One of Those Days

Did you ever have one of those days? Well of course you have.

Yesterday some of our local workers that we regularly depend upon seem to have it in for us.

First our postman ripped our front screen door off. Sure, the door does stick a little. But you just wiggle it a bit and it opens right up. It's never been a problem . . . until now.

He must have been angry about something. He snapped the wood in the door in the right corner right off, precariously letting the glass inset of the door hang free.

The postman wrapped the mail in a rubber band, dropped it in the mess of the door, and took off.

I didn't really need the extra project. But if someone gives you lemons, go ahead and make lemonade. I always wanted to have an excuse to buy a hand planer. I think I'll try to stop and pick one up this morning so I can shave a little off the bottom of the door so it doesn't stick at all anymore. Pulling the right corner of the door back together might be a little tricky. But I think between some wood glue and a inconspicuous metal plate I can make the door postman proof again.

Our trash collectors are always interesting as well. What goes through their heads sometimes...I just don't know.

We had a big trash day yesterday. We had 14-bags of yard waste, two-bags of regular trash, one empty cardboard box, and an old dirty chair.

The chair required a $5 sticker to be picked up. We had that.

The yard waste bags each required a $1.25 sticker. We also had all of those.

The two-bags of trash and the empty box fell into our weekly stipend of trash allowed.

We worried that they wouldn't pick-up the chair. But there was no problem there.

We worried that maybe they wouldn't grab the 14-bags of yard waste. Nope, no problem there either, they picked it right up.

They left behind the empty cardboard box. It was the easiest, lightest, simplest thing of all to pick-up. And they had to work all around the box to get everything else.

Huh?

Barb called the borough to request that they come back to get it. We were assured that they would.

This morning the box is still out there.

LOL

Ripping off our front door. Leaving our garbage behind. Jeesh.

I know. I know. It's little stupid stuff that we all deal with everyday. All you can do is laugh, buy a planer, and add a new project to the list.

Roll With It

I was sitting in a medical center a few weeks ago, waiting to be called to have blood drawn for laboratory testing, when an older gentleman walked through the waiting area.

He was rolling down his sleeve, freshly picked by the needle himself.

The nurse offered him a few words of encouragement while he was leaving.

He turned around and said, "You know the strange thing is it's not the cancer that causes all the problems. It's the treatments."

Amen.

Well the cancer is what IS causing all the problems. But I knew exactly what he was talking about. The treatments for cancer are certainly harsh.

I have been on chemotherapy virtually continuously for more than two-years now. It's certainly been trying at times. But it does amaze me how the body can change, adapt and adjust.

It has required a total lifestyle adjustment, major changes. But with family and friends help I've somehow been able to keep rolling with the changes and adapting as necessary to endure.

Mixed with the chemotherapy has been the occasional radiation treatments, the invisible, deadly gas.

All of these things just add up, becoming part of the body's chemistry over time. I have a drawer and a shoe box filled with drugs I once took during this struggle. I could open a pharmacy. There are so many.

One thing I've learned over time is that less is more. The less drugs I can take the better. At first the doctor tried to help me out by prescribing medications to offset all of the chemo side effects. But it seems that every drug brings along its own side effects, and it all just builds and builds.

Over two-years of chemo I've noticed too that there is an escalating effect all of this has on the body. I have little complaints, like for example every now and then my vision will go blurry.

The first reaction is "Is it the cancer?"

But the conclusion is, no it's the treatments.

I just keep adapting. I just keep rolling with it. I just keep smiling.

Bad Brains

Without a doubt, the number one place you do not want to see your cancer spread is to the brain.

This week I'm facing some realities of my own brain predicament and trying to come through it like all the other challenges I've faced.

Over time I've been fortunate enough to surround myself with some terrific doctors. My family doctor has always been a champ, and has been there for important support around every curve. My current oncologist is extremely impressive and has become the champion of my cancer cause.

But I'm having difficulties this year with the cancer repeatedly showing up in the brain.

And I haven't felt real comfortable with the neurosurgeon who was leading the charge.

Both my family doctor and my oncologist recommended a different neurosurgeon. Yesterday Barb and I met with him for the very first time.

The neurosurgeon spent quite a bit of time with us. We discussed a lot of aspects of my situation, options, potential gameplans. We discussed everything. Barb and I both felt it went well.

Right now I have three very small "lesions" in different areas of the brain. All are very small, the largest measuring 2.5 millimeters in diameter at its largest point.

The doctor recommended that we wait 30-days, then do another MRI to analyze the situation from there. Are these three continuing to grow? Though unlikely, has the chemo had any effect on them at all? Are there any new ones?

The neurosurgeon felt that the Gamma Knife is there when we need it. But he didn't feel we needed to rush into it since my current lesions are so small, and at this point somewhat insignificant.

It all made sense to me. Barb and I were coming into this meeting thinking we'd leave with a schedule for Gamma Knife treatment. But I have been thinking that the Gamma Knife treatments were becoming too close together. I mean a Gamma Knife every month just is much too often.

I left the meeting feeling good. I will still have to have a big sit down discussion with my oncologist in the weeks to come. I may also have to tap into the latest drug information through the doc at the University of Pennsylvania.

But driving home from the neurosurgeon's office I felt like I had the right team around me.

That afternoon my former neurosurgeon's secretary called me to inquire into why I had decided not to return to see him. Then my former neurosurgeon himself called me.

I can respect the general nature of the call. Somehow he had gotten a copy of Friday's MRI of the brain and wanted to make sure that I was receiving the care I needed. That's very respectable.

But there was a nature to the call that I also found disturbing. It's still bothering me today. It felt like I was breaking up with a girlfriend.

He must have told me seven times that my new neurosurgeon was "just out of training." To me that showed being upset over losing businss to the competition. But that was part of the problem, I didn't really feel like as much of a patient as I felt like business, dollar signs.

He also was very negative towards my health prognosis.

I do realize that I have faced challenges, and have many challenges still to face. This kidney cancer is very serious and tough stuff.

But I don't need my doctors reminding me of that. I need my doctors ideas, efforts, and positive support.

This neurosurgeon bothered to tell me what a mistake I was making. How I should have Gamma Knife treatment right away and not wait. He blew me away.

Upon talking he basically told me that his plan was to do one or two more Gamma Knife treatments in quick succession and then basically give up. At that point he was willing to simply turn it over to chemotherapy.

I'm sorry. But giving up is just not going to be any part of my gameplans.

I, of course, was very calm and polite in speaking with this doctor. At one point it really felt like he was trying to pick a fight with me. I had to say to him, "I'm a passive, mellow guy. I don't ever want to get into arguments. I'm just looking for as many opinions and as much help as I can get.

It was all strange. On one hand, that was the most passion I've seen this doctor show towards my case since I started seeing him more than two-years ago. But on the other hand I feel that it's more because another doctor will be billing the $37,500 Gamma Knife radiation treatment.

(sigh) What a day.

Busy May, But Waiting on Today

Before 2009 there was only one neurosurgeon office in Lancaster County. My neurosurgeon was a former Army doctor, a good guy with an impressive resume. But I wasn't real comfortable in his care.

He had not been a great communicator, caused me some hardships with prescriptions, and finally made a recommendation that I knew could be flat out dangerous to my well-being.

Today Barb and I are off to meet a new neurosurgeon. A new office opened a few months ago and a doctor there has already gained the admiration of both my family doctor and my oncologist.

I'm sure I'm heading for another Gamma Knife radiation treatment to zap the three small tumors which were found in my brain last week. That will be the third Gamma Knife treatment so far this year. I don't have to tell you that is just too much.

I feel pretty confident about efforts and possibilities to control the cancer from the head down. The brain is a whole different animal.

With all our advances in medicine, we still do not understand the unique blood filter our brains' possess. So we cannot get chemotherapy to the brain. The options are limited.

Hopefully the chemo I'm currently on can squish the cancer into remission and stop the spreading to the brain.

I've been assured that the Gamma Knife can be repeated many times since it uses such precise, thin beams of high dosage radiation. But it can't be repeated forever. Once radiated areas of brain start intersecting the Gamma Knife will start causing more harm than good to healthy tissue.

Working closely with this new neurosurgeon, and my oncologist, on this predicament will be a major resolve of mine through May.

Today we should get a schedule for the planned Gamma Knife procedure, then we can start penciling everything else into place.

Next week work is planned to start on installing central air into this old house. Talk about an interesting project! I can't imagine trying to snake vents through nearly 200-years of additions and revisions, plaster and hand-cut logs. But we've got a good local team who really knows this town and its building history. They've got a great reputation.

Once we finished painting the front two living rooms we noticed that a couple pieces of our furniture were really tired and had to be replaced. We found a couple pieces we liked, at a price we liked, last week and ordered them. We'll be waiting for those pieces to arrive in May as well.

In the meantime I'm going to keep trying to live well, eat well, exercise and keep fighting.

'Ya Gotta' Love the Hammock

As promised, Barb and I jumped into the backyard yesterday and cleaned out the rest of the yard waste, finishing our final yard preparations for Spring.

Living in town, with a yard full of mature trees, creates a complex problem. There are branches and leaves and assorted debris. But where do you go with it all?

I have seen neighbors fill up a wheel barrel full of debris and run it across Front Street and the railroad tracks and dump the debris into the thin stretch of woods along the river. But that's not my style. I'm a straight shooter. The moment I would try something like that I would get caught.

So we use the huge biodegradeable paper bags that the borough distributes. We have around 15 bags full out back right now. The borough picks the yard waste up every other week throughout the summer.

When we first moved to Marietta this service was free. But this summer we have to buy stickers for $1.50 each, for every bag. I'm not too fond of this gameplan. I'll pay for my stickers. But you know lots of people will decide not to buy stickers. That will only lead to more illegal dumping or people just not cleaning up their properties.

When it comes to trash, recycling, yard waste, and all of that, I firmly believe that local governments should make it as easy and affordable for people in the interest of achieving a squeaky clean, neat town.

This past Fall I tired of bagging a couple dozen bags of leaves, carrying them up to the house to store until pick-up day, and then having to drag them all back out through the yard to the alley for collection.

I decided that I wasn't going to pick-up yard waste until the day before pick-up, and everything was going straight to the curb.

But then it rained, and rained and rained. We got stuck with all kinds of waste left in our yard over this past Winter.

It felt good yesterday to finally clear it all out. At times I was down on my hands and knees crawling through the planting beds, carefully pulling debris away from the hostas, the ferns, Barb's beloved bleeding heart bush.

It used to take me one afternoon to clean up the yard. Now it takes me three days.

Barb and I knocked it all out yesterday. Now we can focus on planting and nurturing rather than ripping and tossing.

I don't understand what it is about cancer and chemotherapy that wears a person out so drastically. I guess when you're fighting such a serious disease, your body laced with serious medicines, it just wears a body out.

By the time we were done in the yard yesterday I was exhausted, a good exhausted.

I plopped down in the hammock. It felt so good.

When you work really hard everything is better. Have you ever come in from a really hard, dirty, sweaty day of work and noticed how the shower felt better than ever before? How about a meal? How about a hammock?

A chair is just a chair, except to someone who has been on their feet all day.

Beautiful

Today is going to be one of those days. There are only so many days a year that we get a day like this one. It's going to be beautiful outside.

I'm planning on getting out in it.

I may not have any great plans. I may not have any elaborate plans. But I'll be outside, feeling the warmth of the sun soak over me.

Back before cancer came to town it took little effort for me to work through the yard. Well I shouldn't say "little" effort. But I could rip through all the yardwork in a couple of hours. Now I'm more on a schedule of a couple of days.

We've been slowly working to get this old place back in shape, and that includes the yard. When we first moved into this place the backyard pretty much looked like a junkyard.

I think my Mom said something like, "Ugh, just bulldoze it all and start again."

There used to be a one-car garage back against the alley. But we were told that it wasn't kept in shape and condemned by the borough. It evidently was pulled down sloppily because that area when we first moved in was littered with nails and screws and metal chunks of this and that. A couple flat tires and a lot of hard work eventually led to a respectable parking spot.

The yard has come a long way too. But I know for Barb and I it's not quite there yet.

We're trying to learn to accept the fact that our yard is covered in shade. It limits the types of plants we can introduce back here. But we have to look at from the perspective that shade helps cool off our property. Too many people try to clear trees because they do keep upkeep, lots of upkeep. But for the squirrels, for the birds, for us, it's all worth it.

I got a good start on the yardwork last week and I hope I can pretty much finish up today. The birdfeeder is full. The hammock is out. Anytime I need a break I can just plop into the hammock and watch the crazy little birdies jostle for position on the feeder.

It's going to be a beautiful day.

Wild 24-Hours

I snuck down for a nap Wednesday just after lunch. When I woke up an hour later I had a terrible headache. It was excruciating and reminded me of the old stress-related migraines I used to come down with years and years and years ago.

Barb suggested we call the oncologist's office and pass this news along.

Usually I expect up and down days, and typically I enjoy the up days and ride out the down. But I did feel especially lousy. I even ended up getting sick to my stomach, breaking a streat that had stood for more than two decades.

There were several factors at work here. Barb did have a bad sinus infection. I had recently cut off my steroid completely. And it's always a possibility at any time for cancer to show itself in the brain.

My oncologist ordered an immediate MRI "STAT!" And he also asked me to take five .75 mg steroid pills immediately. I took the steroids. In conjuction with the oncologist's office we worked out the first best time for the MRI - 5:45 a.m. this morning. Whew.

I didn't know exactly how I would feel this morning when I woke up. So yesterday we arranged with Barb's mother Susan to come pick us up and run us into downtown lancaster for the MRI.

Thank you Susan. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We hate to put such a burden on those who mean the most to us. You guys just always come through. It can bring a little tear to my eye.

From the navigator's seat I misled Susan many times diving in an out of one way streets in downtown Lancaster. We finally ended up on Lime Street headed for Parking Lot C.

We went into the Radiology Department but everything was locked up and closed. Hmmmph.

We started looking around a little frantacally when I bumped into a large, older bus driver. He was the nicest, kindest, sweetest man. He led me outside, around the corner, and there the hospital had a 24-hour entrance for MRI scans guarded by a security guard.

"Just wave to him and let him know you're a patient he'll let you right in," said the kind bus driver.

I trotted back to get Barb and Susan and we completed our whacky journey going from outside to inside back outside again and then finally in the office.

I think part of the charm of Lancaster is how it continues to grow across so many years. There are streets that seemingly go nowhere, others that start east and end up going north, and others that will suddenly split into four or five more options. We called those five-pointers in Philly.

The return home was smooth, quite enjoyable. It wasn't even 7:30 a.m. yet and we were enjoying the sun rising over Central Pennsylvania. What a day this is going to be! I might get all worked up and mow the lawn!

Since Barb and I woke up at 4 a.m. this morning, around 11 a.m. I looked for a quick little power nap to launch me into the afternoon. Barb woke me up though just a couple minutes after I had started snoring.

It was the oncologist. He had gotten the MRI already. Everything looked good, except three tiny dots, and he emphasized tiny. We're going to hit those dots again with the Gamma Knife radiation. The Gamma Knife can be used over and over again as long as the doctors are careful not to double dose any areas with radiation. That could cause serious damage.

The brain is quickly becoming the real battleground. Between the neck and the toes the docs and I have been able to handle everything that is presenting itself. In the brain though, because the brain has its own blood filter that operates seperately from the rest of the body, chemo is uneffective in the brain.

I know there is one chemotherapy drug named Avastin that has shown some success in operating in the brain. But right now it is being tested for the most popular cancers, i.e. breast, prostrate, colon.

There are somewhere around 500 clinical trials open right now to test new drugs in controlled study groups. A clinical trial can always become a possibility. But in a clinical trial you never know whether you're getting the drug or the placebo.

They say that tumors form in the areas of the body that have the highest bloodfloow and general circulation, which is typically the lungs and the kidney.

Now what does that tell you about the size of my head?!?!?!? I never said I was smart. But I have said that I have a HUGE, GIGNORMOUS skull. Why do you think I try to grow all this hair? So I can disguise some of this giant head! lol