Protection

When I was around eight-years-old I started playing midget football. After a week or so of running through tires and hitting blocking sleds, the coach called us all together at the end of a practice for a little talk.

Mr. Hernley explained to us that all of us had to get a jock strap and a cup by the next practice or we wouldn't be allowed to practice.

A what? I'm eight. I've never heard of these things before.

No one else seemed to question Mr. Hernley's demand, although everyone was kind of looking around at one another.

Mr. Hernley was short and rotund, usually in a flannel shirt. He kind of looked like an out-of-shape Wolfman Jack. He drove an old, beat-up, blue stand-up truck. He was mean and tough, but some how still loveable at the same time.

"And trust me," Mr. Hernley growled, "I'm going to be checking so make sure you take care of it."

Well that evening I went home after practice. I hated all the equipment we had to wear in football, and none of it ever fit. If you ran too fast your helmet bobbled around on your head, the girdle around your waist filled with pads sagged, and your shoulder pads hopped forward and backwards with each stride. Today's kids? Air filled helmets for the perfect fit - we must have remembered how lame it was and made it better.

Sitting there at dinner table that night, likely still half dressed in my football duds, I remembered Mr. Hernley about halfway through dinner.

"Mr. Hernley said we have to have a jock strap and a cup by the next practice or we can't play."

My Dad almost spit out his food and started laughing.

I gazed at him a bit complexed.

My Mom honed in, "What is it? Paul! What is it?"

My Dad nodded, still laughing, and said "I'll tell you after dinner."

"But what is it? What is a jock strap and cup??" my Mom insisted.

They went back and forth. My Dad held out and they discussed it after dinner. I can remember my Mom saying something like, "Why? At their age? They have to get this?"

Of course I found out what it was all about. And I figured out how to strap the strange contraption on - just another part of my uniform that didn't fit.

But I'm glad I had it. Mr. Hernley would kick, punch, tap, and elbow all of us in the groin from that point on just to make sure we were all wearing 'em.

After midget football I never wore one again. And the only reason I needed one in midget football was so I was protected when Mr. Hernley kicked, punched, tapped and elbowed.