Cancer is Weird

Well the junk man was scheduled to come by at 7:30 a.m. yesterday morning. He showed up at 10:30 a.m.

I mildly complained. I have work to do, I explained to him. I have my own schedule to keep.

He started yelling at me. "I can't keep exact times," he said.

OK. Whatever. How much is this going to cost me? There's no use discussing something with a man who believes being three-hours late is acceptable. Plus I thought he was going to have a heart attack.

I don't get into arguments anymore. It's just not worth it. Especially when they're really dumb arguments.

Plus it wears me down. It wears me down mentally. Just getting into it with the junk man for a minute put a funk on the rest of my day, not to mention waiting for him for three-hours.

Cancer is weird. Almost everyday I have an ache or a pain somewhere. And they aren't normal sore muscle types of pains. They're odd pains, that show up anywhere from head to toe. I shake them off and go with the flow.

Somedays my brain is absolutely crisp and clear. Other days my mind feels like I'm in a fog.

Tuesday I felt terrific. Not only did I work from morning to night, but then we went out to eat that night.

Wednesday I spent the morning waiting for the junk man, and then I just felt worn down all afternoon. Dinner and bedtime just couldn't come fast enough.

Cancer is weird. Or maybe it's the chemo.

This morning my tummy is doing cartwheels. But I have to pull it together because I have to go for bloodwork, then we have plans to go to the butcher, then the grocery store, and the dry cleaners. Then I have some business contacts to make. Then Alyssa and Charlie are coming over for dinner.

It can be tough. Everyday I wake up and try to figure out what cancer and chemo wants me to do today. And everyday I wake up and try to figure out what life has scheduled for me. Sometimes the two are in sync. Sometimes they are not. Somedays I'm swimming with the current. Somedays I'm swimming against it.