have been shredded into mulch. It's unbelievable. I find myself just staring at it.

I feel horrible for feeling this way, but I just keep wondering "What's the catch?" I wonder why they're doing this? Is it really just from the kindness of their hearts?

We offered them some money. They would have none of it. Barb did bake them a loaf of her incredible bread and thankfully they did accept that small token.

I guess it's a little sad that the world as become such a place where I would question the motives behind kindness.

I know there's a lot of it out there. I know there is. I just have to work harder on having the faith to believe in it.

Just past 8:30 a.m. yesterday I thought I heard a knock on the door. Barb told me she didn't hear anything. A minute later the doorbell rang. It was Barb's Dad here to fix a run of spouting on one rear corner of our house.

We had talked about it once or twice but I told him that I really didn't want him bothering with it. He does enough for us already. He does enough for everyone, all the time, already. I didn't want him pushing himself. But there he was.

I had to take off for bloodwork. But, in typical Bill fashion he analyzed the problem, set himself up by iniating the plan, took off for odd parts he would need at the local hardware store, and then execute the work. It's always right on target. He's a problem solver.

Bill told Barbie that he'll be back to work on the rain barrel a bit.

Thanks a million Bill.

I'm just gliding along trying my best to manage the pain, begin to exercise, eat well and continue to take care of myself. All of a sudden small miracles appear to help me take a couple steps in the journey.

I can't stop smiling.

Fifteen Minutes

I think it's important to understand that I will continue to have new tumors. It's the nature of my treatment.

Five or six-years ago a new chemotherapy was released to treat kidney cancer. Before this new chemotherapy there was basically no treatment at all. Without these new drugs I would likely not be here today.

But these new chemo drugs do not eliminate the disease from one's body. They are very effective at stalling growth, reducing growth, and sometimes even eliminating tumors completely. But they do not eliminate kidney cancer from the body. Eventually they just stop working.

After the first new chemotherapy drug was released a few others quickly followed. All are slightly different from one another, but basically the same. As a doctor explained to me, when something new comes out all the pharmaceutical companies like to jump on board.

The only way the doctor and I will know when a chemotherapy drug has stopped working is to study scans. Once tumors show that they're starting to grow again, rather than shrink, or when new tumors develop, it's time to switch to a new chemo.

So I don't get excited when new tumors are called out. It is the nature of the treatment. So far, with scans every three-months, all of my tumors have been caught at very small sizes. So far, switching to a different chemo drug, has had a very positive impact.

The challenge has now become followiing the complexity of my situation.

When a new scan is ordered it will inevitably show current areas being treated, as well as scar tissue that has already been treated. The only way to tell one from another is to study my history of treatments and comparing multiple scans to one another.

It's not happening, not without my personal involvement.

Radiologists and doctors work on a schedule. They are expected to produce so much in a certain amount of time. For example, most doctors schedule an appointment every 15-minutes. An appointment costs about $100. That's $400 an hour. Pretty good pay if you can get it.

With the complexity of my situation I'm no longer fitting into the scheme of things. I require more time.

I invest that time myself and then address concerns with radiologists and doctors so they'll invest more time as well. I'm very polite about it. The doctors do not get upset with me. But I believe that it may be written in my chart that I like to be very involved with my care. Seriously, I think it is.

We've finally decided that an MRI of my neck showed a growth in the T2 section of my spine, likely pinching a nerve, and causing the pain I've had in my right shoulder and right arm for more than a month.

I requested a copy of the MRI report and then compared it to a PET scan report that was done at the end of July. I request copies of all scan reports. I have a big folder full of them.

Well the T2 growth in question on the new MRI was also recognized on the PET scan from July. No one else noticed this.

What was the size of this growth in July compared to now? No one has looked at that.

Is this a sign that my current chemo is not working? Since the pain I've been suffering from is getting better does that mean that the chemo is working?

No one knows.

You really, really do have to be your own patient advocate and look after your care. Sometimes what you need doesn't just neatly fit into the 15-minutes that is being offered.

I won't proceed without everything being looked at and understood. It's what I have to do.

I hope other patients understand this as well.

Big Surprise

Our neighbors have been AWOL for most of this past year. They will stop in now and again to check on the house, check mail, and general things like that. We don't know a lot but we do know that they've had a tough year. They have a family farm in Berks County and a father passed away this year, as well as a husband.

Typically when we see them Barb or I try to catch up and talk with them a little bit. We let them know how they're missed in the neighborhood. Afterall a neighborhood isn't a neighborhood without neighbors.

Last week Barb caught up with one gentleman, in his late 20s or early 30s, and they spoke for a bit. Barb described what I did to my right shoulder and arm while I was trimming branches. He told Barb that he would handle the trees for us. He had all the equipment, even a shredder to make mulch of the trimmed branches. We really didn't take this very seriously.

Yesterday Barb hustled into the living room and said, "The neighbors are in our backyard."

I scampered back to the sunroom and low and behold there were our neighbors trimming back all of our branches.

Wow. I do believe in miracles.

They had a pole saw and clipper. They had a rope saw. They had a bow saw, a hand trimmer, a chain saw. They had a shredder and were making mulch on the spot.

I instantly went out to greet them, thank them, and make sure they weren't drunk or had just lost their mind.

They just wanted to help us out. We've always had a good neighborly relationship. But we're not as close as family and friends.

We discussed plans, where to trim, where not to trim. They worked through dusk. I can't wait until morning light to see everything. I can tell already that the canopy of the trees is much improved.

I tried to offer them something for all their generosity. But they would have none of that. I'm going to insist on offering them something again today.

In a day and an age where virtually nothing gets done without a price tag attached to it, it's so refreshing to see something like this take place. I was worried about finishing the tree trimming. I had quit in the middle of it all due to my right shoulder and arm. This is quite a gesture that will not soon be forgotten.

It is much more enjoyable to give than to receive. This gesture by our neighbors will certainly remind me to offer myself in return, or extend it to others.

Make Up Your Mind

It is amazing what people can get used to. We learn to fit ourselves and our lives into situations that present themselves.

In almost four-years now of active cancer I'm not surprised at all to hear that a new "growth" has shown up here or there or another place. Actually, I expect it. After all the past years have involved discovery of new tumors and then treatment of those tumors, and then discovery of new tumors followed by treatment, over and over, again and again.

I've had a pain in my right shoulder blade, extending down the back of my right arm just past the elbow for more than a month now. First the doctors thought it was just a pulled muscle. I've pulled lots of muscles and that didn't seem right to me. But they asked me to put up with it for a week or two and see if it got better. The shoulder blade got a little better. The arm got much worse.

Then the doctors thought it was a rotator cuff injury based on an x-ray. They asked me to tough it out another week to see if it would improve. It didn't.

Then the doctors concluded that it had to be a pinched nerve since the pain radiated from my shoulder blade down my arm. An MRI scan was ordered to try to determine the origin of the pinched nerve.

The MRI was ordered for the cervical spine. We received the results yesterday and the news was that cancer had entered one area in the bone of my spine, and radiation would be scheduled.

Frankly, I took it in stride. I mean let's face it...where hasn't cancer been?

It was a blip of news. I have a few questions before any treatments will start. Plus my oncologist is out all of this week.

My situation presents a challenge for doctors. They cannot just simply look at a scan and make a diagnosis. I've been through enough that doctors have to compare current results with past results. Some things that show up are just scar tissue because they've already been treated.

This has not come easy. I've had to persuade and persist doctors into examining my entire case history, not just what they may see, or think they see, today.

The current growth in my spine: Was it on the last scan? If so has it grown, shrank? Does this mean the current chemo is not working? Is the new tomotherapy radiation available for this type of treatmnet? Is this tumor a logical cause of my pain?

There are many questions. I'll start to go down the road towards learning more today and in the days ahead.

Then we'll treat it. Then we'll watch it. Then we'll start the circle again.

From a Golden Couple to a Young Couple

Just rebounding from my Mom and Dad's 50th anniversary on Saturday, today our "kids" Alyssa and Charlie celebrate their second anniversary.

Happy anniversary guys!

Forming a solid relationship in this day and age can seem more difficult than ever, when nearly half of all marriages end in divorce. But is there anything more important?

The most important things in life always take work, and are always worth working for. I think a good marriage is one of those things certainly worth working for, like my parents successfully have, and like Alyssa and Charlie are embarking upon.

You're not always going to agree. You're not always going to see things the same way. If you did, how exciting would that be? Not to mention how impossible would that seem?

But you learn to merge each others strengths and weaknesses to form a great team.

There are so many ways that Barb has made me a stronger, more complete person. Hopefully I've had similar impacts on her.

Barb has taught me to never use the word "hate," which in the bigger picture means that I never hold such a strong emotion in my heart. She's taught me to me more sensitive and understanding.

Did anyone get birthday cards from me before I met Barb? Of course not. I didn't mean anything by it, I just couldn't remember all the dates. Barb has a filing cabinet in her head with every important date stored.

If my Dad raised us kids alone I'm sure we all would have been dressed in burlap sacks and lived off grilled cheese sandwiches. But our financial future would always be set and assured.

My Mom added art and culture to our lives, exposing us to music and theater, things my Dad did not have much of an interest in.

Together they were a dynamic duo.

Alyssa and Charlie are learning their strengths and weaknesses. They're learning how to merge themselves into a great team. It won't be easy. Things that are worthwhile never are. But they're on their way. They'll do it. I look forward to celebrating their 50th anniversary as well.

Happy anniversary guys!!!

Mellow Monday

After a couple busy weeks Barb and I are looking for a little more peace and quiet this week. Monday, at least, should start off nice and slow.

I did have an MRI scan of my neck on Friday. We should be able to retrieve the results today with a phone call or two. I am afraid that the MRI focused on the wrong area and I'll have to go for another one this week. I really don't think the origin of my pinched nerve is in the neck, but a bit lower between my spine and right shoulder blade.

If that is indeed the case I'll likely be back in for another MRI before the end of the week. Once we finally find the origin of the pinched nerve it's likely that I'll be off to meet yet another specialist who will recommend treatment from there.

Welcome to modern medicine, my family doctor once said to me. Everything is specialized and you bounce from one doctor to another.

I once suggested to a doctor that maybe the doctors could just talk to one another. No, that defeats the purpose of the system, I was told by one doctor. And that purpose? To get as many charges in as possible. Really that's what one doctor told me.

I used to have to visit an oncologist at the University of Pennsylvania on a semi-regular basis. My current oncologist is kind enough to save me that trip and confers with that oncologist himself. To me that makes tremendous sense since they both speak the same language and can have a lot more intelligent conversation than I would have.

But, we'll see what the MRI report says today and see where that leads me from there.

Tomorrow is grocery day and Barb's Mom is kind enough to help me out once again. I do believe that I'm finally getting some pain control by taking an over-the-counter anti-inflammatory medication with my pain pill. If I can fight off the pain from the pinched nerve I can be a little more active and being active helps fight the fatigue from the chemo.

I look forward to a day with no medicines.

Everyday I do have a simple goal of completing another short story for my planned book. I'm pulling a lot of stories from three-years of blogging, and then trying to smooth them out and extend them for a book type format.

I figure it's best to try to finish the book first and then start to query agents and publishers. Anyone can publish a book if they want to pay for it. It's called vanity printing. But I'd rather do this as a legitimate business effort. It will be tough to first find an appropriate agent or publisher who is willing to invest in someone no one heard of before.

After all this is just me talking about "Milk and Cooties" and not a Hollywood celebrity tell-all.

Have a great start to the week everyone!

Come Back Bunny

Barb and I were sitting out on our back deck enjoying the beautfiul weather. We noticed a bunny in the yard. The past two-weeks the bunny has been showing up in the yard. It was the first bunny we have ever spotted in our yard.

Barb first called out the "bunny sighting" to me by whispering softly and pointing. He was jumping around from side to side, from fence to fence.

"Should I get a carrot to feed him?" Barb asked.

"Well sure," I said. "Just be quiet with the back screen door."

I kept my eye on the bunny while Barb quietly went back inside and returned with a miniature carrot in hand.

"Should I just throw it out there," Barb asked.

"Sure," I said. "Just toss it out there."

Barb wound up and next thing I knew she smoked that carrot on a line drive, bee-lining right towards the rabbit. The carrot bounced about a foot to the right of the bunny, scareing the rabbit out of the yard.

We both winced.

"Jeesh! What was that?!?!?" I asked Barb.

She didn't know. It was a mistake. She's not used to throwing carrots.

We both laughed.

Beautiful Day

My Mother and Father had a gathering on the hill yesterday to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. It was a very nice event. It was a beautiful day.

A big thank you to Susan, Barb's Mom, for being so willing to drive us over to Myerstown. Between the fatigue I'm having from the chemo and pain I'm having from the pinched nerve in my back, I'm not sure I would have been able to pull it off. And I would have hated to miss it.

My Mom and Dad were in great spirits, as was everyone. I had a chance to see a lot of friends of my parents that I had not seen for quite awhile. I enjoyed catching up with each and everyone of them. It was so great to see so many smiling faces that surrounded me all through my early years.

There are too many people to thank for attending and making yesterday possible. So I would just like to thank everyone who attended and made the day so special. It's certainly a great reminder of how many wonderful people our family is fortunate enough to have around us.

Big Day

My Mom and Dad are pretty different people. But they've always shared one important thing in common. They make their differences their strengths.

It has always been an important lesson to me.

Like a sports team, your team can be filled with all-stars, but unless everyone plays together, you'll never be a great team.

My Mom and Dad have always made themselves into a great team.

Today is their 50th wedding anniversary.

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!

Let's go for another 50 years!

Not Biting Off More Than I Can Chew

Between the chemotherapy, which has me feeling severely fatigued around the clock, and the pinched nerve, which causes me pain 24-hours a day, I'm not very productive right now.

What I am doing is picking out one important thing to accomplish each day. Everything done above and beyond that is just icing on the cake. It's important to live in reality, and not push yourself beyond your limits. At least that's the theory I'm working with these days.

Today's important activity is a morning MRI scan which will attempt to pin-point the origin of my pinched nerve so it can be treated. I've tried to time when I take medications and when I rest so I can take care of today's task.

Barb and I will leave within the hour, hopefully not spend too much time in a waiting room, and get back so I can take a little nap with Freckles. Meow.

Culture Clashes

Former President Jimmy Carter hit the news yesterday by saying that he believed some of the strong opposition to President Barack Obama was driven by racism.

It's a delicate subject. But we all know that it still certainly exists.

One quote I always remember from former President Ronald Reagan was "Being an actor prepared me for being President."

I didn't care for that.

I had a former boss who once told me, "If you have something bad to say never put it in writing so you can deny it if you have to." He was also a strong believer in the benefits of acting, of being ingenuine.

I didn't care for that either.

I always thought that one of President Carter's greatest faults was that he was painfully honest. Honesty is something we're not used to in Washington.

It may be strange to mix in a quote from the cartoon show "King of the Hill," but I always remember one episode when Hank Hill was accused of being a racist and he responded emphatically, "That's not true! I hate people of every color!"

There is no doubt that one of the main causes of racism is ignorance, which breeds fear of the unknown, which creates prejudice. Many people are just uncomfortable with what they're not accustomed to.

Personally I'm not necessarily concerned with what names different cultures prefer. Whenever people ask me what I like to be called, Jim? Jimmy? Bert? I always say, "I don't care. "Hey you. Hey goofball." Whatever works for you.

When I was a newspaper reporter we were directed to use the word Hispanic. Then at some point that changed and we were directed to use the word Latino.

Of course we're all using the term African-American. But does that mean that I have to be called Irish-American? Or German-American? Or Irish-German-American? Maybe we can just all be Americans?

I do not doubt that there is some underlying racism attached to the irrational attacks on our current President. I knew as soon as President Obama took office that it would be one of the challenges he faced.

I've experienced racism. I know what it's like.

When I was a newspaper reporter in Philadelphia I met a lot of writers from the Philadelphia Inquirer and worked hard to try to land a job with the paper. It wasn't just a much more prestigious paper but my salary would have more than doubled.

After months of trying one of my peers at the Inquirer finally pulled me aside and said, "Jim, I'm sorry. I don't think it's fair. But unless you change the color of your skin, or grow boobs, or both, there's no way you have a chance right now."

It was such a horrible feeling. I was considered talented enough, skilled enough. But I couldn't be hired because I was a white man. I always felt that reverse racism wasn't the proper way to correct racism from the past. It didn't make sense to correct one mistake by making that same mistake again.

There are a lot of white people that I like a lot, and there are some I just don't care for. There are a lot of black people I like a lot, and there are some I just don't care for. There are a lot of yellow, orange, red, blue, purple people I like a lot, and some I just don't care for.

People are who they are on the inside. We all have to judge others by their content not their color. And at the end of the day...who are we quite frankly to judge.

I've played a lot of basketball. There have been plenty of times I've showed up at the playground and have been the only white guy in sight. I'd hear the teasing, the jokes, the heckling. But once I stepped on the court, dropped a fake, dribbled the ball behind my back and hit nothing but net with a fading jump shot from the corner...it was all good.

Marching Orders

Throughout our lives my family has been pretty fortunate with out health. Sure we've had our moments. But I consider ourselves pretty lucky. Whenever we've stubbed our toes we've been able to gather our strength back together quickly.

I guess we've been saving it all to enjoy at one time. I guess we do everything as a family huh?

Through our recent challenges we're now all on the rebound. We're all on the mend and committed to getting stronger.

I'm dedicated to the chemo I started a couple of months ago, and will see the results in a CT scan of the lungs, pelvis and abdomen in October. I'll also have an MRI of the brain during that same week to see how things are going upstairs.

The medical crew is also dealing with what they're now convinced is a pinch nerve in my shoulder. I feel a new found confidence in that now being addressed and taken care of in the weeks to come.

As debilitating as the radiation, chemo, and pinched nerve have been to me, I am starting to discover some energies to get back to living once again.

My Mom is back at home after a spell in the hospital for heart issues. She's dedicated to returning herself to a healthy life, stress free, with a healthy diet and lifestyle. Her biggest mistake was caring for everyone else and forgetting about herself. Now she's going to get many daily reminders to put herself first.

My Dad is pulling it back together to a point where we're all seriously considering bringing him back home. All of us know he'd be much happier at home. We all just want to make sure that he'll be safe and healthy there too. But through the past few weeks we've been more and more convinced that he could pull it off with all of our help.

We all need help. We all need the help of one another. We all have our marching orders towards better health and happiness and depend on those around us to watch our every step and pick us up when we stumble and place us back on that past.

We've all been so fortunate to have so many people around us who care. Doug, Cristy, Karen and Jamie have all sacrificed their own lives through this past week to help my Mom, even making sure the fridge was filled with the right foods when she came back home, even making sure that the three-legged dog Noel was taken care of during that time.

And the support extends way beyond that, so many special people filled with prayers and support. It's truly heart warming and we thank and cherish you all.

Quick Updates

Today was chemo day. Before each treatment we meet with the oncologist or his nurse-practioner. Today we met with the oncologist. It all went well.

Despite the fatique he does want to go ahead with the double dose of Avastin, 10-mg. Barb and I are OK with that, and Freckles agrees also since he likes taking mid-day naps with me.

The doc got very serious with the pain I've had with my right shoulder, shoulder blade and arm. He is absolutely committed to getting rid of that pain. That's what I was hoping to see and hear.

He is absolutely convinced that it is indeed a pinched nerve. An MRI has been scheduled for Friday to confirm that suspicion. Then treatment will be figured out from there, either: let it heal on its own; injections to relieve the inflamation around the pinched nerve; or surgery to acomplish the same.

Besides the pain, everything else is checking out fine. All of my laboratory tests came back just fine, my physical examination was great, besides fatique I do not have any other side-effects.

So it was off to 30-minutes of chemo and back into the FJ to return home. All is well or on its way to getting better.

My Mom was released yesterday and is back on the hill on Golf Road. She is well, relaxing and planning out some healthy heart lifestyle changes from here. She is in good spirits and appreciated a good nights rest last evening.

Noel, the three-legged dog with endless energy and smiles, may return to the house today. He is a great companion for her to have around. But it is at the cost of midnight potty runs.

I'm hoping to get a little more mobile again in the days ahead. I'll learn a lot in the next two=days about how today's chemo will affect me and how my pain will continue to come under control.

Here We Go

My Dad, my Mom, and myself are all planning to continue improving this week.

We all appreciate so much the wonderful support we have all around us.

I know there are still plenty of good people in this world. I see them and hear from them everyday.

Thank you.

When It Rains It Pours

My Mom had not felt like herself for the last couple of days. Yesterday she felt poor enough to cancel her weekly hair appointment and drive herself to the Good Samaritan Hospital.

After a cardiogram the doctors concluded that she did have some heart issues. A cardio catherization was planned and done last evening. During the catherization procedure they noticed two valves clogged and decided to open them up right then. The procedure is uninvasive and she went through it all pretty well.

I spoke with her this morning and she was in good spirits and said she felt really well. She was told that she could be released as early as tomorrow.

A big thank you to Karen and Jamie, and Doug and Cristy, for really getting involved yesterday to make sure everything was covered and went smoothly.

The doctor did ask my Mom if she's been going through any unusual stresses lately. She laughed and said, "Well yeah my husband is in a nursing center. My son has cancer. And I've been trying to figure out all the finances."

About the same time my Mom was driving herself to the hospital yesterday I was meeting with a local doctor about my excruciating shoulder pain. He feels that I damaged my rotator cuff. The treatment is lots of rest, pain pills to try to control the rough pain, and simple exercises to stretch the muscles to normal extents again.

My Dad has been doing really well since the doctor prescribed a new drug for him. He's been told at this point that Alice may not be in to see him for a couple of days because she's under the weather.

So we're a little in the weeds. When it rains it sometimes pours. But eventually the sun does come out from behind the clouds again and everything looks much brighter.

Stupid Male Gorilla

I wish I wasn't such a stupid male gorilla. I had to go out and prune trees. I had to.

Well in my own defense, I'm not used to limiting my activities. My body has never been in such a weak state before.

I woke up this morning feeling pretty lousy. It was the worst I've felt in awhile. I even considered going to the emergency room today. To even consider that I must have been feeling pretty lousy, because who would want to go there?

I was in severe pain, my right shoulder blade into my shoulder and down the underside of my arm, into my elbow and along the underside of my forearm. It hurt. I could barely make Barb her morning pot of coffee.

I took some pain pills and set myself up with the heating pad. It helped. It helped enough that I forgot about the emergency room. Although I still know that something is wrong and it needs attention.

Unfortunately my emergency room experiences are not good. I recently read that the average wait time at emergency rooms across America is four-hours. I think that's about right. Typically the emergency rooms draws young, inexperienced doctors as well, since it is such a tough assignment. That's not always the case. But often it is the case.

Right now I have a scheduled appointment with my oncologist on Tuesday, and yesterday we scheduled an appointment with my primary physician - just in case. I don't know what is going on exactly. But I suspect it has something to do with a tendon or ligament since the pain has run down my arm so.

I'm going to be pretty laid up until this is resolved. The pain pills and the heating pad have helped. Inactivity has helped as well. Although I find it hard to believe that I shouldn't do at least something - like simple stretches which I've been trying to do everyday.

Combine all my stupid male gorilla pain, which I brought on myself, with the toughest chemo I've had yet, and well...I'm a little melty right now.

I guess I have to take it a little easy, which I'm not real good at. I'll certainly try to do whatever I can do - yesterday I did make chili and grilled cheese sandwiches. I guess I'll have to stop being a stupid male gorilla - although I would like to have a banana with my breakfast!

Hanging In There

Well I'm far from healthy. But I do think I'm getting better.

I was handling the side-effects from the chemo really well, too well. So the oncologist decided to double my dosage of Avistan, the current chemotherapy, and it has worn me down with a great deal of fatique.

Naps with Freckles are now mandatory, daily activities. I have a few hours each day when I'm thoughtful and clear. The remainder of my waking moments are somewhat zombie like.

I'm trying to at least organize my day into somewhat expected, routine activities. Typically I'm up between four and five a.m. I'll take care of any correspondence I may have, including the blog. I'll eat some breakfast and take my morning dose of steroids. I'll take 30-minutes to do some simple stretches and exercise. Then I'll jump in the shower and get myself ready for the day.

But the shower, for some reason, seems to elevate my fatique, and it makes me hungry. I'll eat some fruit and try to keep myself active as I feel myself begin to turn into a zombie. Typically I try to last until lunchtime before I give in and join Freckles for a nap.

The naps are short, anywhere from 30-minutes to two-hours, and when I get up I feel sleepy but pretty good. That alert, strong feeling will last a few hours until the zombie sneaks back in again right into dinner time.

That's the fatigue side of the equation.

If that wasn't enough, of course I had to go out and injure my shoulder pruning trees. I'm not used to getting older. I'm used to pushing my body to the limits without reprecussions. I guess I have to learn to look at things differently, and in someways I already have.

The pain in my shoulder started with terrible pains in my shoulder blade. It hurt terribllly to do simple things like putting on a shirt or getting up out of a chair. But that has reallyy gotten much better.

Now, however, the pain has creeped down my arm, the underside of my bicep, my elbow, and the underside of my forearm. Unlike the shoulder blade pain which hurt upon movement, this is now walking around aches. I don't know exactly what I've done. But I'm guessing it has something to do with a ligament or a tendon.

Right now I'm sitting here blogging with electric cords criss-crossing around me. One wire is leading to the heating pad which I have wrapped around my right arm. Another electric cord streches across me to the laptop.

I'm hoping the pain down the arm clears as the pain the shoulder blade did. I guess I'll have to be careful with the arm for awhile - no more pruning trees this season.

I'm sure the oncologist, who I see next week, will want to talk about the fatique. He is always discussing using every treatment possible, while still balancing quality of life.

I'm going to keep pushing, keep fighting, keep doing everything I can do. And I assure you, I'm going to keep smiling too. Everyday we wake up is another reason to celebrate!

A Very Nice Day

A big thank you to everyone who stopped by to this old house in Marietta yesterday to celebrate Labor Day.

It was great to see everyone - Alyssa and Charlie, my Mom and Dad, Karen, Jamie and Heather, and Doug and Cristy. We do not have many opportunities to get together like that.

Heather, of course, stole the show. I can relate to her in more ways than immaturity. We both seem to have a burst of energy, followed by the need for a nap.

I pulled out one of my bongo drums in hopes that it would entertain her. I was thrilled to find out that it did. She took right to it. She certainly has some musical instincts inside her. It's good to see someone that young enjoying music rather just the old TV. Although she was completely enthralled with the TV when the Sponge Bob Squarepants movie when it came on. But, hey, who wouldn't be?

Heather wanted me to sing her a song. So I quickly made one up and sang it to her, the "Heather has Stinky Feet," song. She laughed out loud and quickly altered the song to her liking, "Jim has stinky feet, stinky feet, stinky feet."

My Dad was pretty quiet, possibly a little overwhelmed by so many people surrounding him at once. But we all took our personal time with him. He seemed to be doing well all in all. Evidently the doctor has switched the medication he has been taking and hopes are that it is having a more positive effect.

Thanks to Jamie and Doug for manning the grill. Thanks to Mom for her famous Detroit-style potato salad. Thanks to Heather for sharing the hammock with me. And a big thank you to everyone for visiting and sharing some smiles.

President Obama is due to give his controversial speech to school children today, covering such touchy subjects as why it's important for kids to stay in school and work hard.

I've heard that he is already preparing another speech that is bound to stir up more anger, "Why it's important to eat our vegetables."

Shake off the fun, it's back to work everyone!

Labor Day

In 1985 Barb celebrated Labor Day in the true sense of the term. She was REALLY in labor and gave birth to Alyssa.

Historically, Labor Day evolved from a machinists' labor union in New York City in the late 1800s. This union were protesting seven-day work weeks, and the use of child labor. They organized a day off work to recognize workers and threw a picnic to celebrate.

In the years to follow the holiday spread through industrial centers of the country. Soon many local municipalities and states passed legislation to recognize the holiday.

In its origins Labor Day evolved with the industrial revolution and the labor movement that originally formed unions. Today it's more of a marker of the end of summer, the start of school, and the transition into Fall.

Regardless, the history of Labor Day seems more interesting than many of the "Hallmark holidays" to promote sales for the company. Secretaries' Day? Mother-in-Laws' Day? Sweetest Day?

I hope everyone has a relaxing day off. We're looking forward to visiting with family and having a couple burgers and dogs, plus my Mom's famous Detroit-style potato salad.

Ready? Set? Light up those grills!

A New Low

Once again, I must remind people that I am an Independent. I am not a Republican nor am I a Democrat. I believe in good ideas, not political parties.

Ever since Barack Obama has taken office the Republicans have launched a pathetic and ridiculous campain to frighten the public against everything the President has tried to do. It isn't based on facts. It is based completely on political motivations to help them regain control that they so justly lost.

Now it has reached a new low.

Unfortunately, we as Americans are not very informed about actual events. We get our information from news blurbs on TV followed by a commercial for penis enlargement. People are not reacting to ideas but reacting as if they're just simply voting for their favorite sports team, dedicated to the team despite the cause.

It is amazing to me that people are Obama-hating because he plans on delivering a talk to school-aged youngsters to promote learning and staying in school.

A quote I read on CNN's web site this morning - "As the father of four children, I am absolutely appalled that taxpayer dollars are being used to spread President Obama's socialist ideology."

WHAT???

So you're against students working hard and staying in school? At a time when drop out rates are higher than ever? Socialism? What the heck are you talking about?

I guess I shouldn't be surprised by our own stupidity. But I am. It has reached a new low.

Pennsylvania is the only state in the entire country to not have passed a budget. It's more than two-months over due. Why? Politics of course, partisan-politics. Aren't we all tired of this Republican vs. Democrat thing. Isn't it more important to promote ideals rather than political parties?

With every passing week I just become more and more embarassed to be an American.

Signs of the Times

When I lived in Philadelphia 20-years ago there was a car on fire along I-95 everyday. This was just a daily part of life in the big city.

Back in Central Pennsylvania, if a car caught on fire it made the evening news.

But more and more our news here in sleepy Central PA looks like the news from the big city.

Every morning now I start my day watching the news and hearing about the latest shooting. Now shootings are a daily occurence here in not-so-sleepy Central PA. Most of the shootings seem to involve young males. Some have been completely random, making no sense whatsoever.

Has killing become a part of our culture?

I was looking for a good movie the other day, something I could record that we could watch at our convenience. Recently Barb and I watched the movie "Swing Vote" and we really enjoyed it. It was a fun movie, insightful yet comedic, and inspirational with a nice ending. I wanted to find something like that, along those same lines.

All I could find was violence - excessive violence, everywhere. I gave up.

Some time ago I looked for little fun game for the Playstation that Barb and I could play to goof off. I was just looking for something stupid yet fun...you know like bumper cars or something.

But everything is some kind of shooter, all involving smashing and burning and killing. I gave up.

When I was growing up I never knew of anyone who carried a weapon. The attitude was that you weren't a "real" man if you needed to carry a knife or a gun. If anyone would do such a thing there would be a major stigma attached to that. It was just completely unheard of. Fighting in general was frowned upon. Disagreements were handled with sharp words and vocal exchanges. Status was obtained by how well one handled themself through their posture and their social skills.

Where are all these guns coming from?

It wasn't long ago when I saw a "60 Minutes" that highlighted how easy it was to obtain firearms in this country. At a big gun show in Virginia you could literally buy guns from people selling them out of their trunks. No identification needed, no background checks, just present cash and go. These were serious automatic assault weapons too.

The show went on to demonstrate how we were responsible for arming many of the Mexican gangs. The ease of obtaining weapons in this country sends the gangs here to purchase weapons so they can return to Mexico to use them.

No wonder so many Mexicans are trying to leave - among many other reasons.

I can't imagine where all of this is going to go.

I keep thinking of the ancient Roman Empire which many believe collapsed under its own evolution into excess, violence, and a general life void of reasonable values.

Just Stuff

Barb and I ran a couple errands yesterday, including picking up Freckles special prescription food.

Freckles was waiting for us when we returned home. He doesn't like when we leave him. It makes him nervous. He's really become a part of the family.

As soon as we came in the door with the 20-pound bag of cat food in hand he seemed to know what it was. He seemed excited.

As I cut the bag open so I could pour it into a handy little storage container we have, his excitement just seemed to grow. As I poured the entire bag into the container the smell of the food leaked out and about and I swear that cat was dancing.

Barb's Mom has very graciously agreed to help us out with a grocery run this morning. Between my fatique from the chemo treatments and the shoulder pain I'm dealing with, I'm half afraid that I'll curl up in the frozen food aisle and fall asleep. Worse yet, some clerk at the store will probably put a price tag on me, and I'll be purchased and wake up in someone else's home.

Thanks so much Susan for helping us out...one more time.

When Barb and her Mom return with groceries I'll probably be a lot like Freckles. I'll miss them. I'll be looking for them. I'll recognize what they have in their hands and I'll probably start doing a little dance as soon as I see the yummy little doughnuts.

I'm starting to learn the periods of the day when I feel the most fatique. I think I'll need an hour power nap as long as I am on this chemo. But I'm trying to predict certain times of day when it really hits me, and fight through those times.

The shoulder is still hurting quite a bit. The pain is really not directly in the shoulder but in the shoulder blade and down into the arm under the biceps. I have not doubt that I caused this by overexerting myself while pruning trees. I can be such a big, dumb, male gorilla at times. The pain is nothing like it originally was, and does seem to be very slowly improving. I'm trying to do simple stretching exercises everyday. I've stopped taking pain pills entirely...for now.

Yesterday was Alyssa's 24th birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALYSSA! I told her she's not allowed to have anymore birthdays. She's starting to make me feel old and dusty.

Yesterday's Check-Up

Barb and I went into the health center yesterday for my every other week chemo treatment. Before the treatment we met with a nurse practioner. Every two-weeks we meet with either the nurse-practioner or the oncologist. They switch off consultations to free up more time for the oncologist overall.

We learned little overall. The x-ray of the shoulder and shoulder blade from last Friday showed no cancer, no major injuries, and a little arthritis. Being told that there was no cancer present is always good to hear. But I already knew from a recent PET scan (a much better tool for cancer detection) that nothing was going on in that shoulder that was cancer related.

I already knew that I have a little arthritis happening in most of my major joints. I also knew that wasn't the cause of the recent pains I've been feeling.

So at least this x-ray did tell me that this must be something physical that has been ailing me. But it really didn't resolve what is truly the cause, with the exception of the fact that it wasn't something major.

I woke up at midnight again last night. I couldn't believe how well my shoulder felt. There was no pain whatsoever. I went back to sleep around 1:30 a.m. and when I woke back up around five the pain was back.

But I do think it's getting better, day by day. I think I just seriously stretched something out, or upset something in my shoulder or shoulder blade with some of my "stupid yard tricks," like pruning the 100-foot tree.

What can I say? I'm not used to calling somebody to do something I feel I can do myself. I guess I'm going to have to learn to change that thinking a bit. I'm getting older.

But everything went smooth yesterday, from consultation through chemo treatment. The only hitch was Barb forgetting our crossword puzzle book which we always have with us to keep us entertained through chemo.

This bothered Barb enough that she took off and walked down to an adjoining health facility to see if she could find some crossword books to purchase. She came back with a big smile on her face and two crossword books in hand.

GO BARBIE!

Too Much

Why don't we talk about over population anymore?

I distinctly remeber it being a subject of much discussion through junior high school. We had to lessen our burden on the Earth, on our resources, protect nature. We did not want to become so excessively populated like China that we'd have to enforce laws that define how many children someone is allowed to have. We read books on the subject. We watched movies.

I never hear that discussion anymore.

George Carlin used to deadpan that the same people who are against abortion are for war. "Let's not kill them at birth. Let's save it for when they're 18," he would say usually to some gasps from the audience.

The only message I am getting these days is that if you have a huge amount of children you might get a TV deal out of it, possibly a book deal as well. The only thing I've learned from Jon and Kate Plus 8 is they're becoming extremely wealthy for misusing fertility drugs and having eight children.

Barb and I will not watch that show anymore, never.

We have the Duggers (however that is spelled) who I believe have 16 kids. Are you kidding me?

There's the Octomom who recently had eight and is now exploring book and TV deals. I liked when her Mom asked her how she was going to afford these eight childredn. The Octomom answered that she was going to write a book about her experiences. Her Mom laughed and said, "How are you going to have time to write a book and take care of eight kids?" I could see the look on the Octomom, "Oh yeah, the children."

I used to work with a gentleman who had 10 kids. His wife home schooled them all. He and his wife were very intelligent people and people of great faith. If anyone could handle this I imagined it would be them.

But that didn't mean I thought it was wise.

One day I couldn't help myself and I asked him simply, "Why?"

He smiled softly and asked me, "Jim, did you ever experience something you loved so much that you just had to do it again and again?"

I thought for a moment and then responded, "Well, yeah, I love ice cream but that doesn't mean I sit down and eat a gallon of it every night."