Fear and Loathing in February

This time of year has always been my least favorite time of year. It's cold. The outside is dead and hard and lifeless.

Through the past few years this time of year has given me even more reason to dislike the month of February.

February has been the month in the past couple of years that cancer has done its worst damage to me. February was the month I first experienced symptoms of my cancer, painful, horrible, life changing experiences. February was the month I was first diagnosed with cancer. February was the month my cancer first spread to my brain. February has been bad.

But I approach this February with a strong and positive attitude. I do believe that this February I'm going to breeze through without ill effects. Recent tests have given me no reason to have any immediate worries.

But that fear and loathing of this time of year will always remain in the back of my mind.

Quite frankly I'd like to go to sleep tonight and wake up to learn that it's March 15th, with Spring just around the corner.

It's off to the family doctor today just to catch up on my general well-being. The digestive system has gone into revolt again the past couple of days, and that makes gaining weight impossible. The fatique is certainly still an issue but I've learned to manage it in various ways. The skin has also become quite sensitive. I have to keep wearing baggy, loose clothing because the skin can itch and rash from just fabric rubbing back and forth across my skin.

But these are all side effects of the chemo drug, and not direct cancer related ailments. As my oncologist stated the other week, it seems that I'm learning to live with the effects from the chemo. Give humans enough time and they learn to live with just about anything.