Always Just a Bit Off

The good thing about Nexavar, the chemotherapy drug that I take, is that it's side effects are not as harsh as more traditional IV-based chemo treatments. The bad thing is, unlike IV-based chemo treatments, my treatments never end.

Nexavar is one of the newer pill-based chemotherapy drugs. It limits the growth of new blood vessels and limits blood supply to areas of the body that are showing characteristics of kidney cancer. It, of course, cannot know exactly which areas of the body do have cancer, so it can affect some normal cells as well. Nexavar has also recently been approved for treatment of advanced liver cancer.

Nexavar has shown that it has significantly slowed the growth of kidney cancer. So far, studies have also shown that at some point the cancer figures out how to get around the Nexavar effects and continues growing once again. I have met someone who has been successfully on Nexavar for nearly four years. There are certainly others who have not been so fortunate.

To me it's a miracle that such a drug even exists. It does provide me a fighting chance to extend my life.

But at the same time, having to take chemotherapy every day, without end, comes with its never ending side effects. Being on Nexavar is like feeling a little sick everyday.

Nexavar has a host of side effects. The largest one is something called hand and foot syndrome. The palms of the hands and the soles of the feet blister and peel and get very sore. For me, I've been lucky, this hasn't been too bad. Every morning we coat my feet with Aquaphor and it seems to have keep things under control. I will get thick scales of skin, unlike anything you've seen before. But only my feet are affected. My hands have been just fine so far. I've read accounts from several people whose feet get so bad that they can barely walk.

The side effect that most affects me is how Nexavar turns your digestive system into a circus. I've woken up in the middle of the night thinking a gorilla had joined us in bed because of all of the growling. I cannnot eat for two hours before taking the Nexavar, or for one hour after. Times when I can eat need to be prepared for, and opportunities when the appetite is at its strongest jumped on and seized. The Nexavar just turns my digestive system upside down.

The other side effect that I've felt is fatique. All chemotherapies wear the body down somewhat and this one is no different. I can count on everyday feeling a little tired.

With that I'm pretty lucky. I seem to be falling in the category of people who experience the most common side effects. As time goes on, long-term effects, like anemia may develop.

So I do fight, I do push on. And I do keep faith that maybe someday I will experience feeling "normal" again. But the realities of the science of fighting this cancer is that everyday I will likely feel just a bit off.