Hanging In There

Well I'm far from healthy. But I do think I'm getting better.

I was handling the side-effects from the chemo really well, too well. So the oncologist decided to double my dosage of Avistan, the current chemotherapy, and it has worn me down with a great deal of fatique.

Naps with Freckles are now mandatory, daily activities. I have a few hours each day when I'm thoughtful and clear. The remainder of my waking moments are somewhat zombie like.

I'm trying to at least organize my day into somewhat expected, routine activities. Typically I'm up between four and five a.m. I'll take care of any correspondence I may have, including the blog. I'll eat some breakfast and take my morning dose of steroids. I'll take 30-minutes to do some simple stretches and exercise. Then I'll jump in the shower and get myself ready for the day.

But the shower, for some reason, seems to elevate my fatique, and it makes me hungry. I'll eat some fruit and try to keep myself active as I feel myself begin to turn into a zombie. Typically I try to last until lunchtime before I give in and join Freckles for a nap.

The naps are short, anywhere from 30-minutes to two-hours, and when I get up I feel sleepy but pretty good. That alert, strong feeling will last a few hours until the zombie sneaks back in again right into dinner time.

That's the fatigue side of the equation.

If that wasn't enough, of course I had to go out and injure my shoulder pruning trees. I'm not used to getting older. I'm used to pushing my body to the limits without reprecussions. I guess I have to learn to look at things differently, and in someways I already have.

The pain in my shoulder started with terrible pains in my shoulder blade. It hurt terribllly to do simple things like putting on a shirt or getting up out of a chair. But that has reallyy gotten much better.

Now, however, the pain has creeped down my arm, the underside of my bicep, my elbow, and the underside of my forearm. Unlike the shoulder blade pain which hurt upon movement, this is now walking around aches. I don't know exactly what I've done. But I'm guessing it has something to do with a ligament or a tendon.

Right now I'm sitting here blogging with electric cords criss-crossing around me. One wire is leading to the heating pad which I have wrapped around my right arm. Another electric cord streches across me to the laptop.

I'm hoping the pain down the arm clears as the pain the shoulder blade did. I guess I'll have to be careful with the arm for awhile - no more pruning trees this season.

I'm sure the oncologist, who I see next week, will want to talk about the fatique. He is always discussing using every treatment possible, while still balancing quality of life.

I'm going to keep pushing, keep fighting, keep doing everything I can do. And I assure you, I'm going to keep smiling too. Everyday we wake up is another reason to celebrate!