Cravings

We went to the grocery store the other day, and as we were checking out I caught the bag boy really eyeing up my chocolate doughnuts.

He was a young, pudgy fellow, likely still in high school, and he was looking at my chocolate doughnuts with longing and lust. He was looking them over closely, like he had just met his life-long searched for love.

"Hey, I'm not real comfortable with the way you're looking at my doughnuts," I said.

Hey looked at me with some embarassment. He had been caught.

I gave him a wide smile, and he instantly smiled back.

He was doing a good job. I wanted to stop and pull out a doughnut for him. But I figured I'd probably end up trying to do something nice, and end up getting him in trouble instead.

"Who you voting for in the Super Bowl," I asked him.

"Well if the Steelers win my Mom wins $100 in a pool at work," he said.

I hope his Mom buys him a chocolate doughnut.

After gaining about 15-pounds I've leveled off my cravings somewhat. Once I finally get off this steroid I'm certain those 15-pounds will come falling right back off. But then who knows with chemotherapy.

Right now my cravings are more for normalcy than chocolate doughnuts. I crave normal sleep patterns, normal energy levels, a normal life.

I woke up at two a.m. again last night. I tried to fall asleep for an hour, then gave up and just came downstairs and watched some middle of the night television. After writing this blog it's likely back to bed looking for a two-hour power nap. It's the way it's been.

Through January I've learned to take advantage of the times I feel best, whenever those times may arise. I try to stay busy and get as much done as possible, before I wear down and then seek rest.

It can be a balancing act. I may wake up full of energy from a nap and be ready to pull the ladder out of the basement to finish the painting in the stairwell, but then it's snowing outside and cancels out my plans. I may be ready to hang my next art project on the wall at three a.m. when hammers and drills are generally frowned upon by Barb (with understanding).

So hopefully after meeting with my oncologist this Thursday, we can make a plan to successfully back off the steroid entirely. If I remember correctly, when I do stop the steroid I'll go through a couple days of withdrawl and extreme exhaustion. It's a strong steroid.

That's my main craving right now - normalcy.

But the chocolate doughtnuts are nice too.