Goodbye Tough Guy

I broke down and turned on the furnace yesterday morning. It was in the forties. As the day brought the temperatures back into the sixties I turned the furnace back down.

In this old house the furnace cannot go on without the storm windows being pulled. The old windows are very drafty. So I hustled around the house to close all but two, since I knew there would be a day or three yet when we would want a couple open windows and some fresh air.

In the past I would never turn the furnace on this early. I mean it's only October. In the past I would be a tough guy, who was also trying to save money. I would just say to myself that I could pull a sweatshirt on and be just fine. Just add another layer and don't touch the thermostat at least until Thanksgiving.

But yesterday I found myself saying, "Why should I be uncomfortable in my own home?" For the first time I found myself looking after my own comfort rather than trying to be some macho dude that could handle this change in the seasons.

Since cancer came to town it has been a big goodbye to the tough guy.

Chemotherapy, and kind of chemotherapy, is a strong, strong drug. In my situation it is even tougher because I have been taking it for almost four-years. Few cancer patients are on chemo for that length of time.

Chemo is a poison to the cancer...but it is also a poison to your body. Over time I have felt how the chemo has stripped me down. All those layers my body used to have to help me be a tough guy are now gone.

I've always been pretty thick-skinned, both literally and figuretively. No more. Now my skin is very sensitive and will get sore quite easily. Now my mind is more sensitive and I'm spooked by someone sneaking up on me, which would never happen before.

In many ways this isn't such a terrible thing. Being sensitive to my surroundings, objects, the weather, the taste of food, opens my eyes to a world that the rhino that I was never experienced.

There's always a bright side. It's all in how you choose to look at things.

Today is pretty relaxing. I have gotten two great leads to a literary agent and a book publisher from an old friend from Philly. This gives me even more inspiation to get this book thing together. I will try to work that today.

I keep doing stretches and exercises to try to get my body back together after a tough month or so.

Next week will be a busy one. I have to go for bloodwork on Monday. On Tuesday I'll meet with the radiation/oncologist to discuss radiaton treatment plans and then they'll execute a simulation of the treatment in preparation. We should get our schedule then for when we'll proceed with that.

Wednesday is a follow-up MRI of the brain. Friday is a follow-up CT scan of the chest, pelvis and abdomen. The oncologist had ordered another PET/CT scan but my insurance company firmly denied it.

Off and running, go Penn State, go Phillies, go Newcastle United. It's sports Saturday.