The Big Picture

There is little doubt that Memorial Sloan-Kettering is like a Holy Grail in the world of cancer care. As soon as I returned all the nurses in Lancaster approached me with questions about what it was like.

It is a very professional place, set-up meticulously and extrememly well organized. First I had to be registered. Then I was issued a member card so I could go straight to my doctor's office in the future. Then I met with a very well-versed nurse. Then I finally met with the doctor. It was obvious that the whole event wasn't being timed to see how fast I could be run through the machine. I was a mission and the Sloan-Kettering team were dedicated to giving their best to that mission. I appreciated that.

If I have one complaint, and I do only have one complaint, I wasn't fond of having to recap my total cancer history four separate times. I had to gather my entire treatment history and forward it to Sloan-Kettering before they would even consider seeing me. When I registered I had to rewrite my cancer history once again. When I met with the nurse I had to review it with her in great detail. Then when I met with the doctor I had to once again go over my entire cancer history.

We worked hard, with the help of Lancaster General, to compile my entire history before the appointment was made. I never anticipated that I'd have to have my extensive cancer history committed to memory to repeat over and over and over again.

But in the big picture I'd rather have the doctor and his team err on the side of an abundance of information than very little information. This doctor definitely took a great interest in everything, from how the cancer was originally diagnosed up until today with the cancer spread throughout my body.

The doctor and I did discuss a somewhat philosophical subject that I had discussed recently with my local oncologist as well. It gives me, and my "team," things to think about.

Both doctors now have explained to me that we are reaching a point where all the doctors are truly doing through further drugs, and through radiation, is beating me into a pulp. Chemotherapy is poison. Radiation is poison. Everything in cancer care is meant to kill the cancer, and just stop short of killing you. After more than three-years of chemo and radiation both of these doctors have now explained to me that they are concerned that their treatments will do more to make me suffer more than anything else.

I understand what they're saying.

Both doctors have told me that ultimately it is up to me. If I choose to continue getting beat into a pulp they will oblige. But they want to make me aware, as the doc at Sloan-Kettering said, "Quality of life may be more important than quantity of life."

It's exactly how kidney cancer was advertised to me from the very beginning. I've always known this. It's an interesting issue. It's an issue I wanted to share with all of those who have incredibly built up such magnificant support around me.

It's not a question I face today. It's more of a looming question that I must consider moving forward. There doesn't have to be a "yes" or a "no" as an answer either. It can be hedging across borders.

I am very curious though how others would interpret this question.

I've always felt that I was compelled by God and by my faith to treat my body as well as possible, like a temple, until called by God. I've always thought that we are meant to continue our Earthly lives through all troubles and tribulations. I've always felt that we all had our crosses to bear and bear them we must.

This is why I've kept up this fight. People are not supposed to be on chemo for more than three-years, or have five Gamma Knife treatments.

But here I am, a piece of Swiss Cheese or not.